The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Friday, September 11, 2015

man of aran

I sat on a little stone wall, meditating on scutch grass fields and tumble down cottages, that are the ancestral home to an island race.
This is Aran.
An island off the west coast of Ireland which holds something of the soul of all of us,
Here the Irish language is still spoken.
Here men still batter wind and waves to scrape a living from rock.
Here the ancient is but yesterday.
I sat,
Mists, and rain and breezes about me.
From somewhere not too far away a low keening singing broke out.
A peasant song.
Something ancient.
I listened desperately to discern the words.
I speak school Irish but I'm not quite on top of the lingo spoken here.
If only I could discern it.
The singer approached up a sunken lane.
He was a little boy, maybe eight years old.
His song became knowable to my ears.
He was singing:
"Glory, glory Man United."
He halted in front of me.
"Do you like Man United?" he enquired.
"Oh yes, up Man United," I answered.
Well satisfied the little boy continued up the bohreen still singing lustily his ancient Gaelic eulogy to Sir Matt Busby, Roy Keane, Eric Cantona, Ryan Giggs, Oleg Gunnar Solksjaerr and the other heroes of that Celtic Valhalla the ancients still call Old Trafford.

Wednesday, September 09, 2015

the waiting

grey light upon sleeping fields
the stillness i have come to love
time and tide cease surcease
peace sits like a glove
shadow sifts like memory

the dogs stirs on his chain
and whines and lifts his eyes
for the walk he knows we'll take
though storm clouds steal the skies
and grey light curtains into rain

so waits the world tonight
in darkness and in pain

the world waits for christ

false modesty routine

Afternoon in the heartland.
I enter the cafe.
A mangeress approaches.
The nice one.
"Any news James?" she enquires brightly.
The cafe actually stills.
It really does.
I feel the expectations of those at the tables.
In this town, they always think I have something to impart.
A drollery.
A call to rescue our democracy from the IRA skanger mafias that are stealing it.
A congenial offer of blood, toil, tears and sweat.
But always something.
The weight of expectation is palpable.
"No," I tell her, " I have no news."
The cafe resumes its buzz.
The truth bold readers is that I do have news.
The news is that this very day, I have driven 200 miles for a job interview in Kerry, have taken a wrong turn, then driven another hundred miles out of my way, and ended up in Cork.
Now after a few hundred more miles, I'm home again, having missed the interview, and I want my pork chops.
Cafe society will have to manage without this news except for the bit about pork chops.
Seinfeld has cancelled the series at its height.
(You're not Seinfeld - Ed note)
(Churchill then - Heelers note)

at home with the geldoffs

(Channel Four have announced that they are looking at filming a new Reality TV show featuring live round the clock footage of musician Bob Geldoff living with two Syrian familes at his flat in London. The move comes after Mr Geldoff announced he was going to lead by example in inviting the two families of Syrian  refugees into his home. I imagine the first episode will play out something like this.)

Bob: "Alroight Mohammed. It's toime for dinner. Where's yer woife?"

Mohammed: "My wife cannot join us in this room. She will eat in the other room with the children."

Bob: "Why?"

Mohammed: "Because she is a woman."

Bob: "That's so incredibly bloody condescending. Your wife, I mean yer woife, will eat here with us. Just like my present mistress does."

(The Muslim beheads Bob Geldoff.)


Well folks, after years of  inflicting debauching subhuman dross on the general public, I think Reality TV may finally have found its niveau d'excellence.

idea for a charity novelty music video in aid of people traffickers

(Pardon Me But Your People Trafficking Is In My Democracy)

Flicking through the channels on the sexevision.
I alight on the child pornography channel MTV.
There is a rather good remix playing.
It is a version of Money For Nothing by Dire Straits but sung by a new group styling itself the IRA Al Qaeda Cosa Nostra Chinese Triad Choir Ensemble.
They're quite good singers but even if they weren't you'd be careful about telling them,
Ah the scum.
They don't like it up em.
The song goes:

