The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Saturday, August 05, 2017

my favourite jews

There's a girl called Rachel who comes into the Starbucks at Wellesley Square in Boston.
Sort of demure. She wears a kerchief in her hair.
She has a certain way with her.
I'd love to show her my yarmulke.
Oy vey.
And indeed hubba hubba.
(Isn't that just a teensy weensy bit racist? - Ed note)
(It's not racist if I like them. - Heelers note)
(Hey - Seinfeld note)

the truth about men and women

A media campaign masquerading as reportage, is underway in Ireland at the moment, promoting the feminist conflict theory notion that women in the national television broadcaster RTE, are less well paid than men as part of a deliberate discriminatory policy against their gender.
So it is the dog days of August and our fair land's bankrupt newspaper groups with their usual unerring instinct for truth, ie they're reliably wrong about everything, are once more trying to drive the peasantry out of their tiny cotton picking minds with endless contrived stories about male patriarchies deliberating underpaying the wimmen.
You should keep in mind that this is a peasantry only barely sane to begin with.
Similar assertions vis a vis male patriarchies are being made about women's pay scales at the BBC in Britain.
The implication is that some arcane international cultural plot is behind an organised policy of misogynistic pay discrimination.
Mr Kevin Myers a contributor to the British based Sunday Times newspaper (owned by Rupert Murdock) has suggested that factors other than discrimination explain the apparent disparities in comparative male female remunerations.
Any of us who have worked in a Western European or American workplace in the last thirty years know that male female pay scales are the same. Such differences as exist occur mainly through statistical anomalies.
For his efforts to broach this subject Mr Myers has been fired from the Sunday Times.
The excuse for firing him was some reference he made in his article to the Jewishness of two BBC presenters which has led to his bosses accusing him of anti Semitism.
Mr Myers in noting the cultural ethnicity of Claudia Winkelman and Vanessa Feltz had added that Jews are not known to undersell their wares.
I don't think his reference was anti Semitic. It was worse. It was unfunny. But hardly a reason to fire him. The reference to the Jewishness of Claudia Winkleman and Vanessa Feltz was a Myers attempt at avant garde roguishness. Sometimes he carries it off. Sometimes it falls flat. I would assert that on the day in question, it was merely a pretext to fire him.
Mr Myers real crime was to question the pieties of modern conflict theory feminism.
Ho hum.
I would counsel Rupert Murdock that firing people in this way is a very unattractive thing to do.
The public won't like it.
And I think his newspaper will suffer for it.
If Mr Murdock really cares about all those newspapers he and his family own, he might like to think about public attitudes to robber barons firing people on a whim.
Truth be told, I'm not that sure that the Murdock family really are all that good at running newspapers and television stations. They're very good at borrowing money from banks to buy newspapers and television stations. That I'll admit. And the banks seem terrified to stop lending to them in case the whole edifice of the Murdock Corporation comes crashing down in a welter of frivolous staff firings and tasteless amoral content. So the banks keep giving them money. You know the old gag. If I owe the bank five thousand quid (and I do) that is a problem for me. If I owe the bank fifty billion quid (as Rupert does) that is a problem for the bank.
But is there any Murdock owned newspaper or television station on the planet earth with a sound business model, I mean an ongoing relationship with customers?
Are any Murdock businesses generating revenue?
Are any in profit?
Have any of them a future?
I don't think they do.
As for my own two cents on the issue which is the real cause of the firing of Mr Myers, ie his questioning of the clapped out feminist conspiracy theory currently being hawked around Ireland and Britain that evil males have for generations maliciously underpaid the unwatchable leg waxing harridans at RTE and the BBC just for a larf...
My views on men and women's pay issues are encapsulated in the brief yet interminable reminiscence below.

