The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Saturday, November 07, 2009

the cloak

mid the grey desolation
of a rainswept dublin street
colour tore my vision
from dreariness and fret
a cloak of ebon silk
lay crumpled in the mud
meshed with silver hues
and ochre tainted gold
a spiders web of threads
sent blood among the sheen
woven so by fingers
with a knowledge that is gone
and knowing came upon me
in a drum roll of heart beats
the lost cloak of poetry
the mantle of john keats
and hunger came upon me
i snatched at it in greed
but it fluttered and it melted
into concrete into clay

Friday, November 06, 2009

rivers of blood

Update on The Muslim Attack On Fort Hood.
As news of yesterday's attack unfolded, media group CNN immediately began pushing the utterly false story that perhaps the killer was a soldier who had served in Iraq and had been under stress due to war weariness and post traumatic stress disorder.
It is difficult to speak in my customarily measured tones about CNN's motivations for launching such a canard so early in the massacre.
CNN avoided the mention of Muslims and Al Qaeda throughout its reportage even when the name of the murderer was known.
CNN has also avoided taking responsibility for planting the egregiously false story about post traumatic stress syndrome.
The murderer didn't have it.
Because the murderer never served overseas in a battle zone.
Funny eh?
It's funny enough to make you weep.
A day later, the Irish Times has also managed to report the whole massacre without once mentioning Muslims, Al Qaeda, Islam or terrorism.
A new high point in journalistic obscenity.
Well done CNN.
Well done Irish Times.
No doubt when the world is under the jackboot of Sharia Law, your hero Osama Bin Laden will present you with the prestigious Order Of The Golden Suicide Vest.
For services rendered to inhumanity.
Fox News meanwhile were disseminating false statements put out by the murderer's family, clearly designed to give him a cover.
That's Fox.
The supposedly conservative network.
Difficult to resist a scoop, eh Fox?
But not such a scoop really.
Allowing the murderer's Muslim family to run pass defence for him on the night of his murders.
Not a scoop at all.
And that's Fox.
The pseudo right wing network owned by Rupert Murdoch who also owns Sky the appeaserish pseudo left wing network.
I guess whatever happens in the war against Muslim terror armies, old Rupert is going to come out in front.
Show me the way to the vomitorium.
For a true insight into what was going on at Fort Hood, it was necessary to go to our enemies, Russia Today the anti American television station run for and on behalf of Russian President Vladimir Putin.
Russia Today stated simply: "The highest likelihood is that this is an Islamic terrorist attack. For some time now Al Qaeda cells in the United States have been seeking ways to attack American military bases. In recent months the Americans have disrupted and captured several Al Qaeda cells which were at advanced stages of preparation for such attacks."
This was on Russia Today.
The truth.
I didn't see that one coming.
Everybody else lying, or deliberately concealing the truth which is worse than lying.
And then along come the Russians.
The only ones with the bawls to tell us the truth.
Yes, Russia Today deigned to tell us where it's at.
More details about the murders at Fort Hood flooded in.
The FBI released a deliberately misleading preliminary statement suggesting that the murders were not a terrorist attack.
The FBI did not inspire confidence with this outdated politically correct nonsense.
In fact the FBI under President Obama has reverted almost entirely to the pre Nine Eleven Clinton Culture that gets our people killed.
They don't ask and they don't tell.
That is to say, they don't ask if the killers are Jihadis and they don't tell us if they are.
Very groovy of them.
No terrorism here.
Move along folks.
The story developed quickly.
The murderer's name was revealed.
Hassan Malik.
Now there's a name to conjure with.
This cheap little Muslim Al Qaeda coward had been permitted to serve in the American army as a psychiatric doctor with the rank of Major.
No doubt some groovy recruitment officer failed to ask him if he was a Muslim terrorist with a murder fetish when he joined up.
This coward Muslim infiltrator and his family and relatives and friends had been permitted to remain in the army and in the United States in spite of his reputation as a supporter of our enemies in the War On Terror.
It emerged that he was known to have openly condemned America on the military base where he was employed.
It emerged that he had made no secret of his detestation of President Bush nor of his opposition to the American missions against Islamic terror in Afghanistan and Iraq.
And he was let stay in the army and in the country.
Bloody hell.
This is craziness.
And now this coward Muslim Al Qaeda murderer has done what we all knew he would. He has murdered a bunch of soldiers in cold blood.
The initial reports that the murderer himself was dead, were false.
He is in custody.
No doubt his lawyers are already on the way.
The initial death toll was also understated.
It now stands at thirteen.
President Obama came on television to tell us how horrified he was by the violence of the attack.
Barack Obama.
Specialist subject: The bleedin obvious.
Lotsa blood.
Lots of our blood.
As mentioned previously Hassan Malik's relatives also came on television.
Lying blithely with lustful Islamic abandon.
As the CNN theory about war fatigue collapsed, yet another crassly false theory, intended to exonerate the murderer, now hove into view.
The family of Muslim Al Qaeda agent Hassan Malik claimed live on air that Hassan Malik had been subjected to bullying in the army.
There made suggestions that he'd been inappropriately denied promotions.
They moved awful quick.
The family of Hassan Malik.
The bodies weren't yet cold and Hassan Malik's family were already accusing the victims of bullying.
Muslims really have mastered the art of victim culture to a wondrously high degree.
Poor little Muslim Major Hassan Malik.
Did the evil American soldiers upset diddums?
So the Muslim family of the Al Qaeda assassin at Fort Hood were already playing the victims on national television on the night of the murders.
They were fully confident that the would not be arrested, executed or expelled.
It really is time we shook their confidence on these matters.
If Hitler had been given the same freedoms we accord Muslim Al Qaeda members, when he tried to take over the world, he would have taken over the world
If Hitler's sleeper agents had been permitted to join the American army, murder American soldiers, and then have their relatives parade on national television accusing the American army of bullying, he would have taken over the world.
If Hitler had been facilitated in his operations by CNN, Time Magazine, Newsweek, the Washington Post, the New York Times, the British media, the French media, and even the provincial little Irish Times, if he'd had the sort of aid these clowns give Al Qaeda, Hitler would indeed have taken over the world.
It was not to be.
Hitler lived in different times.
Hitler's sleeper agents never managed to kill any American soldiers.
Hitler's sleeper agents were all rounded up and detained for the duration of World War Two.
Along with any Japanese and German nationals even remotely suspected of harbouring pro Nazi views.
No one obsessed too much about discerning which Germans were Nazis and which were not.
There was zero tolerance for Nazis going on television to condemn our soldiers.
Today's Al Qaeda Muslims unfortunately find themselves with a surfeit of freedoms, civil rights and legal protections when they come here to murder us.
They will continue to take advantage of the favourable reporting of CNN, the manifold treacheries of liberal Judges and liberal Defence Lawyers and liberal Michael Mansfield QC's, the whole hearted Lord Haw Haw style assistance rendered by the likes of Robert Fisk, Noam Chomsky, John Pilger, Michael Moore et al, and the generalised incompetence of President Barack Obama.
And Hassan Malik, murderer of thirteen soldiers, can look forward to years of frivolous legalistic game playing in the court system because President Obama in his warm hearted humanity has closed Guantanamo Bay.
Nor need the Al Qaeda loving Hassan Malik family and their fellow sleeper agents ever fear arrest or deportation or execution.
They're on easy street.
They know their rights.
It's. Time. To. Put. A. Stop. To. This.