"Look at them Mafioso's
That's the way you do it
You traffic a million Muslims into It-a-ly
That ain't working
That's the way you do it
You get your Muslims for nothing
And your Jihad for free
We gotta install corrupt politicians
People trafficking deliver-i-i-i-es
We gotta move these ancient European freedoms
We gotta install Mafia prox-i-i-i-es
Wurra wurra wurra
Shudda learned to tranship human cargo
Shudda learned to deal dem drugs
Look at that Mama
She's got a brothel near where James Healy lives
She cows her heifers with Nigerian devil worship thugs
And what's that
Allah U Akbar chants
They're jangling down on Main Street like an MTV
Oh that ain't working
That's the way you do it
We get your money for nothing
You get Jihadi's for free
We gotta install proxy politicians
People trafficking deliver-i-i-i-es
We gotta silence the voice
Of democratic discourse
We gotta end ancient sovereignt-i-i-i-es
Ar ar ar ar ar
Ner ner nerdle nerdle nerdle
Ner ner ner ner ner nern
Look at that 
Mohawk haired skanger
Drugging and a thugging with stolen mone-e-e-e-y
That little skanger's got his own Audi A4
That little skanger works for me
We got install proxy politicians
People trafficking deliver-i-i-ies
We got bribe the cops and the Judges
We gotta banish democrac-i-i-i-es
Ner ner nerdle nerdle nerdle
Ner ner ner ner nern
Ner ner nerdle nerdle nerdle
Ner ner ner ner nern
Shudda learned
To deal dem drugs
Shudda learned
To bow to scum
Come on let's steal Ireland
Man we could have some
Now here's a Quran
That's the way you do it
You read those suras and bow to me
That ain't working
That's the way you do it
You read your suras
And embrace slavery"

Fade out with Sting singing as in original version: "I want my, I want my, I want my Ji-had-i's"

Tuesday, September 08, 2015

inversions of sovereignty

Making The People Accountable To The Politicians

In Ireland this week there are newspaper advertisements advising the general public that any contact with any elected politician may amount to lobbying and that all lobbyists must register their interest. So if as happened last week, I visit a parliamentarian and tell him: "Abortion is murder," now I am required by law to contact a public servant and inform him of my actions.
I'm not going to do that.
The law is invidious and cannot stand.

minutes of latest IRA Al Qaeda Cosa Nostra consultations on people trafficking

Don Corleone: "So dis is what we do. We ship da immigrants onto the Med and drown a few hundred of them every week. Let the pressure build. The media will do our work for us. Then we smother a few hundred more in the back of meat trucks and abandon em at the side of da road in Austria. Lotsa cute dead kids. That's the money shot. That's what we need on prime time. And wait'll ya see how the media will lap it up. They'll sing our song for us. Immigration law will collapse. Dat's da racket. The politicians will answer to us, not to the people. They'll lower their boarders. We'll flood Europe with Muslims and African fascists. It'll be a blast. Well it will be when the Muslims warm up. Da important ting is dat regardless of the fate of western civilisation, we get our money for nothing, And they get their Jihadis for free. Ha ha. Money for nothing. Ho yeah. Jihadis for free. Look at that mohawk skanger, sitting on the street corner, thugging and a drugging on his MTV. That little skanger's got his own Audi A4. That little skanger works for me. We gotta install proxy politicians. Free Muslim deliver-i-i-ies. We gotta move these forty million Arabs. They're gonna live now in your countries. Oh hubba hubba. Shudda learned to tranship human beings. Shudda learned to deal dem drugs. Lookit that Mama. She's got her own brothel in Newbridge. She cows her heifers with black magic thugs. Gotta install microwave ovens Custom kitchen deliveries. We gotta move these African fascists. We gotta move these Jihadis. Hoo yeah hooh yeah hoo yeah. Ner ner, nerdle nerdle nerdle nerdle nerdle nurn."

what are little Sinn Feiners made of

Question: How do the IRA's parliamentary proxies in Ireland, ie the political party styled Sinn Fein, fund themselves?

