our television listings

RTE1

(The Irish national fraudcaster, finaced by compulsory taxation on the peasantry who must pay the government 200 quid a year for RTE whether they watch, it disapprove of it, despise it, excoriate it, or not. Joe Stalin would be so proud. The wheel is rigged and it's the only game in town.)

9.00 Friends. Vintage comedy show about young New Yorkers, starring Charlie Chaplin, Buster Keaton, Harold Lloyd, Louise Brooks, Mary Pickford, and Theda Barra. Lucille Ball does a nice turn as Janice.
9.30 Morning News. Left wing propagandist take on reality. Read by Chairman Mao.

10.00 Rugby World Cup. Home movies from the RTE sports department's winter holiday on my dime in Japan.

12.00 Midday News. Soporific left wing version of reality. Read by Ho Chi Minh.

1.00 States Of Fear. Documentary exploring a Stalinist television station's use of public funds in attempting to slander the Catholic Church out of existence.

3.00 Grease. Movie. Starring John Travolta and Olivia Newton John. Light hearted musical romp where middle aged actors get their kicks by dressing up as teenagers. The plot thickens when real teenagers start trying to dress like the middle aged actors.

5.00 Murder She Wrote. Jessica discovers Sheriff Teasle is a werewolf.

6.00 Evening News. Comatose interpretation of reality. Read by Mobuto Sese Seko.

7.00 Climate Change The Facts. Usual heap of lies about purely made up climate change.

8.00 The Handmaid's Tale. Film. Based on Canadian author Margaret Atwood's searing autobiographical expose of militant feminism and the direct involvement of the feminist movement in the propagation of abortion, euthanasia and assisted suicide.

9.00 Night Time News. The night time news is that RTE is as awful at  night as it is at every other hour of the day. Read by Pol Pot.

10.00 Garda Patrol. Reports of latest scandals involving Ireland's individually and institutionally corrupt police force.

11.00 PrimeTime. Experimental aversion therapy show featuring repeated unwanted close ups of presenter Miriam O'Callaghan's thighs. After this you will never stare at a woman's legs again. Maybe the cameraman is in love with her. Guaranteed to turn you into a breast man.

12.00 The Late Late Show. Wearisome, viewerless, pifflesque chat show, a staple on RTE for 50 years, currently presented by satrap Ryan Tubridy who inherited a job in RTE by virtue of being born into the Andrews family dynasty. (The family has kingpin associations with various political parties primarily Fianna Fail but also with the IRA mafia's proxy party Sinn Fein) Special guest tonight is Dee Forbes, Director General of RTE, who will be explaining how a television station which receives half a billion dollars from the Irish people every year regardless of whether anyone watches it (or not) could still somehow be dirt broke. Perhaps Ryan Tubridy's million dollar salary for presenting a progamme with no viewers has something to do it.
1.00 The Sean Quinn Comedy Half Hour: Stand up comedy with veteran IRA mafia capo bank robbing embezzler fraud Sean Quinn in which he explains why he shouldn't be held accountable for ordering his IRA mobsters to pull out Kevin Lunney's fingernails. "You can't hold me accountable for the torn out fingernails, the multiple stabbings, the broken leg, the slashes to the face, the beating to a pulp of Kevin Lunney," quips the inimitable Quinn. "I ordered them to kill him."

1.30 Closedown. I wish they really would close it down. I'm tired paying Marxist atheist abortionists to insult my church.