It was the dulcet Summer of 2004.
I was having tea with Rowena Baines, the Assistant Editor of the Leinster Leader, a newspaper from which I drew a salary at the time.
Rowena said: "We've handed the pay negotiations over to Rosie Probert and Clotilde Boule."
I was aghast.
"You put those two in charge of the union? Why would you do that? Why would you put two people in charge of the union who can barely pass themselves with the rest of us?"
"Well James they kept bitching about Trevor."
Trevor was Rowena's husband. He had been our union rep for a decade.
My eyes widened.
"Of course they kept bitching about him. They bitch about everybody. So you gave them the union?"
"James you've heard the old phrase: Set a thief to watch the cookie jar. Now we're going to see if it works."
"I've heard the phrase. It's about the most stupid piece of nonsense masquerading as a proverb in the history of stolen cookies. You're all mad. If you put a thief in charge of the cookie jar, you will have no cookies. If you put Rosie and Clotilde in charge of the union we will have no pay rise."
"We're going to find that out James."
"I think I know already."
A few weeks later we met again for lunch.
"How are the pay negotiations going?" I enquired.
"Rosie and Clotilde have finished putting together our claim and they're bringing it to Mr Stewart this evening," answered Rowena.
"Tell me more," quoth I.
"Okay," sez she, "the basis of our claim is that women are paid thirty percent less than men at the Leinster Leader."
There was a pregnant non sexist pause.
"But it's not true," I blurted out finally.
"It's statistically true," said Rowena.
"And how is that supposed to help the five men on the journalistic staff put in for their pay rise?" wondered I.
"The issue is inequity between the rates paid to men and to women..." said Rowena trailing off.
"But women in the Leinster Leader are better paid than the men," I exploded. "The basic pay is the same but most of you have negotiated personal deals that give you more money than most of the guys."
"Statistics show we're thirty percent behind you," insisted Rowena.
I stared at her.
If the honorable people are willing to propagate this stuff, what hope is there for the world.
"The only reason the statistics show a thirty percent disparity between male and female pay rates," I ground out, "is because the Sports Editor has been on the staff thirty years longer than all the rest of us. Phil Throgmore in the Sports Department has had thirty years more service and therefore three decades more bonuses and payrises. He's getting thirty percent more than the women and slightly more than thirty percent more than the men. He's getting paid what he's paid not because of some evil plot by the Freemasons against women and not because he's a man. He's paid what he's paid quite rightly because he's been here thirty full years longer than the rest of us. It's nothing to do with his gender. It's to do with him being here since 1962."
"James the statistics still show what they show. Women at the Leinster Leader are paid thirty percent less than the men."
I leaned across the table in a non threatening non paternalistic cuddly tree hugging hippy dippy new man kind of way.
"Gender politics," I said softly (I really did), "is much too important to use to tell lies."

Thursday, August 03, 2017

the heeler the peeler laughter hour

Vanessa Feltz is crossing the road at Mayfair in London.
Suddenly a car whizzes around the corner and knocks her onto the pavement.
A passerby rushes forward and cradles her head.
From far away an ambulance siren is audible.
"Are you comfortable?" asks the passerby tenderly.
"I make a living," shrugs Vanessa Feltz.

Footnote: No Jews were harmed in the making of this joke.

a brief but helpful guide to the holy people (being everything you always wanted to know about judaism but were afraid to ask in case you'd get fired)

In the wake of the Kevin Myers controversy in Ireland, Uncle Jayums explains the Jews from A to Ezekiel, so none of the rest of you ever make the mistake of mentioning them in your syndicated newspaper columns and get canned.

