The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Thursday, June 28, 2012

daily mayhem on dublin's luas tram system

The afternoon trip into the city was quiet.
I just had time to think: Hey no assaults today.
A gang of teenage thugs boarded the tram and began demanding tickets from the frightened passengers.
Of course there were no security men on board to put a stop to it.
Still it was fairly mild thuggery by normal Luas standard.
That night as I waited for a tram out of the city, a controller announced that due to what he called an incident at the Black Horse station, services had been suspended. We could get a tram to Heuston station and a bus from there.
Those of us waiting continued to wait.
After half an hour a tram brought us to Heuston Station.
There the useless black flack jacketed security men informed us thusly:
"Walk up that hill and turn right. Go the next stop. There will be buses waiting for you there."
About twenty of us set off up the hill through Dublin bandit country.
We reached the next Luas stop.
No buses there.
We were redirected to a bus stop at the main road.
An hour later a bus arrived and carried us out of the city.
As we passed the Black Horse Luas station we saw a tram fenced off with police tape.
Young urchins crowded up to the tape.
Cops posed idly clocking up the overtime.
I wondered briefly who'd been stabbed or raped or killed or otherwise violated.
These things happen on the Luas every day.
I travelled on the Luas for the first time three weeks ago and I immediately began warning publically that people are going to die here unless security men ride on the trams.
The bus passed Black Horse and brought us to the Luas car park on the edge of the city.
I was dying for a slash and fully intended to relieve myself in the carpark since the Luas system provides no public facilities at the site.
(Heelers means he wished to pee and was going to do so al fresco. - Ed note.)
At my car two teenage thugs were swinging from a tree.
I decided that public urination in their proximity would not be an auspicious way to finish my evening.
As I got into my car I heard the branches breaking on the tree.
The law is ceasing to exist in the Republic of Ireland.


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