The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Wednesday, December 24, 2014


on stopping by starbucks on a snowy evening with a biting hamster under my jersey

whose cafe this is
i think i know
his corporate headquarters is in seattle though
he will not see me stopping here
to watch his cafe fill up with proles

whose cafe this is
i haven't a clue
the place is full of teen yobs now
they will not mind me stopping here
unless i catch their eye
or look at their girlfriends legs
or otherwise interfere
with their magnificent lives
of serious drugs
and casual sex

my little hamster must think it queer
to stop without a hamster cage near
between the grocery and the bookshop with the dude where's my car counter assistants
the darkest evening of the year

he gives the spare tyre on my belly a nip
to remind me to leave the russian waitress a tip
the only other sound's the shriek
i unleash at the sight of my own blood

this cafe is lovely dark and cavernous
but i've a biting hamster up my vest
and budgies to feed before midnight mass
and budgies to feed before midnight mass

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

today they said

Bertold Brecht: "So the world stood up and got together to stop the b-st-rd. But the bitch that bore him, is in heat again."

James Healy: "Prescient Bertold. But you lefties never guessed it would be Jihadis did you?"

(Attention commentator Mark Steyn: You are hereby forbidden to mention Bertold Brecht, the word Prescient, or bitches being in heat again, for at least a month. - God note)

the twelve days of christmas

On the first day of Christmas, Muslim Jihadis sent to me... trucks ploughing through French people on the streets of Dijon and other cities, along with the stabbing of two French police officers, while the CNN television station stated that there was no clear motive for any of these attacks.
On the second day of Christmas, Muslim Jihadis sent to me... the execution style murder of two police officers in New York with CNN and Sky News helping to conceal the Islamist motivations of the murderer by simply not reporting them.
On the third day of Christmas, Muslim Jihadis sent to me... the bombing of a bus stop in Nigeria along with more kidnappings, rapes and murders of villagers in Northern Nigeria.
On the fourth day of Christmas, Muslim Jihadis sent to me... Lone Wolf attacks against Israeli citizens, the phrase lone wolf meaning Al Qaeda has now found a new form of peculiarly implausible deniability.
On the fifth day of Christmas, Muslim Jihadis sent to me... a new head hackers terror army ravaging Iraq and Syria, calling itself Isis but really just Al Qaeda in drag. Al Qaeda claims to have disaffiliated from Isis. This fake disaffiliation was carried out to enable Turkey to continue provisioning and training Isis. Turkey is also providing Isis with territorial access for its supply lines. Turkey cannot afford to be caught helping Al Qaeda so the disaffiliation gives it a layer of protection for its treachery. Al Qaeda is further hoping that by disaffiliating from Isis, the flow of American tax payer's cash from United States President Barack Obama's Administration to Al Qaeda's revolution in Syria, may continue. Which it has.
On the sixth day of Christmas, Muslim Jihadis sent to me... more head hacking attacks in London and Oklahoma, and the shooting dead of a soldier at a war memorial in Canada, which CNN and Sky News claim are random incidents involving yet more Lone Wolves, yawn.
On the seventh day of Christmas, Muslim Jihadis sent to me... a ramming attack with gas cylinder bombs in the vehicle against the headquarters of Spain's governing political party. CNN say the attack appears to have been carried out by a disgruntled businessman. My view is that the Spanish attack like many of the other randoms is clear evidence that Al Qaeda is learning to hide behind faux random attackers to avoid the risk we might all get together to put a stop to their gallop.
On the eight day of Christmas, Muslim Jihadis sent to me... a new head hacking terror army attacking and dismembering villagers, men, women, and children, in the Democratic Republic of Congo from Uganda.
On the ninth day of Christmas, Muslim Jihadis sent to me... the massacre of 132 children at a school in Pakistan, the burning alive of a teacher who tried to protec the students, and the murder of eight other teachers.
On the tenth day of Christmas, Muslim Jihadis sent to me... the murder of two people in an Australian cafe by a Jihadi who was out on bail for the murder of his wife. He had murdered his wife in collusion with his girlfriend Amira. The wife was stabbed repeatedly and then set on fire by the girlfriend. Liberal Australian judges had released him on bail so that he could murder some more before the Yuletide season ended. Useless Australian police had failed to detain him after a telephone warning that he was about to do exactly what he did to the people in that cafe. You couldn't make this stuff up.
On the eleventh day of Christmas, Muslim Jihadis sent to me... an attempt to subvert American civil rights protests through the infiltration of Al Qaeda operatives into street demonstrations in the city of Ferguson.

(Memo to those honorable people who suggested I was racist for trying to warn about a world wide Muslim terror army threatening humanity: All of the above happened in the Christmas season. You will admit, they do get around don't they?)

Sunday, December 21, 2014

the crunch question

Question: What have commentator Mark Steyn, actor George Clooney and General Westley Clarke got in common?

Answer: No it's not that they launched what I believed was a frivolous conflict in the Balkans in order to distract attention from Bill Clinton's Lewinski problem, thereby risking World War Three by alienating Russia which was trying to democratise at the time, and further risking World War Three by accidentally deliberately directing a missile into the Chinese embassy to Yugoslavia during that same war because, if I'm correct, they suspected elements of Slobadan Milosevich's command and control were there. That was just General Clarke. It's not that they spent the War On Terror rooting for the Jihadi's. That was just George Clooney. It's not blah blah blah. That was just Mark Steyn. What these three have in common, is that they all, all, all, believe the North Korean communist dictatorship hacked into Sony Corporation's computers last week to prevent the release of a film nobody cares about, nobody is talking about, and nobody wants to see.

(Note to self: Check with Sesame Street to see if this one is eligible for their "Three of these guys are kinda the same" segment.)