Thursday, November 05, 2009

the muslim attack on fort hood

News coming in.
It's just happened.
The media reports aren't mentioning Muslims.
My instincts are that this is another Muslim attack on America and the world.
Eleven dead.
At least thirty wounded.
One Al Qaeda Muslim murderer is also dead.
Two Al Qaeda Muslim murderers are in custody.
The media are dancing around the corpses.
Dancing around the truth.
Nobody is mentioning Muslims.
But I'm saying it was Muslim.
We'll know soon enough.
One thing is sure.
The captured Al Qaeda agents won't have to worry about being water boarded for information under the humane Presidency of Barack Hussein Obama.
The captured Al Qaeda murderers won't have to worry about any extraordinary renditions out of the United States.
The captured Al Qaeda psycho terror killers won't have to worry about being sent to the one prison showboating terrorists don't like going to, namely Guantanamo Bay.
Thank you Barack Hussein Obama.
Thank you liberal Judges of America and Europe.
Well bloody done.
Very bloody indeed.
As I write this the American House of Representatives is getting ready for a moment's silence in honour of the dead.
They should hang their heads in shame.
The American House of Representatives should be ashamed for failing to back former President George Bush to the hilt in the Wars in Afghanistan and Iraq.
The American House of Representatives should be ashamed for permitting President Barack Hussein Obama to close Guantanamo Bay, retreat in Iraq, and delay the deployment of troops to Afghanistan.
The American House of Representatives should be ashamed for forcing American soldiers to accept Muslim Al Qaeda infiltrators in the ranks and among their officers.
And anyone in the Judiciary or political or journalistic spheres in America and Europe, anyone at all who has attempted to help Al Qaeda over the past eight years by sneering at President Bush's attempts to protect us, well, you should be most ashamed of all.
The blood of heroes is on your hands.

