ancient monument discovered in irish small town

Ireland was agog during the festive season with the announcement that a fifty thousand year old stone circle had been discovered in the idyllic South Kildare heartland of Kilcullen.

Kilcullen is more usually in the news as a gangland enclave so the find was being hailed as a welcome relief from the usual diarrhoeic run of mafia related sleaze that has engulfed the place.

Hubert Murgatroyd, a Kildare County Council spokesman, told reporters that it was a miracle the monument had never been seen before.

"It's from the Quntalithic period we think," Mr Murgatroyd said. "That means 50,000 years ago our ancestors laid out these moss encrusted boulders in their strange Druidic formation. We know that the ancients had amazing knowledge of star systems and sun activity. When you look up from the site at night, you see millions of stars overhead. At the Summer and Winter solstice, the sun shines directly on the stones. It does this on every other day too. The whole thing is amazing."

As photos of the stone circle reached the press it became clear that the decision to declare it an ancient monument may have been premature.

Cynics quickly pointed out that the supposed stone circle was in fact broadcaster Brian Byrne standing holding hands with members of the self styled Kilcullen Community Action group, to wit Noel Clare, Stephen Kinneavey and something called Ariadne Booligan.

A red faced Kildare County Council archaeologist immediately backtracked from the original dating of fifty thousand years ago which had been announced by Mr Mugatroyd.

"Although this collection of fossils is indeed old and decrepit," explained Council Archaeologist Trevor Baines, "we can't blame them on our ancestors. We thought the circle was from the Quntalithic period because clearly it contains qunts. But we now accept they are modern (ish). I repeat. These are not artifacts of an ancient civilisation. These are modern scruff."

Brian Byrne, whom archaeologists largely agree is a 1950s monument, appears to have been there to photograph the others for his complete arse of a blog.

Scientists believe Miss Booligan was installed at the location around the same time as Byrne but with no astronomical significance, and most probably merely in order to give Kinneavey a ride to and from the location.