idea for a novelty music video in aid of the bjhanc* foundation

Note: We need to get the old British golf commentator Peter Alliss to do a guest spot in this video.

The song is a parody of Living Next Door To Alice. This is how it goes:

"It was strangely optimistic of me
To send off a job application to the BBC
But I'd always dreamed of working next door
To Alliss."

Peter Alliss then interjects: "Alliss? Alliss? Who the f--- is Alliss?"

"Now they've replied formally
And they weren't exactly too nice to me
And I've gotta get used to not living next door to Alliss"

Peter Alliss again interrupts the song in his quintessentially plummy tones to enquire: "Alliss? Alliss? Who the f--- is Alliss?"

"I don't what I'm doing
Or where I'm gonna go
There's got to be a reason
But I just don't wanna know
Now I've got to get used to not living next door to Alliss."

Peter Alliss: "What on earth is he talking about?"

"I've always wanted to be
A left wing conformist at the BBC
Covering up for Jihadis
And the gangster bank HSBC
Like Alliss..."

Peter Alliss says: "Heyyy!"

"Now I realise it's not my destiny
To frame Cliff Richard with the help of corrupt Rupert Murdock subverted freemasonic police
So I'd better get used to not living next door to Alliss..."

Peter Alliss says: "Too right, you'd better."

"I don't know what I'm doing
Or where I'm going to go
I guess there is a reason
But I just don't want to know
Now I've gotta get used to not living next door to Alliss
Yes I've gotta get used to not promoting the atheistic suicide of our culture
Next door to Alliss..."

Peter Alliss says: "What charity is this in aid of again?  Sorry. Alliss? Alliss? Who the f--- is Alliss"






* The BJHANC is the Buy James Healy A New Car foundation.

chessnutz

(Our weekly chess puzzle)
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Bobby Fisher versus Ronald De La Rochefoucauld

London 1977

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Fisher playing the White pieces has a lot of action going on. His rooks are locking horns with their opponents and his queen is well forward and similarly engaged. The Black king is exposed but he's a piece in front. Can you see how White decisively turned the tables in this apocalyptic end game?

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Answer: Fisher was well aware of persistent rumours that De La Rochefoucauld was involved with freemasonry. At an opportune moment he lean forward and asked his opponent: "Been worshiping Jahbulon lately?" De La Rochefoucauld turned pale, rose from the table and stormed out of the room, thereby forfeiting the game. Jahbulon is of course the name under which freemasons worship satan. Fisher went on to win the world championship but the International Chess Federation has since outlawed the Jahbulon manoeuvre in open chess competitions.