The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

My Photo
Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Friday, May 03, 2013

amanda knox meets with her publisher to discuss sales of her How To Murder Your Flatmate book

"Ah good morning Amanda. Sit down. Well the book isn't selling as well as we'd hoped. A sizeable portion of the general public still turn their noses up at you. But it's doing okay. You've gotta play up the innocence angle more, Amanda. Learn to say it like you mean it. If you could just pretend you believe you're innocent yourself or something. People are looking at you knowing full well you slaughtered that girl in order to give yourself an itch in your crotch. Even Barbara Walters at the bankrupt viewerless ABC television network who is an amoral cretin, knows you did it. She knew even as she fawned on you. That's our problem basically. There are still a lot of people out there who unlike Barbara Walters are unwilling to see you profit from your satanic execution of a young girl. Er. What are you doing? Amanda! Hey. What the... What are you doing with that knife? No. Wait. But why me? Why meeeeeeee? I've helped you to profit from your satanic murder of an innocent girl. No Amanda you can't. You mustn't. I never did anything to hurt you. I've helped you to turn murder into a nice little earner. I made you a cup of coffee. Nooooo Amandaaaaa. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease. Mercieeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.  Amandaaaaaaaaaaaaarghhhhhhhhhh."

give me liberty or give me a bacon salad with pork chops on the side and a couple of gugs

Coffee with Uncle Scutch in the Tearman Cafe Kilcullen.
"I don't like the ranting on your blog," quoth he.
"Ranting?" quoth me.
"Well what would you call it?" quoth he.
"I'd call it literary polemic," quoth me.
He left soon after.
I sat a moment alone and disconsolate-ish.
The ghost of Sheena Easton approached and laid a lily hand on my shoulder.
She began singing the theme tune from the James Bond film Octopussy.
(Useless film but the best ever opening sequence, where Rodge is captured by South American communists while trying to blow up a delivery of Soviet jet fighters. A group of leering communist militiamen are leading Rodge away when his sexy accomplice distracts them with a flash of boob, rescues Rodge, and sets him on his way in a mini jet plane that she had concealed in a trailer disguised as a horse. Seriously. Rodge is now flying along free as a bird without a care in the world until the commies loose a heat seeking missile after him. There's some standard theatre business with the heating seeking missile as it whizzes past the canopy of Rodge's plane and Rodge looks pained as it whizzes around again still on his trail. Out of the corner of his eye he spots something on the ground. He spins his mini jet down towards the hanger where the Sov planes he'd lately been trying to destroy are stored. And he flies right through the hangar as the ground crews race to shut the doors. It's brilliant. The stunt is brilliant. The mini jet really flew through the hanger. I'm not saying Rodge really flew it. The unknown stuntman flew it. And the sequence is edited so perfectly. And the whole narrative has an unlikely logic and indeed humour. The heat seeker follows Rodge into the hanger. Rodge side slips the plane through the fast closing exit door at the far end. The whole thing blows. And Sheena Easton sings. Just as she's about to sing to me.)

Back in what passes for the real world down our way, ie the Tearman Kilcullen, Sheena Easton sings apparently a propos my literary polemic:

"Nobody does it better
Makes me feel sad for the rest.
Nobody does it quite as good as you
Oh Heelers, Heelers
Baby darlin
You're the best."

The ghost of Bob Geldoff gets up from an adjoining table, gently takes the mircrophone from Sheena, and contributes his own Free Billions For African Dictators worth.
Bob sings in his inimitable thick tongued mumble:

"Nobody does it better
Though sometimes I wish somebody would
Nobody does it quite the way you do
Oh Heelers Heelers
Noble and mighty Heelers
You're just incredibly bloody good."

You've gotta hand it to Sheena Easton and Bob Geldoff.
Aside from Sheena's oft stated willingness to sleep with Bill Clinton, and Bob's rather naive insistence on extending the life of psycho Islamist African bigot dictatorships by cancelling their bank debts, aside from this I say, clearly they both know a thing or two.