Answer: The modern reinvention of Sinn Fein over the past decade is funded by bank robbery. The main funding for the present expansion of Sinn Fein came from two bank jobs. The first was the Northern Bank Robbery in the year 2004, a somewhat traditional bank job involving gun men and terrorism but with the additional flourish of collaboration involving IRA agents on the bank's staff. Here's how it was done. IRA mobsters pretended to kidnap family members of IRA infiltrators on the staff of the Northern Bank and used the fake kidnapping as a cover for their infiltrators to hand over 30 million dollars to the IRA while pretending to be in fear for their faux kidnapped family members' lives, The Irish courts convicted one Sinn Fein member living in County Cork for his part in this robbery but the IRA have substantially infiltrated the Irish judiciary and the conviction was thrown out by a higher court working on behalf of the IRA.  For the Cork Sinn Fein mafioso, a pattycake retrial excluded the most important piece of evidence, and the Sinn Fein money laundering thief received a non custodial sentence, ie he was sentenced to nought years in jail for stealing 30 million quid. This at a time folks, when Irish courts are jailing people for non payment of dog licences. I kid you not. United Kingdom courts in Northern Ireland have suffered similar bouts of delicatesse in their unwillingness to convict and incarcerate Sinn Fein's principal agent on the Northern Bank's staff, the one who stole and then handed over the thirty million while pretending to be in fear for his family members' lives. The Northern Bank robbery is considered the biggest bank robbery in Irish history. This assessment is not correct. The second IRA bank robbery of the past ten years far exceeded any other bank job in Irish or indeed world history including that of the Northern Bank. I am referring to the IRA's institutional burglarisation of its own bank styled Anglo Irish Bank which took place over a number of years culminating in the bank's collapse in 2008, This time the robbery involved the IRA making itself the effective owner of the bank and inserting a far higher number of IRA agents among staff and management. Anglo Irish Bank was owned and operated by IRA members, Sean Fitzpatrick, David Drumm et al. Anglo Irish Bank was systematically burglarised by the IRA simply by awarding illegal billion dollar loans to Sean Fitzpatrick, David Drumm, and to proxy IRA businessman Sean Quinn and his odious IRA family. Sean Quinn also became an owner of the bank through illegal share dealings financed with billion dollar borrowings from the bank itself. The IRA's systematic burglarisation of its own bank was then further concealed by the bank's collapse and by a corrupt Fianna Fail Minister for Finance in the Irish government called Brian Lenihan (since conveniently deceased), by Lenihan's accomplice the corrupt Fianna Fail Prime Minister Brian Cowan, and by their successors in Ireland's present Fine Gael Labour Party combo government. The treasonous crew consisting of Lenihan, Cowan and the present day Fine Gael Labour Party government have put Ireland into the Third World overnight by looting the Treasury in order to pay off the IRA's illegal loans, the same illegal loans which were really a systematic burglarisation disguised as illegal loans, and which the IRA had obtained illegally through its illegal proxies on the board of the IRA's illegally owned bank.

the crunch question

Question: Is there any humane solution to the plight of millions of refugees being trafficked into Europe by Organised Crime syndicates?

Answer: Yes. Don't let them in. And expel the organised crime gangs which are trafficking them here, ie the IRA, Al Qaeda, Cosa Nostra, Chinese Triads, various Russian mafias, and the Nigerian mob.

Monday, September 07, 2015

war of the woefuls i mean worlds

Disgraced former Justice Minister of the Republic of Ireland Alan Shatter has written a poem about the current refugee crisis.
Just when I thought the tragedy couldn't get any worse.
Hoo baby.
Oh the humanity.
It's hurting the back of my eyes.
The poem was published in the bankrupt Sunday Independent newspaper this weekend and is a predictable piece of let-em-have-irish-passports hand wringing.
We might call Shatter's rose tinted delusionalism the modern equivalent of Let Them Eat Cake.
I mean it makes me want to cut his head off.
Although to be fair to Marie Antoinette when she said "let them eat cake" re the starving peasants, she never actually advocated handing her country over to a seventh century death cult itching to do to Europe what it has just done in full technicolour glory to Syria and to every other country on earth with significant Muslim populations.
I'd say Marie Antoinette had a good deal more class, intellect and discernment than Alan Shatter.
And I'd bet anything she was a better poet.
Nor did she advocate allowing the people trafficking IRA, Cosa Nostra, Chinese Triads, and the Russian Mafia to define immigration law.
It took atheistic liberals to do that.
Now let me see.
The Muslims shoot their own countries to pieces and atheistic liberals like Alan Shatter see an instant solution in letting them come here.
I'm not buying.
His poem is not without a certain striking turn of phrase though.
To be more precise, the poem contains a grand total of one rather striking turn of phrase.
The striking turn of phrase is repeated as a refrain between verses.
I caution you, should you seek it out, that most of the poem is without merit.
A pious, fervourless, faux sentimental exercise in ye aforementioned hand wringing.
But that one striking phrase amidst all the hand wringing did catch my eye and made me go: "Well maybe he can write a bit."
The phrase stayed with me all day.
The phrase is "... and still they come."
Tonight on the child pornography station MTV, I heard the phrase again.
It is the refrain in Jeff Lynn's 1970's masterpiece War Of The Worlds.
So Alan Shatter can now add plagiarism to his list of crimes. (Jailing honest whistle blower police officers on trumped up charges, colluding with former Chief of Police Martin Callinan to create legal vexations for Shatter's political opponents, generally p-ssing me off, etc etc.)
Ho hum.
The charity novelty music video version of War Of The Worlds which I am hoping to plagiarise myself from Jeff Lynn and the immortal Shatter would go as follows.

Richard Burton (the narrator):
"No one would have believed in the first years of the 21st century that barbarian Jihadis from Arabia would threaten the entire planet with a seventh century ideology of ritual enslavement. And yet they drew their plans against us..."

