The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Thursday, March 02, 2017

prime minister enda kenny's feeling for snow

Perhaps a tad facetiously, I predicted a few weeks ago that Irish Prime Minister Enda Kenny would shortly produce some sort of showboating coup de main to distract public attention from his inability to fire a Chief Of Police facing allegations that she framed a hero cop for child abuse.
The facetiousness of my suggestion was embodied in the notion that Enda Kenny would do what he did last year as turmoil engulfed his government and announce a thoroughly frivolous referendum on some issue for which there was no public need or demand.
Last year he gave the Irish people an unsought for vote on redefining sex acts between people of the same gender as marriage.
He called his referendum the Marriage Equality Referendum.
My facetious prediction a few days ago was that Enda Kenny would shortly hold a referendum offering the Irish people the chance to redefine masturbation as marriage.
This would be known as the Masturbation Equality Referendum.
Enda Kenny has not done this.
Instead today he has deemed the Tinker gangs of Ireland as an ethnic minority.
I think history will hold that my facetious prediction was close enough.
But what next?
Well during the next series of crises for this crisis ridden government, I fully expect Prime Minister Enda Kenny to recognise successively and in short order the IRA, Cosa Nostra, Al Qaeda, and the Triads as ethnic minorities.
It is a cruel twist of fate that the more traditional, conventional wankers will have to wait their turn behind the criminal classes for legal recognition as to their ethnicity under Irish law.

heelers recommends

If you are dealing with memory loss or caring for someone who faces this, I recommend you buy a desk calendar with different images for every day. Some people will get joy and mental stimulation from calendars featuring dog or cat pictures. It is also very helpful for some of us to simply glance at the table and know what day and year it is. There are quite nifty desk calendars available featuring photos of horses. There may be other themes on offer which will suit you or your loved one or friends better than my own favourites. The "Workman" company in New York produces very fine gallery style calendars on these and other themes. These calendars can play a small but significant part in brightening our homes and lives.

the heelers data tapes

(The Heelers Diaries has received transcripts of tapes purporting to contain real time recordings of Irish Police Chief Noirin O'Sullivan interrogating herself on suspicion of framing a hero cop for child abuse. The tapes effectively lay to rest public concerns about Noirin O'Sullivan remaining in charge of the police force while she herself is the subject of this investigation.)

Noirin O'Sullivan: "Who did it? Who framed that man for child abuse?"

Noirin O'Sullivan: (Flings herself into interrogation chair.) "It wasn't me guv. Honest."

Noirin O'Sullivan; (Standing up and pacing.) "Where were you on the night of the fourth?"

Noirin O'Sullivan: (Sitting in chair again.) "I swear to god..."

Noirin O'Sullivan: (Circling the chair once more.) "Does the code name Sapphire mean anything to you?"

Noirin O'Sullivan: (Slumping in the chair.) "You'll never take me alive, Copper."

Mr O'Sullivan: (Noirin O'Sullivan's husband who is also a Police Chief and is watching the interrogation from behind a two way mirror.) "Jeez, the Chief is really giving herself the third degree."

(Cue Wick-Wick-Nerdle-Nerdle-Nerdle-Nerrr music from the 'rebels training' segment of Woody Allen's film Bananas, segueing smoothly into the Benny Hill theme, as the camera cuts to Noirin O'Sullivan chasing herself down a Dublin street, and being pursuied in turn by Prime Minister Enda Kenny, his cabinet (an Inigo Jones formalo original)  and twenty thousand tinkers whom Enda Kenny has just deemed an ethnic minority, while the IRA, Cosa Nostra, the Triads and Al Qaeda look on, laughing their holes off, and the end of Ireland as a free country.)


the years mount up
but do not gallop off
not yet though soon they'll run amok
tonight we are between time
between destiny darkness fortune and luck
i want to give you a gift
something that rhymes
but the only theme i can think of
is an old gag along familiar lines
about the world being at war the day you were born
it is you know
it always was
and it will be so in the morn
history itself is a storm
of souls against the infinite
but the thought rings too violent
for the poem i want
and i am left
with something
half achieved
more prose than poem
inspiration flees
soon no more words will come
the jungle chirrup
of fledgelings in the hedgerow
draws my eyes to the window
the darkness pulses
as a million times before
into something old
something new
something murky pure
i am confounded by the sight
grey light becoming white light
as the firstlings of the dawn drink the night

darkness visible

Celia looked thoughtful.
"You're going to be surprised to hear me say this," she murmured. "But if I could I'd uninvent the internet."
"I think this is to your credit," I told her. "But you will never have that power. The power you do have is to help me bring awareness to people of what the internet is being used for. The pornogrification of children and adults. The debasement of public discourse. The elevation of scoundrels. You could help me expose the Irish Judges who have refused to extradite Eoin Marques the number one supplier of child porngraphy, that is real films of real children being really raped, violated and murdered, the number one supplier on the planet, and Irish Judges have been dragging their heels over American requests to extradite him for the past three years. You could join me in letting people know about this and becoming a solution to this. You could join me in calling on people to close down their Facebook internet pages because the Facebook company refused to help Irish police identify those Facebook users who had used Facebook to harass Irish teenager Darren Gibson to death. You could help me start the campaign whereby people would write in the slot for their reasons for leaving Facebook the single word Darren. And let Facebook figure it out. And let Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg grow a conscience or die poor. You could join me in exposing the drug dealer who lvies at my gate or the corrupt skang cop who ran the law into the ground in my town for fifteen years. You could join me in fighting IRA mafia control of Irish trade unions, Irish Judges, and Irish cops, and Irish political parties. All this you could do. But Celia you cannot uninvent the internet. And there's no way of doing what I'm asking you to do, and remaining popular."