live taliban press conference hosted by peace loving muslim cheeky chappie zabiullah mujahid taking time out from his busy schedule of executions eye gougings and child rapes to proclaim an all new era of absolute islamist sharia law along with sunshine lollypops and rainbows for afghanistan

 (NB: Sunshine, lollypops and rainbows is a Quranic injunction meaning executions, eye gougings and child rapes.)

Zabiullah sings the new Afghan national anthem:

"Gimme a head with hair.

Long beautiful hair.

Shining.

Gleaming.

Streaming.

Dreaming.

But only on men

On women it's demeaning.

Long beautiful hair.

Shoulder length

Or longer.

Give me long beautiful hair.

Play it on the bongos.

Hair. Hair. Hair.

We want hair.

Hair.

Hair.

Hair.

Snaggy

Shaggy

Raggy

Beautiful

Hair.

Hair.

Hair.

Gimme a beautiful beard.

Long beautiful beard.

One that's never been sheared.

No need to be afeard.

It's not really that weird.

Hair.

Hair.

Hair.

Long 

Shining 

Silver lining.

Gleaming

Steaming

Waxing

Maxing.

All in all

Quite relaxing.

Know it.

Grow it.

Show it.

Flow it.

Hair.

Hair.

Hair.

Flaunt it.

Haunt it.

Taunt it.

Hair.

Hair.

Hair.

All over hair.

Head hair.

Chin hair.

On men it's not a sin hair.

Hair.

Hair.

Hair.

Cubic.

Pubic.

Almost rubic

Hair.

Hair.

Hair.

Grow it long.

Long as you can.

Or we kill you."