fanfare for the c'mon man

 

(the Joe Biden diaries)

My lackey attendant valet thingie woke me up this morning at eleven thirty with some darn fool notion that I should get out of bed.

"C'mon man," I told him.

And I meant it.

Putin (Russian President) says he's invented a vaccine that kicks ass.

At the sumit conference meeting thingie last month I asked him how it works.

He said: "We send the KGB round and beat them black and blue."

I asked did that activate the body's immune system.

He said: "No. But after a session with the KGB they don't care about Covid anymore. It's all about perspective."

I wish we could do that in America, the United States, land of our fathers, here, thingie.

Why am I the first Biden in a thousand generations to enjoy rasperberry Squishies?

My Vice President (Kamala Harris) is supposed to be sorting out the non crisis at our southern borders.

I'm afraid to pressure her for results in case she calls me white or something.

If she doesn't buck up I'm going to have to say "C'mon man" to her too.

Whew. I'm bushed. That's enough diary writing for one day. I need a rest. I just wanna lie down in that oblong rectangular bed thingie and sleep for a week.

Etc etc.

live feed from press conference by white house spokes sexor jen psaki

 

Jen Psaki is on the podium speaking.

Something seems very strange.

For a moment I can't figure out what it is.

It's...

It's the air of civility.

When Trump was in power his various press secretaries were routinely shouted down, mocked, vilified and made the mawkish subjects of sledge hammer subtle parodies on late night TV.

Let's face it.

During Trump's time his various Press Secretaries couldn't get a word in edgeways at meetings with the press. What with CNN's Jim Acosta turning every conference into the Jim Acosta Show(boating) and the other gentlemen of the press corps clearly coordinating with each other in advance to hector the press secretary and prevent him or her from either making a point or moving on to the next point by continually deferring to each other as pre arranged.

They buried three of Trump's press secretaries, the hard man Sean Spicer in whom they all but induced a nervous breakdown, as well as the thoroughly efficient Sarah Saunders (a preacher's daughter) and Kayleigh McAneany (Satan's.)

Trump White House pressers were a free for all piranha feeding frenzy with the press corps ganging up on whoever held the podium for the Prez.

But this is different.

With President Joe Biden in office the journos seem to have changed tack.

Can it be.

Why.

This press conference is positively sedate.

It's like I'm watching tea with Queen Elizabeth The Second live from Windsor Castle.

Af Queen's tea conferences at Windsor were invariably sedate except for the one where her lackies discovered Prince Philip had been dead for three days.

But look at this.

Jen Psaki deftly turning aside the most vaguely implied criticisms with urbane ease.

Good heavens.

I think I hear cooing.

The journalists are actually cooing at President Joe Biden's White House press secretary Jen Psaki.

She makes me want to coo a bit too but for reasons entirely unrelated to politics.

The ghost of a musician who occasionally styles himself Prince appears and explains it to me in song.

Prince sings thusly:

"Dig if you will my picture

Of a conference in the White House press room

Animals strike curious poses

They can't figure out

They can't figure out

Why no one is shouting anybody else down.

Dream if you will a media circus

With oceans of journalists in bloom

Cameramen strike curious poses

They feel the heat

The heat from Jen Psaki too

How could they just leave President Trump standing

Alone in a world so cold

Maybe I'm just too demanding

Maybe I'm just like CNN

Too bold

Maybe I'm just like NBC

They're never satisfied

Why aren't they shouting at each other?

This is what it sounds like

When doves vote Demmycrat

Oh oh oh

Woh oh oh

Eee eeee eee

Dunk dunk dunk dunk

Dink dink dink dink

Dunk dunk dunk dunk

Dink dink dink dink

Wo oh oh

Oh oh oh ohhhhhh."

Trust Prince to sort it all out.

new scandals engulf catholicism in terrifying wave of speculative cliches

 

Fears are growing of an imminent schism in Catholicism after Pope Francis was said to be contemplating plans to transform the entire church into a nightclub called Lola's.