the nephilim

Lying in bed on the edge of sleep.
A four year old nephew enters the room.
He is bouncing a balloon.
Occasionally he tries to balance it on his nose.
Tiring of this activity, he busies himself rooting through some of my books for a few moments.
"Do you know Ben Foster?" he asks eventually.
"I don't think so."
"You don't know Ben Foster!"
"Is he one of the kids from your school?"
"He's Manchester United's goalie."
"And sometimes the Manchester United goalie is Van Der Schar."
"And sometimes he's Kuschak."
"Ah right."
"But usually he's Ben Foster."
"I didn't know that."
He asks whether I've ever had nightmares.
I tell him I have.
He says he doesn't like sleeping because of nightmares.
I say: "Well it's kind of fun when you overcome the nightmares and start having great dreams. Then sleep is really great."
He picks up a book.
"What's this called?"
I glance owlishly from under the blankets.
"It's called English Diaries Of The Sixteenth, Seventeenth And Eighteenth Century. It's a very old book. Very precious."
The book makes a gentle thud as he tosses it on the carpet.
"Have you ever been to the dentist?" he asks.
"Yes," I tell him.
"I don't like going to the dentist," he elaborates.
"I understand that," I say honestly.
The nephew disappears from view for a while.
Presently something thumps my toes.
"Are those your toes?"
"Yesss, they are."
"Does this hurt?"
Another thump.
"Not really."
"Why doesn't it hurt?"
"Because the blankets are protecting me."
He lifts the blankets and tries again.
"Did that hurt?"
"Mmm, that one hurt a bit alright. We don't need to do that again."
There comes the odd sound of a crowd cheering.
Dimly I realise he's found a worthless and supremely irritating novelty desktop plastic punchbag that my Yogic sister Marie gave me for Christmas one year.
It makes cheering sounds when you punch it.
Like at a boxing match.
Oh Lordy.
The cheering sounds go on for some time.
"Why are you in bed?"
"Ah, er, okay, because I'm meeting someone later today and even though I like sleep, I didn't sleep much last night, so I want to be wide awake for the person I'm meeting later and I'm sleeping now."
"Who is she?"
The nephew busies himself placing jumpers of mine on top of Paddy Pup who is reclining beside the bed.
"He'll be warm now."
"He will."
"Who are those people in the photograph?"
"They are me and my brothers."
"Which is which?"
"Try and guess."
He studies the photograph.
"That one is you."
"How did you know?"
"Because you still have the same jumper."
He really said this.
The photo is of me and my brothers in 1978.
"Who are the others?"
"They're your Uncle Peter and your Uncle Bernard."
"How did you really know which one was me?"
"Because of the hair."
"No, how did you really know?"
"Because of your spots."
"Those are freckles."
"Freggles, ha, ha, ha."
"Okay we don't need to laugh at Uncle James' freggles, I mean freckles."
He turned away and heaped a few more jumpers onto Paddy Pup.
Soon the dog was fully obscured.
The nephew looked around for fresh diversions.
There wasn't much else left to do.
Presently he launched himself onto to the bed and did a bit of bouncing.
"Be careful there."
"I will."
"Try not to hurt any uncles who may be sleeping in the bed at present."
Bounce, bounce, bounce.
He stopped and sat on the bed covers.
"Do you know how to count up to a hundred?" he demanded.
"Maybe. On a good day."
"I know how."
"Do you?"
"That's amazing."
"Do you want to hear me?"
"Er, ehm, ah, no thanks."
"One two three four five six seven eight nine ten..."
He went all the way to a hundred.
Then he stopped.
He said: "I'll let you have a little rest."
He went to the door.
I had my eyes shut.
I heard him say very softly: "You are still my uncle."

