The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Saturday, May 25, 2019

a short monograph on the entertainment industry

Happy Days was the Fonz Et Origo of television comedy focussing on nostalgic evocations of the not too distant past. (Origo was a great character.) We'll be back after the break with more Heelers Diaries.

Thursday, May 23, 2019

refuting star trek

1. Travelling backwards in time is not possible because the past no longer exists in the expansion.

2. The transporter beam as a means of travel for humans is not feasible. Transporter beams are not possible because turning people into wave energy emissions would kill them in the same way that vapourising people would kill them. There could be no conceivable way of reconstructing a living human being from a vapourised or transported one. There could be no conceivable way of directing a vapourised person to a particular location prior to reconstructing him.

3. Tractor beams are not feasible nor are likely.

4. Force fields are not feasible nor are likely.

5. Well into the era postulated by Star Trek for interstellar travel, we have yet to meet our first alien civilisation or visit our first adjacent galaxy.

6. There are no drug addict characters on Star Trek. With drug addiction sweeping through humanity, and with major drug gangs manipulating democracies towards the legalisation of their poisons (on the model currently perpetrated in Portugal and being attempted in Ireland) the postulation of a near future without drug addiction seems improbable in the extreme.

7. In the present age pharmaceutical corporations have abjectly subverted and colonised the medical profession through endowments, sponsorship and other forms of semi concealed bribery, in order to propagate the lie that human mental pain is a biochemical imbalance best treated by the rocket fuel derivatives (seriously that's what they are) known as anti depressants. Why are no Star Trek characters taking anti depressants? They all seem to be living without belief in God and without that expression of community we call going to Church, so it's unlikely they'll have avoided the suppurating mental agonies of our time. Indeed it is unlikely that such a monolithic and monstrous debasment of medicine as has been orchestrated by the marketing departments of the pharmaceutical industry, could have been so roundly reversed by the time Captain Kirk came along.

8. There is no Muslim Jihad in Star Trek. How did that happen? When did it stop? How? Why?

9; There is no work place bullying in Star Trek. When did the epidemic cease to bedevil the human race?

10. The Star Trek space ships moving at light speed is a contradiction in terms. Nothing can move at light speed because light has no speed. It has no speed because it has no mass. Anything with mass, say a ruddy great Starship Enterprise, could not traverse space in the way light emanations do.


Copy to Richard Dawkins and his friends at the BBC television station in Britain who from the 1960's were associated with the similarly unfeasible attempts to promote atheism with a pseudo science justification through a television show styled Doctor Who. At least the American shows were entertaining. Sigh. In other news Dawkins actually married Leela a character from Doctor Who.

Wednesday, May 22, 2019

new verses for an old carol

That cracking carol God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen has one great verse (the first one) and the rest is filler. I'm proposing some new verses to go with the good one as follows.

God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen

God rest ye merry gentlemen
Let nothing you dismay
Remember Christ our saviour was born on Christmas day
To save us all from satan's power when we had gone astray
Oh tidings of comfort and joy
Comfort and joy
Oh tidings of comfort and joy

Rejoice ye village children
Your joy is in the morn
This is the day when Christ the Lord
Our saviour was born
Your lives will sing in praise of him
Your hopes, your tears, your play
Oh tidings of comfort and joy
Comfort and joy
Oh tidings of comfort and joy

God grace ye pretty maidens
You are a gift of life
The holy one of Israel
Is with us here tonight
You are the crown of his creation
On this holy day
Oh tidings of comfort and joy
Comfort and joy
Oh tidings of comfort and joy

Tuesday, May 21, 2019

the incredible what

A night of strange and perturbed dreams.
I was the incredible Hulk and journalist Brian Byrne was trying to put two and two together as he pursued me across Ireland.
The sensation scene came when I was in my James Healy persona and said to Brian Byrne: "Mr Byrne, don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry."
And Brian Byrne said in his famous nasal twang: "I don't like you anyway."

the snurds ride out

Wandered into the pharmacy looking for some contraceptives to disapprove of.
My bearded cousin approacheth.
"Joe McKenna is in town."
"Were you talking to him?"
"Er no."
"You sound like you don't want to talk to him."
"Now why would that be?"
"Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that his daddy is described on his tombstone as Northern Division Commander of the IRA."
"That normally wouldn't stop you."
"Ah it might yeah."
"I'd have thought you'd be interested in a chat with a person who has such a public profile as a Christian."
"He is to the Christian religion what Officer Kadorsky is to the police force."
"Kadorsky has retired."
"Retired from what?"
"Okay okay. So you're not a fan of McKenna?"
"All that glisters is not gold."
"He is an ipsissimus."
"What's that?"
"Ah don't worry about it. According to the more respected horror movies, you should be alright as long as you don't invite him into your house,"