Here's what you need to know.
The Top Ten Jews
Among the Holy People the most revered Prophets and Patriarchs are:
(1) Abraham. A wandering nomad Aramean from Ur of the Chaldees in what is modern day Iraq. We consider him the first ever Jew. One night looking up at the skies he was communing with God. He said: "What use are your gifts since I am going on my way childless?" God answered him that his children would be as numerous as the stars in the sky, and that he would father a great nation, and that all nations would call themselves blessed because of him.
(2) Moses. He led the people of Israel out of slavery in Egypt into the land God had promised them. He was the greatest Prophet but for reasons not entirely clear, God did not permit him to enter the Holy Land himself. He died on a mountain nearby but was granted before he died to look down from it onto the land of milk and honey which his people would inherit. There had never been a prophet in Israel as great as Moses. His life may be in some way analogous with the destiny of the Jews themselves. God has favoured them more than all other nations and has used them to make himself known to all nations. Yet he has been harder on them than on any other people. They have been refined in suffering for thousands of years. The devil has been permitted to attack them but never to destroy them. They suffered and overcame so that they might be a testimony to all people's of God's truth incarnate in a nation. This is why the devil and his servants hate them so much. By God's grace, they have endured and will always endure, and will always overcome. God is toughest with those he loves most. Similarly we see God making Moses greater than other Prophets but denying him the triumph of entering the promisered land. The greatest prophet who ever lived. God did not change his mind about that. Yet in life he was not permitted to enter the promised land only to see it from afar and know that it had been bestowed forever upon Israel.
(3) Jacob. The father of Israel who eventually became known simply as Israel.
(4) King David. Among other accomplishments he defeated while still a shepherd boy the warrior giant Goliath in single combat, rose from shepherd boy to become King, established Jerusalem as his capital,  chose the site for the first temple, and wrote the Book Of Psalms. He is also a proverbial example of the mercy of God. The Bible describes him as being perfect in God's eyes. Old atheistic communists in the Soviet Union used to point to this description as an inconsistency in the Bible since David is earlier described as having committing the lousiest of sins, sending a soldier to die in battle merely so that David could take the soldier's wife.. Lutheran Pastor Richard Wurmbrand, himself a Jew by birth, replied to the communists that the verse about David's perfection in the eyes of God was not inconsistent but showed clearly the mercy of God, in that when God forgives sins it is not done in a half hearted, mean minded, conditional way. When God forgives sins, they are completely forgiven, washed away, gone. If God forgives your sins, you are sinless.
(5) Judith. An extraordinarily holy, extraordinarily beautiful, extraordinarily courageous daughter of Israel. Her beheading of Holofernes has been immortalised in works of art by Caravaggio and by me.
(6) Esther. Another heroic and again providentially beautiful princess. Perhaps the prototype for all the Jewish princesses we know and love today.
(7) Joseph. Favoured by God with the insight to interpret dreams. Avant garde taste in coats. His brothers sold him into slavery in Egypt. Joseph by the grace of God promptly(ish) became Prime Minister of Egypt and used his influence to help Israel through a time of famine. He also forgave his brothers.
(8) Isaiah. Prophet whose writings Christians claim foretell the coming of Jesus as "wonder counsellor mighty God."
(9) Claudia Winkleman. Presenter of Strictly Come Dancing for the BBC.
(10) Vanessa Feltz. Presenter of The Morning Show on BBC Radio.

The reason there are only four women among the Top Ten Jews is because God is not an equal opportunities employer. An anti discrimination case against the Deity is due before the European Court Of Human Rights shortly.