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

coo blimey

Doves in the garden at the chateau.


a feasting hall of the dead
the place is thronged
with anonymous provincial poets
the walls ring with their songs
and far down sit the few
who won great fame whilest yet alive
and in this place
where triumph and pretension are ripped bear
and fame and fancy torn to dust
yeats and shakespeare dog the heels
of one such
Ciaran Smith
pleading for his favour
vying for his attention
he in turn
is kind to them

watching the defectives

The Irish Times published a supplementary magazine this week groovily titled Our World In The Classroom.
Strictly speaking the Irish Times didn't publish it.
Strictly speaking I did.
Because the Irish Times doesn't have the cash to publish diddlysquat having just lost a hundred million dollars over the past year, and looking set fair to lose a hundred and a half million more this year.
The Irish Times only obtained funding for today's white elephant of a magazine through the largesse of the Irish government's Department Of Foreign Affairs.
Since the Department Of Foreign Affairs has no money of its own, it uses government money borrowed against me when it wants to get into newspaper publishing.
Yes, the Department Of Finanace is now giving money to the Irish Times, which it has borrowed against me and the citizens of Ireland.
We're all, without consultation and against our will, helping finance the child propaganda wing of the Irish Times.
So let's put it this way.
The Irish Times published this groovy, nay cretinous, pseudo environmentalist hodge podge with my money.
You know folks, something has got to give.
These people are starting to annoy me.
The magazine was a joyless gloop of vague liberal platitudes, spiced with Green Party niceties and fake human rights activism.
All geared towards children.
All geared towards turning little children into good socialist drones who will never have an original opinion or insightful thought over the course of their entire lives.
The whole amounted to a staggeringly banal publication.
One page featured a list of Millennium Development Goals.
These were all groovy internationalist aspirational nonsense about controlling the weather, abolishing poverty, and surprise surprise, creating a global partnership.
At no point do the Millennium Goals mention the necessity of ending regimes such as Robert Mugabe's dictatorship in Zimbabwe, the Islamist murderocracy in Sudan, the permanent civil war waging Marxian government of Jose Maria Dos Santos in Angola, the psycho killer commie rulers of Congo, Libya, Iran, Venezuela, Cuba, Burmah, Laos, or any where else.
The Irish Department Of Foreign Affairs, the Irish Times and the United Nations are going to abolish poverty without abolishing psychotic murderous Islamist Marxian dictatorship.
Hilarious no?
The Irish Department Of Foreign Affairs, the Irish Times, and the United Nations are going to empower women without ever confronting the Saudi Arabian government whose religious police beat fifteen women with whips back into a blazing building from which they'd fled, beat em back so that they were all burnt alive, and did it for the simple Islamic reason that the girls had fled the fire without putting on their veils.
The Irish Department Of Foreign Affairs, the Irish Times and the United Nations are going to achieve universal child education without ever destroying Al Qaeda and the Taliban who execute children, throw acid in the eyes of little girls, and hack the heads off school teachers for the crime of going to school.
Let's face it gentle travellers of the internet.
The Irish Department Of Foreign Affairs, the Irish Times, and the United Nations are never going to help anyone.
There will be no poverty abolished on their watch.
There will be no rights established for women and children because of their advocacy.
There will be no achievements whatsoever to rank against their names.
The only ones they will help are themselves.
And maybe the occasional Muslim terror army.
Aside from that, the oppressed peoples of the planet earth are on their own.
The only hope for any of the children, women, men, governments and countries I've mentioned, was the Americans under President George Bush.
And the Irish Department Of Foreign Affairs, the Irish Times, and the United Nations failed to back them.
It's a rum world indeed.
The Irish Department Of Foreign Affairs, the Irish Times and the United Nations never for a moment suspect that the cause of poverty in the third world is the fifty years of institutionalised murder that third world citizens have had to endure at the hands of their own communist and Islamist rulers.
There is no excuse for this.
There is no excuse for not seeing it.
This is the bleedin obvious.
How many millions more people have to bleed to death right in front of us before we take policy making away from liberal atheistic socialist environmentalist twits and recognise the reality that murderous dictatorships are inevitably impoverished simply because they impoverish themselves by murdering their own citizens.
Is there anyone in the Irish Times with even a smidgen of conscience?
Let alone intellect.
For even the basest intellect must suspect by now that the reason Africa is poor is its plethora of permanent warlord rulers.
Ditto Burmah.
Ditto Laos.
Ditto Cuba.
Ditto them all.
Here is the news.
Never in the history of humanity has the policy of throwing free money at murderers resulted in either a drop in the murder rate or an improvement in economic conditions.
Nor has the policy of giving my money to newspapers with no readership ever resulted in the creation of a vibrant sustainable media industry.
Nor has the policy of giving dictatorial powers to Green Party idiots ever resulted in a genuine ability to control the weather.
Nuff said.

