The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Saturday, September 05, 2009

a peaceful interlude

Evening at the Chateau de Healy.
I find the Mammy alone in the front room with the phone extension pressed to her ear.
She is listening intently, her hand over the mouth piece.
"What are you doing?" quoth I innocently.
"I'm listening in on one of your father's phone conversations," sez she.
"Mother," crieth I.
"I know, I know," sez she.
"Who's he talking to?" wondereth I.
"Some ould codger from his childhood in Blessington," explaineth she.
"You really shouldn't be listening in," murmureth I.
The Mammy nods.
"I promise you I'll never do it again," sez she bitterly. "Such a boring load of shite I've never heard in my life."

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

barack wades in

President Barack Obama today announced the appointment of a new Special Prosecutor to look at excesses which took place in the pursuit of Al Qaeda suspects during the Administration of President George Bush.
President Obama announced the appointment after fresh allegations of impropriety in the treatment of terrorist suspects came to light.
Special Prosecutor, Milton Scherbitzky, will immediately begin investigating the conduct of Todd Beamer and the passengers of a passenger jet which was allegedly hijacked by Al Qaeda on Nine Eleven.
Todd Beamer and other passengers took the plane back from the Muslim terrorist cowards who had hijacked it. 8
In doing so President Obama believes they may have exceeded their legitimate authority as passengers on a jet hijacked by Al Qaeda.
"I will not condone vigilanteism," President Obama told reporters this afternoon. "We are a nation of laws. We mustn't be afraid to ask questions. How much evidence did Todd Beamer have that the plane had been hijacked? How did he know for sure that the alleged hijackers were Al Qaeda members? How could he be sure that the alleged hijackers wouldn't have landed the plane peacefully? There is evidence that alleged hijackers respond better to kindness than to having their Muslim terrorist asses kicked all over the aeroplane. We have to look into these things and if necessary pass posthumous sentence on Todd Beamer and the other passengers. Alleged Muslim terrorists have been harassed and intimidated by people taking planes back off them for too long. We have to view these things in their proper context. By supporting Todd Beamer and his friends, America made enemies all over the (Muslim) world. There is no excuse for people taking the law into their own hands. I am particularly troubled by reports that Todd Beamer and the other passengers blew smoke in the alleged hijackers faces before kicking them in the alleged bawls and making them eat the alleged control panel on the alleged aircraft. Such behaviour is intolerable and I will not tolerate it. It is particularly distressing to me that all this happened on the same day as the alleged Nine Eleven attacks. Really I'm just trying to criminalise the Bush Administration any which way I can. That's the game. One way or another I'm gonna git you sucker. Unless you're a Muslim terrorist. In which case one way or another I'm gonna let you go."