"Even those who don't know what a schism is are worried," said a clearly worried Cardinal Von Horst. "Schism. It just sound scary, you know. I could imagine a horror movie character called Schism. The schism is gonna get you, the schism is gonna get you. Gloria Estefan would have a field day. Anyhoo. We'll all be rooned before the night is over."

Concerns about Francis' Papacy date to the day of his election in 2013 when rumours swept the conclave of a clique promoting the man known then simply as Jorge Borgoglio, for the office of Pope using the slogan: "Vote Bergoglio or you are a clodpoll."

The slogan appears to have been stolen from the old Jennings books although there is no suggestion that Jennings himself or Derbyshire were involved.

Disquiet about Bergoglio and his supporters' methods has deepened at regular intervals since then with one source claiming to have heard the Pope threatening to fire the entire College of Cardinals thusly: "Don't they know I'm the boss here? I'll have their red hats."

Whether Francis really said this or not, the fact that I'm making it up clearly indicates a problem at the upper reaches of his administration.

The average Cardinal's attachment to his red hat would make such a threat something not to be sneezed at.

On another occasion Francis is said to have threatened to "get" Pope Benedict if he didn't "shut up."

An unpublished internal report which no one has seen confirms that morale in the Vatican is at an all time low.

Testimonies from anonymous sources claim that the Pope not only permitted Pachamama idols to be venerated in Saint Peter's basilica during the so called Amazon summit of 2019 but also danced with one while performing pelvic thrusts which left nothing to the imagination.

The ongoing refusal of Pope Francis to formally bestow the title Mediatrix Of All Graces on the Blessed Virgin Mary, a title never accorded to the BVM by any Pope in history, is being taken by some critics as evidence of something that further evidence would be needed for, in order to take it further.

Unidentified witnesses also claim to have seen Bergoglio roughing Cardinal Angelo Becciu's collar after Becciu was caught sending millions ot dollars to Australia as bribes to frame Cardinal Andrew Pell for child abuse.

"You stupid wop," Francis is said to have said. "Don't you know that when you bribe someone to frame someone for child abuse in order to protect Satanists, Freemasons and the Cosa Nostra Mafia's use of the Vatican bank as a money laundering operation, the first thing you don't do is leave a money trail."

The issue of transforming the Catholic church has always been integral to Francis' perceived agenda but this is the first time sources have suggested he might turn the ancient church into a night club called Lola's.

"Lola's actually isn't such a bad name," commented musician Barry Manilow cautiously. "I'm sort of flattered. Lola's. Yes it has something. Let me see. Lola! She was a showgirl. In a nightclub north of Havana. At the Coca... Coca Cabana. Music and passion were always in fashion at the Coca until she fell in love. Well you know what I mean. Actually, I may have to sue."

game of kick in the bawls i mean thrones

 

The noble Heelers emerges from a church in the town of Naas.

A little old lady hurries up.

"Here," she says. "I have something for you. It's a new newspaper. I think you might like it. You can give it back to me when you've finished with it."

I thank her and remove myself to a park to read.

The newspaper is called The Irish Light.

It appears to have been produced independently but in some sort of association with a British supposedly counter cultural publication called The English Light.

From the cover I perceive an editorial line warning about the Corona Virus vaccines.

Promising.

There's something else on the cover about climate change being a scam.

Curiouser and curiouser.

And Ireland being run by a criminal cabal.

Hey.

I'm starting to like this.

The Irish Light is edited by one Gemma O'Doherty. (Two Gemma O'Dohertys would have been ridiculous.) I've heard of her Horatio. She's a big enough name in Irish journalism with all the attendant ups and downs of someone who's mixed it at the top.

The Wikipedia internet website claims she was fired from Independent Newspapers in 2014 for "unethical behaviour."

This is as untrue as everything else on Wikipedia.