the monica leech laugh in

The expected vision of Monica Leech did not take place tonight due to lack of interest.

vultures circling at the circle k

John Fry Chief Executive Officer of the Johnston Press was brooding in his office.
A lacky entered with a gup of tea.
"Here's a cup of tea Guv," said the lacky ingratiatingly.
Lackies at the Johnston Press always try to be ingratiating with the Chief Executive du jour.
They wrongly believe it might save their jobs.
The lacky set the tea down on the table.
Suddenly Fry exploded.
Months of pent up frustration came out in a rush.
"He can't be stopped," he cried. "We bug his phones. We leave salacious remarks on his blog. We ask Richard Branson to sue him. He just keeps coming. Who is he?"
"He's like aff terminator Guv," murmured the lacky ingratiatingly.
John Fry favoured him with a look.
It wasn't pleasant.
"Aff terminator," stuttered the lacky nervously and still ingratiatingly. "You know aff terminator from aff Terminator movie."
John Fry's features contorted into a more contorted version of themselves than normal.
"Cor blimey," he roared with feeling. "Cor strike a light blimey."

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

miscellaneous extraneous aneous

Interesting article in the low rent Irish edition of the low rent British tabloid Daily lowrent Mirror (real beneficial owner once thought to be Mr Tony O'Reilly esq). The article, on page 14, concerned a Dublin gospel choir who style themselves The Dublin Gospel Choir. There was a lovely photograph of the group looking bright and breezy. They are about to release an album entitled Doing Their Thing. The launch is at a Dublin venue called Tripod this weekend. Yes interesting article indeed. Some of the tabloids are starting to adopt an occasionally Christian pose as they draw near to complete collapse in the market place. It's their last throw of the dice. On page 38 of the same edition of the low rent Daily Mirror, you find a truer reflection of the low rent ethos of the low rent Daily Mirror. Page 38 features the low rent contact numbers and low rent sleaze photographs advertising the low rent phone sex lines which the low rent Daily Mirror profits from as part of its desperate attempts to stave off extinction. Perhaps The Dublin Gospel Choir would care to ask itself whether appearing in a newspaper that exploits women and men through the dissemination of phone sex lines, is really compatible with the Gospel, Christianity or even being in a choir. Goodbye Daily Mirror. Goodbye. I never really had a chance to get to know you. When you reach hell give my regards to the Johnston Press. Goodbye.

The Irish tax payer will once more bail out a psychotically murderous employee of the health service whose mistreatment of a pregnant woman at Kilkenny hospital caused that woman's daughter to be born brain damaged. The health service, the nurses trade union, and the psycho's lawyers devised a legalistic defence for the psycho's vile attempts to torture, damange and violate both the pregnant woman and the pregnant woman's unborn child. The psycho is a mid wife at the hospital. The specially devised legalistic defence, contrived by the lawyers, the union and the health board, purely to keep that psycho in her job, that is in a position to commit ever yet more inhuman crimes whilst hiding in plain view, was that the psycho wasn't qualified to read the monitors attached to the mother and therefore didn't know she was slowly destroying the baby when she sneeringly refused the mother's pleas in extremis for treatment. The psycho also deliberately attempted to put the mother in fear and jeopardy but that's another story. The child's life was saved when a doctor entered the room by chance and glanced at the monitor which showed the baby was being executed. The psycho still works at the hospital in Kilkenny. The Irish tax payer is bailing out the pyscho to the tune of millions of dollars which were awarded in an Irish court to the mother of the little girl.

