The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Tuesday, May 14, 2019

the trial of god

Bailiff: "Call Richard Dawkins."

(Mr Dawkins takes the stand.)

Bailiff: "Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?"

Dawkins: "Er no."

James Healy (for the defence): "Mr Dawkins what is your assessment of the theory of evolution?"

Dawkins: "The theory of evolution is a proven theory."

James: "Did the astronomer Fred Hoyle (who coined the phrase The Big Bang) state that the odds of life beginning spontaneously by chance are the same odds as for the chance of a tornado hitting a junk yard and assembling a passenger jet?"

Dawkins: "He did say that. But I have refuted him."

James: "Did the Nobel prizewinner Arno Penzias say that everything he is finding out about the universe through observation is exactly what he would have expected to find from a reading of the Bible?"

Dawkins: "Yes, he claimed that."

James: "Did the atheistic scientist George Wald say that since it was philosophically unacceptable to him to believe in God, he would instead insist on believing what he called the impossible, that life began spontaneously by chance?"

Dawkins: "There are disputes as to whether he actually said it or as to what he actually meant by it if he did say it.."

James: "I've no philosophical problem with evolution beyond suspecting it may not be true. My attitude is that God could have created the human race through evolution as readily as any other way. But if evolution is impossible it didn't happen Richard. If it didn't happen, we shouldn't call it a proven theory."

Dawkins: "Evolution is not on trial here."

James: "It should be."

Monday, May 13, 2019

who shot mark steyn

Season premiere...

(At the end of last season's cliff  hanger episode viewers saw Mark Steyn apparantly being shot either shot by Muslim Jihadis, or by his lawyer, or by a former business collaborator called Mark Katz, or by climate change fictioneer Michael Mann who claims Steyn has libelled him, or by some unknown blogger he keeps plagiarising but whose name he can't remember.)

Theme tune: Ner ner ner, nerdle ner ner.

Camera tracking shot on sumptuous bedroom. There is an adjacent shower. A rather attractive woman by any standards emerges from the shower and covers herself with a towel. There is a man in the room.

Pamela Ewing: (Reacting to the man's presence) "You! But it can't be."

Mark Steyn: "But it is."

Pamela: "How is that possible?"

Mark Steyn: "The whole last season of the Heelers Diaries was a dream."

Pamela: "You mean?"

Mark Steyn: "Yes. I'm still alive and I'm still plagiarising him."

Pamela: "Oh Bobby."

Mark Steyn: "Mark."

Pamela: "Right. Who am I again?."