In fact she was fired from Independent Newspapers in 2014 for hugely ethical behaviour, ie for doorstepping (seeking to confront and interview at his house) the hideously corrupt then Chief of Police Martin Callanan who is himself most famous in Ireland for trying to frame hero cop Maurice McCabe on trumped up charges of child abuse. Callanan was Chief of Police while an organised cop mafia was laundering money through the Police training college at Templemore. He was also Chief of Police while renegade cops were stealing millions by claiming to have performed alcohol breathalyser tests on motorists which had never happened. He was also Chief of Police when a number of still unexplained deaths of people in police custody took place which the police omitted to include in their official statistics for deaths in police custody. Gemma O'Doherty's attempt to confront Martin Callanan on his doorstep is one of the most profoundly ethical acts in the history of Irish journalism. And Independent Newspapers fired Gemma O'Doherty for doorstepping that scoundrel.

So I'm aware of Gemma O'Doherty but not necessarily a fan or a detractor.

I'd have a critical appreciation for her individualism and courage.

But I think she's behaved disgracefully vis a vis a video she published on the internet falsely accusing a man in Donegal of child murder.

At the time I wrote to her: "Tell me you have something more.Tell me you didn't ruin that man on an emotional whim."

I received no reply.

Perhaps she never got my letter.

So Gemma O'Doherty is the editor of The Irish Light.

Sitting on a bench in the park, surrounded by noisy and demonstrative swans and ducks and crows who seem chagrined that I have no bread for them, I read the new newspaper.

Yes I approve of the critique of the Covid 19 vaccines and of the discussion regarding governmental manipulation of discourse on the matter.

There's stuff I don't like.

Ads for mediums who'll contact the dead for a reasonable fee.

Articles about the healing power of magnets.

The feature headlined promisingly "A Criminal Cabal Runs Ireland," turns out disappointingly to be a bog standard 1960s pap  piece giving a free pass to IRA mafias like the Kinahanes, the Hutch Gang and the Maloneys, while labelling virtually everyone else in public life, public service and among the citizenry, a hoodlum.

Ho hum.

The line between bold free thinking campaigning journalism and rubbish is a fine one.

Still there's a refreshing critique of the vaccines and the Flu panic and that's got to count for something.

All in all, I'm inclined to photocopy this newspaper and start pushing it through letter boxes.

John Waters, a famous Irish Times writer who latterly staged some sort of Christian conversion is also involved.

Theoretically Gemma O'Doherty and John Waters together in one newspaper represent a very strong opening hand for any new publication.

I go home to brood.

There's a passle of aunties in the outer room and I give them The Irish Light to read.

There are whoops of recognition almost immediately and a shout: "This is the sort of stuff you would write."

"Give it a chance," I tell em.

I go to the inner sanctum and use my computer to pay a visit to Gemma O'Doherty's personal website.

Her website contains videos endeavouring to exonerate Hitler for his historical crimes and accusing the Jews of bankrupting Germany before World War One.

I kid you not.

Well this has been a quick romance.

I stand up wordlessly.

I return to the kitchen.

I retrieve The Irish Light from my aunts and before their astonished eyes tear it into fritters.

"I'm very sorry I exposed you to that rubbish," I tell them.

I gather up the fritters mindful of my assurance to the Little Old Lady in the street that I would return her newspaper when I had finished with it.

In the cosmic sense, truly, I am finished with it.

cultural dynamics

 

they're burning catholic churches in canada

in a nationwide iconoclastic pogrom

because someone said an 1840s orphanage

had 700 unmarked graves thereon

the methodology for the incitement

was borrowed from ireland

where last year one pious feministic atheist drone

catherine corless

calling herself an historian

claimed Victorian era nuns

had dumped dead babies in a sewerage tank

wielding bibles no less

the hate unleashed did its work

and few enough troubled to follow up

when the truth emerged

that no such burial took place

but that a county council bought the land

and dug up whatever bones it could find

nuns babies all

and buried them in a communal heap

to make room for a housing scheme

for catherine corless and her ilk

of course

catherine corless was not seeking

a pogrom against county councils

heaped with honours

she does not trouble further

her slander has done her work for her

the hate unleashed

has gone around the world

the vileness of the blood libel against the ancient church

i have not words to condemn

the irish who embraced it have damned themselves

the canadians too

they will not enjoy islam