The French government has moved to stave off collapse at several readerless French newspapers with a billion dollar gift of free money. That is to say with money taken from the public coffers. (French people coff so much because they all smoke.) The bail out includes flagship readerless cultural icons such as Le Monde and Le Figaro. Meanwhile in America several similarly readerless cultural icons, ie newspapers, are seeking similar billion dollar largesse from President Obama. The loss making readerless New York Times and the loss making readerless Washington Compost think they're entitled to the same tranche of tax payer's cash that Barack gave the car companies and the banks. I'd say their chances are pretty good. Brer Jimmy Carter never forgets his friends. And in Merrie England our old friends the Johnston Press are part of yet another consortium of losers (Heelers means newspapers - Ed note) who've made representations to Prime Minister Gordon Brown seeking, surprise surprise, free cash and plenty of it. The problem with indebting the general public to save businesses that have no customers is that eventually you're throwing so much money at the failures that money itself becomes worthless. My counsel to Gordon Brown is that the Johnston Press is not worth collapsing the currency of Great Britain for. Well that's my two cents worth. I mean my 150 billion dollars worth. I wonder will Tony O'Reilly's anti Catholic crew at Independent Newspapers, and those heroic Bolshevick Islamists at the Irish Times be tempted seek their own pound of billions from Ireland's corrupt kleptocratic Fianna Fail government. I think perhaps they might.


Allanis Morisette singing The Star Spangled Banner this evening at a baseball stadium in Philadelphia. Her performance is ragged and beautiful. Around her stands an honour guard of lantern jawed marines and stone faced New York cops. The Americans still have some sense of nation. They are all that stands between the world now and dark Islamic night.

Good to see Dublin's Muslim crime gang terror franchisees the Black Jackets out and about on Grafton Street during the Halloween holidays. Some of them appear to have figured out how to use cameras and are to be seen taking pictures of Irish people on a daily basis. I wonder why they're doing that. Those of you who wish to meet the Black Jackets may gain personal experience of them at the Kylemore Foodlife Cafe in the Stephens Green Centre where one of their members is manager and more are waiters, and in the Stephens Green Centre itself, where several of their members have jobs in security, at the Westbury hotel and in Bewleys cafe where Black Jacket waiters will tend to your every terror and whose former employee Mr Amrahsser was the very first Black Jacket to set his little gang on me way back in 2001/2002, and at the Ilac Centre on Henry Street where another Black Jacket member is on the security staff, (the Ilac Centre Black Jacket is known as Smokey The Muslim because his particular joy in life is to follow Ilac Centre customers down to the public toilets and trigger the smoke alarm while they're in the cubicles, he does this at least once a day, and management really should know about it as I hear business has not been too good at the Ilac Centre of late) and in the many city centre streets where Black Jackets pretend to be sign holders for businesses like The Farm restaurant, and Timberland clothing. The job of sign holder gives them a cover for loitering in the streets while carrying out their real nefarious businesses of monitoring, harassment, intimidation, distribution and dealing. Who controls the streets controls the world, as another famous Muslim Adolf Hitler once said.

United Nations staffers overturned the recent Afghan elections even though those elections had convincingly returned Hamid Karzai to the Presidency of Afghanistan. The United Nations staffers insisted the elections were invalid solely because anti American elements among the United Nations staffers wanted to discredit the American liberation of Afghanistan. The United Nations staffers wished to sabotage Afghan democracy by handing Al Qaeda and the The Taliban this propaganda coup. The runner up candidate Abdullah Abdullah knew from the beginning that he didn't have the numbers required to win. But he was unable to resist the short term ego trip of claiming the elections were flawed after he lost. Now he has withdrawn from the United Nations staffers' personally brokered rerun. Seriously though, they're doing a brilliant job.