Wednesday, August 02, 2017

rambles in erin

While the world seems to be focussing on the vicissitudes of President Donald Trump of the United States of America, Ireland's eyes are turned inward, as is our wont, to a more localised storm in an apocalyptic tea cup, namely the fate of one of our veteran journalistic controversialists, Mr Kevin Myers, a contributor to various national titles in our green and mafia infested land oh since Adam was a boy, who has been summarily dismissed from his latest sinecure at the Sunday Times newspaper for the heinous crime of referring to BBC television presenters Claudia Winkelmann and Vanessa Feltz as Jews.
In a storied career Myers has, over the past half century, worked for the Irish Times, then for the Irish Independent and latterly for Britain's Sunday Times who have just given him the boot.
Cards on the table.
I'd regard him as a left wing, liberal, atheistic, abortionist, contraceptivist, anti Catholic, conformist, quasi fembo, pseud against the Bomb.
So we're not really pals.
But I do recognise in my more senile moments his manifold courage and vicarious accomplishments through a sustained and gregarious career in journalistic, literary, broadcasting and public life.
The Irish Independent Newspaper this week reported, rather glibly I thought, that Myers had been dismissed from the Sunday Times newspaper over concerns about supposed ('Supposed' is my word not theirs) anti semitic sentiments in a piece he wrote.
The Indo seemed pleased that he'd been fired. They exuded all the malicious pleasure of old friends seeing the downfall of one of their own, one who had formerly walked among them and had, needless to say, gone on to higher things.
The firing itself, well...
In an article on women's pay, Myers had dwelt rather goonishly on the Jewishness of two high paid women presenters at the BBC.
Now if he'd called Claudia Winkelmann and Vanessa Feltz, a pair of unwatchable leg waxing harridans overpaid at any price, I don't believe any reasonable person could have had a quarrel with him.
But the mention of Jewishness provided a pretext to fire him and so it goes.
I say pretext because I'm fairly sure the real reason he was fired was for daring to question the pieties of cultural feminism with regard to women's pay.
Women are to be regarded as underpaid, say the fembos, and there is to be no analysis of differences in circumstances or statistical glitches which might be facilitating the false impression that it is so.
The penalty for questioning this piety is.... well... look at Myers.
The Indo in its nudge, nudge, winkelmann, winkelmann, reportage of all this, also claimed a tad improbably to have only just discovered another supposedly offensive Myers article, one he'd written for them ages ago, and to have immediately removed it from their own website. The coy implication was that this article too contained something ripe. It had been sitting unnoticed on the Independent Newspapers website for eight years.
The Independent Newspapers website.
Where the tumbleweeds blow.
At least we know why it was unnoticed.
Arf arf.
Still I wish they hadn't removed it.
Now I'd quite like to read it.
Boys allanah.
In these harsh modern times it is so easy to take offence.
I'll have to ask for a Judges' ruling on this.
Judge Zaidan. Would you mind?
In the same edition they used to jeer at Myers for having the good taste to get fired from Rupert Murdock's cosmically awful Sunday Times (Bankrupt because of a sad advertising campaign whereby they urged people to worship their newspaper juxtaposing an image of a dominatrix style high heel shoe with their logo, bankrupt because of that and the fact that the Murdocks don't know how to run newspapers), the Indo noted in a separate feature piece that in Ireland the long term unemployed "are claiming benefits while pretending to look for work."
Ah yes.
That old chestnut.
Rather a blanket statement.
Touched a bit nearly upon my heart too.
Replete with irony of course.
For the Indo is labelling Myers an anti semite.
And at the same time the Indo itself is exhibiting the most blatant anti dolerism.
There's a yet deeper irony if we look for it.
Here is the news folks.
Every single employee of the Irish Independent, and its associated titles The Sunday World, The Evening Herald, and the Whatever Whatever, is subsisting entirely on social welfare benefit.
I am asserting explicitly that the Independent Newspaper group has been able to continue trading solely because the Irish government nationalised a bank that went bust lending to it, and then allowed that bank to cancel Independent Newspapers' billion dollar debts.
This is a newspaper group that has been subsidised by government to the tune of a billion quid of my money.
Okay citizens.
Our money.
Let's be clear.
They're all on welfare.
Indo Journalists, its management, its staff, its shareholders, its board members, the janitor, the quite professional friendly girl who answers the phones (and who should be in charge in my view), its owners and their cats Tiddles.
The difference between them and people on social welfare benefit is that unlike the honest unemployed who might bring in eight thousand pounds a year while searching for work, the staff at Independent Newspapers get paid two hundred grand a year each, to do nothing except produce a newspaper that nobody buys and whose website nobody visits.
Independent Newspapers survived the public backlash against its thirty year culture war with Christianity, the public rejection of its feral hedonistic anti Catholicism, the public repudiation of its malign hatred of priest and nuns, survived the public rebellion against all of this I say and the evaporation of its readership, by the ingenious strategy of refusing to pay its billion dollar debts to Allied Irish Bank.
Allied Irish Bank went bust because Independent Newspapers refused to repay its debts.
Prime Minister Enda Kenny nationalised Allied Irish Bank when it was bankrupted by Independent Newspapers refusal to pay its debts.
Prime Minister Enda Kenny then permitted Allied Irish Bank to cancel Independent Newspapers' billion dollar debts.
Here is the news.
These guys are all on social welfare.
I mean I don't want to go casting no aspoyshuns.
What I mean is I really don't want to insult the unemployed by comparing them to this shower.
But Allied Irish Bank is bust because Independent Newspapers took a billion off it in loans and paid the money to itself, its owners, its managers, its board members and its staff (Sing along now) in inflated salaries, bonuses, dividends, pensions and other fripperies that they weren't really earning.
The purely fictional profitability of the Independent Newspapers group was floated on billion dolllar borrowings that the group never repaid.
Once more from the top.
The Irish government of former Prime Minister Enda Kenny nationalised Allied Irish Bank because it had been bankrupted by Independent Newspapers' refusal to repay its loans.
No less than three billionaires held controlling interests in Independent Newspapers but the government did not dare to suggest the Denis O'Brien, Tony O'Reilly or The Other One, should pay their debts out of their own billion dollar fortunes.
Instead Prime Minister Enda Kenny used the Irish people's money first to purchase the worthless bankrupt Allied Irish Bank and then to allow Allied Irish Bank to cancel Independent Newspapers billion dollar debts to it.
Hilarious no.
And this week Independent Newspapers is accusing long term unemployed people of drawing benefits while pretending to look for work.
Oh come on.
It's kind of rum folks.
I mean I always said Independent Newspapers would go bankrupt on their anti Catholic agenda alone.
But it's like there's so many reasons they're bankrupt.
Lack of taste. Lack of principle. Lack of humour. Lack of courage (as exemplified by their failure to defend the unborn). Lack of honour (as exemplified by their failure to warn about the Jihad threat to the human race). Lack of democratic spirit (as exemplifed by their failure to represent the vast majority of the population who want our borders enforced, IRA gangland destroyed, and Muslim immigration ended permanently). Lack of integrity. Lack of discernment. Lack of anything in common with the nation to whom they are trying to sell newspapers.
Ho hum.
Theoretically there is no business model on earth that can save this newspaper group.
You know.
Maybe they should hire Myers again.
I hear he's available.
And at least he might just make them interesting again.

