The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Saturday, April 29, 2017

break of day

leafen wood enwintered
by a soft ice surplice
fallen forth on timbers
in a fronded fretwork charabanc
that neath a network braided
steaming cattle breathed
earthen kingdoms frothed
into dying
into life

on with the motley

Friday, April 28, 2017

considerations re richard dawkins stated rejection of the possibility god exists

Richard Dawkins: "Why god? Why not the flying spaghetti monster?"

1. There is no one who has built a school while purporting to be inspired by an entity styled the flying spaghetti monster.

2. There are no hospitals built under the inspiration of the flying spaghetti monster.

3. No one has ever devoted his life to educate the poor under the guidance of the flying spaghetti monster.

4. There is no written body of wisdom which has won world wide acclaim, informed the literature of a hundred nations, and gained a place in the hearts of a thousand generations attributed by adherents to the flying spaghetti monster.

5. There is no body of men and women dedicating their lives to human advancement because of teachings they attribute to the flying spaghetti monster.

6. No one has ever laid down their life for another because of a belief in the flying spaghetti monster.

7. No one has ever donated their personal fortune to charity as a result of believing in the flying spaghetti monster.

8. No institution of enlightenment such as marriage or the priesthood or the university system was ever inspired by the flying spaghetti monster.

9. Before Mr Dawkins asked his question, there were no known advocates of the possibility that a flying spaghetti monster might be divine.

Thursday, April 27, 2017

suggestions for those who propose to investigate the nature of reality

1. There is nothing in the universe that can not be sneered at therefore sneering tells us nothing distinctive about anything.

2. Ridicule may sometimes be a legitimate test of the contours of an idea but it should never be foundational in your conclusion. I think therefore I ridicule is an untruism.

3. Certainty in itself merely indicates that the person displaying it has a high opinion of his own faculties. It is not the lynchpin of any mode of reason.

4. Even an atheist in assessing data must apply to his own faculties faith in something intangible. The intangible quality he must embrace as real is discernment or wisdom. Otherwise data is just noise.

5. I suggest when you recognise the necessity of applying wisdom to the differentiation of your data, you are very close to God.

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

a brief response to claims made by ideological atheists in street demonstrations last week which they cooptively styled a march for science

If God exists everything in the universe is pointing to him.

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

stephens green

lesser spotted yobs
spreadeagle on the lawn
a long tied businessman
chirps into his phone
golden breasted secretaries
cluster round the fountain
preening at their feathers
and cackling with abandon
whilst an elephantine matron
trumpets for her young
and a herd of student sexalopes
gambols in the sun
each creature happy
in its cacaphonic fate
save a lone wolfen poet
hunting for a mate

Monday, April 24, 2017

an open letter to the compilers of trinity college dublin's satirical magazine piranha

Yowsa Students.
Last Thursday I picked up the latest edition of Piranha (think syphalis or gonorhea or some veneral disease I can actually spell) and was sitting down in Bewleys of Westmoreland Street well prepared to be challenged in my smug middle class right wing evil repressed religionist views.
"Ho ho, the young pseuds and trendies will definitely get my goat," thinks I with great expectation.
Alas no.
No cutting edge satire to shake my equilibrium here.
A positive dearth of wit. (Dearth Vader's your editor isn't he?)
And precious few ho ho's.
Only conformist, joyless, iterations of blechhh.
The best of it was a dry as ditchwater sledgehammer subtle skit about how barbarous we defenders of unborn babies are.
That at least provoked some emotion.
A suppurating sadness that you so pitiably despise life itself.
Still I felt something.
Yes, that anodyne drivel was the absolute tip top best of your articles.
And five minutes after reading it, all that remained of it in my consciousness was an intense feeling of vague listlessness. I was too sad to be outraged, or, heaven help us, amused.
I know, I know. It would be more becoming to feel anger at such drekkkkk but I couldn't.
One doesn't hate gloop.
One steps around it.
Etc etc.
Your pro abortion piece was like one of ex President Mary Robinson's soviet style speeches advocating the reality of climate change.
Nine parts self righteousness, one hundred parts loathing for everyone on the planet who is not of your stripe.
If radicalism has become so bitingly flat what is the whole point of radicals?
On a point of information.
Is there a single member of staff at Piranha magazine who is willing to stand up and defend the sanctity of life?
Have you actually achieved North Korean communist style homogeneity in the moral deadness of your entire staff?
And you're proud of that?
I'm just asking.
Here's an idea.
How about as an intellectual exercise if for once in your lives you come out of your comfort zone and satirise the murderers of unborn children instead of witlessly applauding them?
Or how about a pro Catholic edition of Piranha?
I mean just for the hell of it.
I mean just try it.
You're satirists for crying out loud.
Satirise yourselves.
Isn't the idea funny?
Picture it.
You witless atheistic skangs (no offence) defending the ancient beautiful and true Catholic faith.
Admit it.
Just for a moment.
It is funny.
And bill the edition: Special Pro Catholic Edition.
And do it right.
For real.
Make it actually funny.
Imagine just for a moment that you actually had a smidgen of insight, a smidgen of intellect, a smidgen of courage, a smidgen of humour, and a tither of wit.
I'm still wondering.
Is there really no one among your cadre of conformists who secretly feels opposing abortion (even just for larfs) might be doable, or worth doing, or should be done?
Just once.
Just once.
Unite us.
Unite the clans.
Sorry, that's Braveheart.
But you know what I'm getting at.
As it stands your publication is a worthless anal excrescence.
Don't just sh-t there.
For crying out loud.
Publish something. 
In short, my only serious criticism of Piranha is that you're not funny, you're generic clones of what the Irish Times thinks students should be, you're soullessly miserable, you're making me miserable too, your attempts at humour are vapid and depressing, your radicalism is congenitally mundane, and your best moments are distillated insipidity.
Aside from this, Piranha is quite good.
James Healy

Sunday, April 23, 2017

the first clue i ignored that donald trump might win the american presidential election

Halloween with the Sanchez family in Boston USA.
They were taking their son out trick or treating.
The child was not dressed as a conventional ghost or ghoul.
He was dressed as Donald Trump complete with dramatic orange hair style and sharp suit. He had worked up a few passingly amusing Donald Trump impressions to go with the ensemble.
The family had planned to call on their friends Robert and Erica who live up the street.
I knew Robert and Erica vaguely as a wealthy hardworking couple who like everyone else in Massuchusetts I presumed to be congenital demmycrats.
The Sanchez family bid me farewell and left me with my best friends Mary Tyler Moore and Gerry Seinfeld.
They returned in a flurry about five minutes later.
"What's wrong?" I blurted.
"Robert and Erica are Trump supporters," explained Mrs Sanchez soberly.