British Home Secretary Jack Straw on a television panel show claimed that public concerns about Muslim immigration were merely a modern reflection of fascistic phobias about something Straw called "the other." Nice trendy 1960's style analysis there Jack. Doesn't quite cover the mess we're in though, does it. Here's why I want Muslim immigration stopped and reversed. Since Nine Eleven, Muslims have blown up trains and buses in London, torched French cities, murdered a putative Dutch Prime Minister, murdered a Dutch film director, stabbed the mayor of Paris in an attempt to murder him, tortured and murdered Jewish people in France, blown up trains in Madrid, attempted to poison the water supply in Rome, beaten a teenager to death with baseball bats on Grafton Street in Dublin, murdered hundreds of school children in Beslan Russia, murdered theatre goers in Moscow, downed Russian airliners, murdered Chinese police officers in Xinjiang, murdered hundreds of Chinese civilians in Xinjiang, attacked Chinese people with syringes in Xinjiang, fought two separate sneak wars against Israel in 2006 using the Hamas and Hezbollah Iranian proxy armies, continued to attempt to destroy the State of Israel and the Jewish people by any means possible, blew up trains in India, attacked the Indian parliament killing 14 people, murdered 187 people in Bombay during a terror attack, murdered the British man who had accepted the position of coach to the Pakistan cricket team a murder which took place ostensibly because of Pakistan's defeat in the Cricket World Cup in a match against Ireland which I'm sorry to say was fixed, (yes I'm asserting the murder was carried out by the Pakistan cricket player who giggled like a school girl when asked whether he had strangled that particular human being and I'm also postulating that the Scotland Yard Investigation found nothing because it didn't want to find anything because the Scotland Yard investigators were Muslims), murdered Pakistani politician Benazir Bhutto so as to deny the Pakistani people their choice of her as Prime Minister, murdered thousands of other people in Pakistan, blinded school girls with acid in Afghanistan, murdered school girls in Afghanistan for the crime of going to school, murdered teachers in Afghanistan for teaching in schoools, murdered thousands of people in Afghanistan for no reason at all, murdered and displaced thousands of people in Thailand as part of a secessionist war, murdered and displaced thousands of people in the Philippines as part of a secessionist war, seceded Kosovo from Serbia as part of a secessionist war, imposed murder and terror in country's they already rule across Africa, Arabia and the Middle East, beat fifteen school girls fleeing a fire back into the flames at their school in Saudi Arabia because the girls fled the fire without putting on their veils, shouted at British troops in the streets of the United Kingdom "Anglian soldiers go to hell," murdered dozens of people around the world because a Danish newspaper published cartoons featuring a representation of their prophet, plotted to assassinate the Canadian Prime Minister and sundry members of parliament, murdered untold numbers of Muslim women and girls for daring to have boyfriends or wear dresses or just be normal girls, drowned seven Muslim women in one particular Canadian town in the space of a month, attempted to criminalise the writer Mark Steyn with a fraudulent human rights case when Mark Steyn reported the statement of a Muslim Imam that Muslims would take over Europe by breeding like mosquitos, murdered Australians by bombing night clubs in Bali, torched forests in Australia, continued their manifold attempts to down aeroplanes using laser beams directed from the ground into cockpits hoping to blind the pilots coming into land, continued their manifold attempts to sow panic on commerical airlines by posing as passengers and shouting loudly in Arabic just before take off, harassed and intimidated Irish people on the streets of Dublin and other Irish towns, imposed psychoticised Islamist civil war on much of Africa, and finally, yes finally, have continued to devise plan after plan to commit mass murder in every country of the planet earth with the perverse intent of imposing a lunatic morally bereft 7th century Islamic dictatorship on all humanity. Jack you think it's fascistic to be afraid of the other? Frankly Jack I'm f---ing terrified. Hoo boy. Jack Straw you are a trendy fellow. Tremendously concerned about the environment apparently. It was so touching when you apologised to that Afro Carribean woman for calling her Afro Carribean when she preferred the incorrect term African Carribean. Trendy indeed Jack. Why you're positively groovy. But do you really think trendy and groovy is what we need at the moment? You have hung around too long for any good you have been doing. In the name of God, please go.

My assessment of self styled clairvoyant Dubliner Joe Coleman and his claims to be receiving visions of the mother of God is negative. My assessment of all Mr Coleman's claims is that he is lying. My assessment of broadcaster Joe Duffy's interview with Mr Coleman on RTE radio is that the interview was so soft and unintrusive simply because broadcaster Joe Duffy has a prior acquaintanceship with the confidence trickster fake visionary Joe Coleman whose childhood family home was beside broadcaster Joe Duffy's childhood family home. My assessment of the motivation of Irish newspapers and the RTE national broadcasting service in publishing Mr Coleman's prior announcements of the dates for his fake apparitions and their location at a Catholic shrine, is that the media are fully aware Mr Coleman is a liar and wish to create as much public attention for him as possible with a view to discrediting the whole notion of visions generally and with an even more explicit view towards creating maximum disruption and vexation within the Catholic church in particular. I hereby submit my assessments for public consideration.