Instrumental bit:
"Ner ner ner
Ner ner ner
Niddle ner niddle ner
Ner ner ner
Niddle ner
Niddle ner
Nerdle nerrrr
Nerdle nerrr
Ner ner ner
Ner ner ner
Ner ner
Ner ner
Ner ner "

James Healy (singing):
"The chances of a world wide terror army coming from Arabia,
Are a million to one they said.
Ahhh ahhhhhh
The chances of a hundred million Jihadis coming from Arabia
Are a million to one
But still
They come
-ome -ome -ome"

"Nerdle ner nerdle ner
Ner ner ner
Ner ner
Ner ner ner ner ner"

Sunday, September 06, 2015

storm approaching portofino

black sky plummets into ocean
purple ocean burgeons into sky
shadows flecked with fire flit in motion
round a ragged ship crouched in the bay

an artist on a headland makes a note
to do this into art before he's done
such paintings may change lives or maybe not
or serve the great o'healaithe for a poem

no truth in the rumour

There is absolutely no truth in the rumour that the Irish Trade Union movement will henceforth be known as The Teamsters, in recognition of the decades long subversion of Irish Trade Unions by rackateering people trafficking narco trafficante terrorist IRA mobsters. No hang on. That is true.

today they said

Pope Francis: "I appeal to every town and village in Europe to give a home to just one immigrant family."

James Healy: "We've been doing that Frank. Even the smallest town or village in Ireland has immigrant families living in it. It's worse in the cities. They've triggered a white flight out of Dublin. And nationwide they've established dozens of psychoticised mafias which are terrorising the general populace while dividing Ireland into personal fiefdoms. Irish police admit to 26 international mafias operating here. The real figure is higher. Your intervention on behalf of the IRA's people trafficking division is most surreal. (cf the IRA's associates in Al Qaeda, the Chinese Triads, Cosa Nostra and the Russian mafia.) Thankfully Frank you only issued an appeal. It wasn't a command, was it? By they way Frank, you're not the Pope. The ouster of Pope Benedict was illegal.

Martina Devlin (writing in the Irish Independent): "We must end fortress Europe."

James Healy: "Martina Devlin does not speak for Ireland or for Europe. She speaks for a bankrupt newspaper group owned by a white collar criminal called Denis O'Brien who made his fortune by bribing then government minister Michael Lowry of Fine Gael to give him mobile phone service provision contracts for the Republic of Ireland dirt cheap. Incidentally Fine Gael has just given Denis O'Brien another billion dollars in illicit public funding this year by taking over the collapsed AIB bank which went bust lending money to Denis O'Brien's newspaper group. Once nationalised, AIB cancelled Denis O'Brien's newspaper group's debts. That is to say Fine Gael forced me to pay the gambling debts of white collar billionaire criminal Fine Gael financier Denis O'Brien. Corrupt Fine Gael Prime Minister Enda Kenny must have had a great larf down the boozer about that one."

Bob Geldoff: "Oy'm going to give a home to two immigrant families in moy flat in London."

James Healy: "That's not really a kindness. There's a higher death rate in your f--king flat than there is in Syria."

Frances Fitzgerald (member of Fine Gael, Irish government minister): "The Irish people demand we take in more immigrants."

James Healy: "This is Gotterdamerung for Fine Gael. The twilight of the gods. They know they've finished off their own pissant little abortionist political party. So their thinking is, why not finish off Ireland too. Better to rule in hell than serve in heaven, eh Fine Gael? Of course some of us may demur from linking the fate of our country to the fate of Fine Gael by granting citizenship of Ireland to every Jihadi who demands it. But Frances Fitzgerald says we are demanding the admission of more and yet more immigrants to Ireland, and who are we to argue? Since when have the people had a right to say what their government should do? Since when have the people had a right to say what they really think? About anything?"

Archbishop Diarmuid Martin: "This is the greatest refugee crisis since World War Two."

James Healy: "Well duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-hhhhhh-hhhhhhh! I've missed you Archie. The greatest refugee crisis since World War Two, eh? Well a soviet era infiltrator of the Catholic Church like yourself would be well placed to judge. Hmmm. There are other similarities to World War Two which you might consider. The present influx of Muslim migrants who despise Christianity and detest freedom, the very ones demanding entry to our countries having been trafficked to our borders by various IRA linked mafias, bear a near cosmic similarity in their attitude to us as the atheistic Nazi Germans and your old friends the atheistic Commie Russians who thought their presence in our countries was of right and who came here to rule us without our consent simply by swarming over our borders. But I'm looking forward to you doing a Bob Geldoff on it and offering to put up a few Syrian and Afghan Jihadis in your palace instead of forcing me to live beside them here in Kilcullen. I hope you get some of those gitchee Jihadis, you know, the ones who were dumping Christians off the boat into the Mediterranean last week. I assure you Archie, if it's Christians they're after, you will be quite safe."