The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Friday, September 18, 2015

does alannis morissette dream of eclectic sheep

A Muslim child at an American school this week sparked a security scare when he set off a beeper device that looked like a bomb but which he claims was a digital clock designed by himself for a science project.
These things happen.
America President Barack Obama has written a letter to the Muslim child featuring the classic line: "Ahmed I would love to see your clock at the White House."
Wouldn't it be hilarious if little Ahmed self detonated while Barack was examining the bomb with his customary holier than thou face?
(Memo to CNN: News coverage of the event should feature Alannis Morisette emerging as the smoke clears. We see her picking her way amid the rubble and singing: "Isn't it ironic, dontchya think...")

Thursday, September 17, 2015

the greatness of donald trump

Donald Trump has just stated during a live television debate that he believes vaccines given to children in infancy are causing autism.
I think Mr Trump is correct on this matter and I was astonished that he was so well informed and so principled in his statements about it.
I would suggest that what passes for our international medico academic community has behaved with gross dishonour in its previous and ongoing attempts to marginalise and discredit investigators who  have pointed to data indicating that Measles/Mumps/Rubella vaccines are causing autism.
I believe the medical community have made a faustian pact with big pharmaceutical companies and with political pseudo elites in may countries to promote vaccination programmes for children while knowing full well that a number of children so vaccinated will become autistic by reason of the vaccination process itself.
I believe doctors and medical professionals and their supervisory organisations have decided unofficially that more children will be saved by the vaccines than will become autistic, and that the ongoing implementation of international vaccination programmes outweighs the interests of those children who will be permanently damaged by them.
I do not think parents would appreciate being advised to vaccinate children who have no illness to prevent an illness the child may never get, with the proviso that the vaccination while supposedly preventing such an illness will in some cases render healthy children autistic.
So the advice is not given.
The truth is not told.
The vaccination programmes continue.
Children become autistic after receiving the doses.
A growing number of parents struggle to warn the public that they have seen autism develop immediately after vaccinations.
The evidence of those parents is continually suppressed.
A terrible wrong doing is perpetrated.
Lemme tell ya.
Donald Trump's insights on the matter show wisdom, discernment, compassion, and courage.
There is a lot more to Donald Trump than entertainment and showmanship.

Wednesday, September 16, 2015

the divils dictionary

Heelers Guide To Modern English Terminology And Expressions


Erse: Archaic word for the Irish language. Hence the expression: "Shove it up your Erse."

Mess: 1. Disorganised or untidy array of items. 2. Place where Irish army officers eat. So called because of the state they leave it in, ie Arabia.

IRA: 1. Zen like mendacious concept of non existence, also nirvana, null point, vacuum. Hence Irish Police Chief Noirin O'Sullivan's statement: "The IRA does not exist." 2. Mafia gang piggybacking on Irish history to enslave Ireland to an alliance of gangland entities including Al Qaeda, Cosa Nostra, Chinese Triads, Russian mafias, Nigerian devil worship rings, et al. Particularly Al. I hate him.

Susannah Hoffs: Girl who looks like she wants to have sex with Spock in the video to Going Down To Liverpool.

Monday, September 14, 2015

no truth in the rumour

There is no truth in the rumour that amid mounting calls to toughen up law enforcement against the IRA led mafia rampage in the Republic of Ireland, Irish Police Chief Noirin O'Sullivan will be replaced by the cartoon character Rainbow Brite with My Little Pony serving as Second In Command. But I wish it was true. Rainbow Brite and My Little Pony might get something done. (Picture Rainbow Brite staring down a magnum 44 at a wounded Rah man capo and intoning: "I know what you're thinking punk. Did he fire six shots or only five?" And while the Rah man is contemplating the conundrum My Little Pony gives him a good root in the bawls. Ah. If only we could have our druthers.)

the crunch question


Question: What is Sinn Fein?

Answer: Sinn Fein is the blood laundering political front for Ireland's terrorist mafia the IRA.

no truth in the rumour

Further to wimminy Police Chief Noirin O'Sullivan's admission this week that the IRA terrorist mafia still exists, and her odd insistence that while existing, the IRA takes no part in the mafia crime spree engulfing Ireland, there is no truth in the rumour that the Irish Police Force is to move its headquarters from the Phoenix Park to the Gumdrop Forest on the edge of Happy Land. No hang on. That is true.

idea for a novelty music video in aid of the IRA mafia's parliamentary proxies in Ireland the party political blood laundering front styled Sinn Fein





The song is a skit on Paul Simon's Fifty Ways To Leave Your Lover. It will be an homage to the IRA's use of torture to violate many of the human beings it kills. The song will be called: Fifty Places To Stick An Electro Prod.

Sinn Fein capo Gerry Adams sings with County Kildare Sinn Fein councillors Thomas Redmond and Sorcha O'Neill providing backing vocals :

"Although torturing human beings
Is something quite obscene
I never let such delicatesse
Stop me making quite a mess
In all my time
Destroying people's lives
I've noted
There must be fifty places to stick an electro prod

Hit him in the puss Gus
Middle of the back Jack
Stick it up the anus Seamus
And listen to me
Back of the head Jed
All over the thighs Giles
In the testicules Jules
And get your self free

We like killing, drugging, thieving
Men and women as cattle dealing
Raping children
I'm not deceiving
About the fifty ways the IRA violates human beings
Oooh ooh ooh
Fifty ways the IRA violates human beings
And during all these many years
We've distracted you with anti British fears
Now we're trafficking Muslims in
If you mess with us you're in the bin
As Osama says
There must be fifty places to stick an electro prod

Right in the hole Cole
Nearer to the balls Holz
Centre of the belly Kelly
And listen to me
Hit em in the neck Lech
Down to the vagina Regina
All over the hands Hans
And get yourself free

Back of the head Jed
Behind the knees Lee
All over the bod Rod
And listen to me
Where he can't reach ye
Scapaticci
Clean up the pus Gus
Centre of the penis Enus
And we get Ireland for free"