Thursday, May 02, 2013

kenny watch at independent newspapers

The Irish government has just cancelled 200 million dollars worth of debt which the bankrupt anti Catholic Irish newspaper group self styled Independent Newspapers owes to the bankrupt idiot Irish banks which have recently been taken into public ownership by the morally bankrupt Irish Prime Minister Enda Kenny.
So the banks that went bust lending billions to Independent Newspapers are being bailed out by you and me.
And Independent Newspapers won't have to pay back a penny of this lost 200 million dollars.
Yes, Enda Kenny is allowing those banks which supposedly now belong to you and me to cancel 200 hundred million dollars of Independent Newspaper debt.
In other words you and I are keeping Independent Newspapers afloat even if we consider Independent Newspapers to be pond scum.
I would remind you gentle readers, that Independent Newspapers is owned by corrupt media baron Tony O'Reilly along with the politician bribing white collar criminal Denis O'Brien.
Tony O'Reilly's most salient criminality going back forty years, relates to creating worthless oil companies on the Irish stock exchange and finagling the general public, particularly old age pensioners with retirement money, and successive Irish governments with borrowings from Germany, into financing them.
The scam denoues as follows.
The public and the government inevitably lose their investment.
The O'Reilly's meanwhile quietly drain all the cash assets from their rubbish companies through a system of executive salaries and emoluments which means they get paid limitless sums of cash in spite of no oil being found.
Criminality is too kind a word.
They're at it again with something called Providence Resources at the moment.
I myself have inadvertently come into possession of some penny shares in Providence Resources, a situation that came about when the O'Reillys engineered a merger with a company I had already bought shares in.
Nonetheless I recommmend you not to buy.
And I recommend the pisspoor abortionist Fine Gael party not to sign the nation up to financing the O'Reillys latest doomed attempts to pose as oil barons.
Denis O'Brien's criminality and personal fortune relates to his bribing a decade ago of a then Fine Gael government Minister called Michael Lowry in order to corruptly obtain a licence to provide mobile phone services in the Republic of Ireland.
My conclusions about Denis O'Brien have been confirmed by an official Judicial enquiry into his corrupt subversion of Michael Lowry.
Enda Kenny's government is attempting to let the case die through inaction.
They're not going to get away with it.
Lovely lovely people.
Both Tony O'Reilly and Denis O'Brien are financial sponsors of the Fine Gael party which they consider their own personal property.
Both these govenment subverting crooks who are now joint proprietors of the bankrupt Independent Newspapers group and who show real signs of despising each other, both of them I say, have personal fortunes in excess of a billion dollars.
And we're paying their bills.
You and I have been signed up by Fine Gael Prime Minister Enda Kenny to pay their debts for them.
Hilarious no.
By the way, the 200 million dollars which Tony O'Reilly and Denis O'Brien are being let off, is only the thin end of the wedge.
The real figure is astronomicallly higher.
A further five hundred million dollars of Independent Newspapers debt is being rescheduled.
What on earth does rescheduling mean?
I'll tell you.
Rescheduling the further 500 million dollars of Independent Newspapers debt means that this further five hundred million dollars of Independent Newspapers debt will be cancelled next year when the furore about the cancellation of the present 200 million of Independent Newspapers debt dies down.
As for the remaining billion dollars of debt currently concealed by Independent Newspapers creative accounting practices, who knows when Enda Kenny will finally get round to forcing us to pay that.
Maybe in two years time.
Or whenever the mood takes him.
One thing is sure, Enda Kenny is never going to make Tony O'Reilly or Denis O'Brien liable for the ruinous sums of money their company has stolen from Irish banks in the form of unrealistically astronomical borrowings while paying million dollar salaries, bonuses and emoluments to themselves, the O'Reilly and O'Brien families and their useless employees.
I would ask you to note that the Irish Independent newspaper currently prints a photograph of Enda Kenny in every edition.
This practice has continued for the past year.
Some days they print two photos of Enda Kenny in a single edition.
One day last week, they printed five.
Here is the news.
The emperor is naked and there is a grotesque klepocratic multi billion dollar mole on his penis.
You and I are paying for the mole's BMW's.

live link to the barbara walters interview with amanda knox on the abc television network

"Welcome to the show Amanda. Our viewers are waiting to hear you feel about your ordeal. Tell me... er... tell me... Amanda! What are you doing? What are you doing with that knife? No Amanda. No. Why me? I'm helping you to profit from your murder of that girl. I'm helping you to hide in plain sight. I and my television station are effectively paying you for slaughtering Meredith Kercher. We're financing your satanism. Why me Amanda? Why meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee? Amandaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh."

heeler the peeler's fashion tips for the modern girl

A cursed and infernal device spawned in the darkest pit of hell is the bobble hat.

Corollary: The bobble hat has been greatly misunderstood. Mainly by me.