The Monica Leech Laugh In has been cancelled today due to lack of interest. I expect to have a vision of Monica Leech tomorrow night around 3am when I am writing The Heelers Diaries. This does not imply I am having an affair with Monica Leech or that I have any real acquaintanceship with Monica Leech whatsoever, or indeed that I really will have a vision of any Monica Leech who happens to exist in the real world, particularly if such a vision could be deemed justification for Eamon DeValera's grandson Judge Liberal instructing me to pay any such Monica Leech 1.87 million quid.

Monday, November 02, 2009

driving miss lily

Driving along the twisty road between Kilcullen and Newbridge.
The Mammy is sitting in the passenger seat with a look of suffering on her face.
I am singing.
I sing thusly:
"Amarti m'affatica
Mi svuota dentro
Qualcosa che assomiglia
A ridere nel pianto."
Esmerelda my car growls accompaniment as we sweep through the hamlet of Athgarvan.

I'm still singing.
There is a sound of screeching breaks as I realise at the last minute I'm about to go through a red traffic light.
We halt barely on the right side of legality and immortality.
The Mammy looks at me furiously.
"James," she cries with continental passion. "Will you stop singing about that f---ing Italian. I really got a fright there. My whole life flashed before my eyes. Come on. Say a decade of the rosary to calm me down. Name of the father and of the son and of the holy spirit..."

from the heelers emails

----- Original Message -----
Dear James.
Please take a look at my continuing work in Mexico, recently transferred from Chiapas to Oaxaca. Please scroll down below the pictures to get the information you need to help. We are hoping to get items in time to take to the Mixe village in the mountains by Christmas. The link below will also provide links to the exact materials we need.

You can send donations to:

Lorena Cassady
c/o Guillermo Merino
Calvario 301
Oaxaca 68080

Many thanks,

Heelers Note: This is from my most improbable correspondent. Authoress, teacher, photographer, left wing activist Lorena Cassidy. Our literary friendship faltered because of my gentle attempts to secure the defeat of Mr Barack Hussein Obama in the American Presidential elections. All I can say folks, is if you choose to help her, the money will be going where it's needed. This is one charity that doesn't spend its donations and receipts on big cars for the Chief Executive.

a russkie in dublin


By Irina Kuksova

I'm trying to organize a wedding dinner in Italy for an Irish friend. I'm paying the price for showing off and mentioning that I speak Italian and I am well familiar with local traditions. Since that unfortunate move I've been Googling 'ristoranti' and digging up exquisite menus from the Internet jungle. Finally, I found that perfect venue and that perfect menu. Trembling with excitement, I dart to my friend… Only to discover how wrong the whole dinner is.

Firstly, neither tea nor coffee for the 'aperitivo'. Just some lousy champagne and fruit cocktails. What will guests think! I mark that and sigh at a thought of people drinking hot tea when the temperature is at merciless  +35 C.

Secondly, the main course only has zucchini as a side dish. Where are carrots? Potatoes? Some people won't even know what zucchini look like and will think it's a cucumber – and still won't eat it! Shrimps in champagne? It's a bloody joke.

Lastly, I was given a quote of 5 euro per head to have a "free bar" (the newlyweds make a serious deposit in advance so that their guests don't have to pay for any of their drinks for the whole night). "Do those people know who they are dealing with?" says my friend. By the look in her eyes I can tell – NO, they have no idea. The restaurant will go bankrupt after this wedding.

I'm still slaving away trying to 'Irishize' this wedding party in Italy. I rationalize that it is a great training in international communications. But a traitor thought springs up now and then – why don't I just bring them to an Irish pub?

Sunday, November 01, 2009

happy halloween from heelers and company

From the archives...
Original artwork by Medbh Gillard shows James Healy working late at the Leinster Leader on Halloween, circa 2002.
Left to right grouped around Heelers: OB1 Joanie Walshe, Managing Director Ian Stewart, Editor Mick Sneeran, the tame trade unionist Baldie Meara, OB2 Sylvia Pownall.
Note: OB1 and OB2 = Office Bitch One and Office Bitch Two.