Monday, July 31, 2017

the abrupt dismissal of cultural commentator kevin myers from the sunday times newspaper

I have no brief for Kevin Myers.
He has enough on his plate without having me on his side.
But I don't believe he was fired for anti Semitism.
Kevin Myers was fired for daring to suggest a critique of the contrived falsehood inherent in contemporary feminist analyses of comparative pay structures for men and women in the Western World.
Doesn't have the same ring as frivolously labelling him a bigot, does it?

yesss butt

(The false humanitarianism of the pseudo elites.)

Employees of the quasi autonomous non governmental organisation styled Trocaire (The name means mercy or something in the Irish language) have been visiting Catholic churches across Ireland this week claiming that a threatened famine in Sudan and Somalia has been caused by climate change.
Yes but...
Yes but surely the last 35 years of continuous Islamist civil war in Somalia has something to do with it?
And Somalia's previous 40 years of Soviet backed communism?
And Somalia's previous thousand years under dessicating Muslim rule?
And the narco subversion of Somali society by Islamist drug gangs whereby the entire population of Somalia is addicted to a drug which they call Qat?
Aren't these things more realistically and more probably and let's face it, absolutely truly and utterly, the sole causes of famine in Somalia?
Let's look at the other basket case Islamic country currently bolstering Trocaire's self promotioning publicity campaign.
In the case of Sudan surely their own fifty year Islamist civil war followed immediately by a two year tribal war in the secessionist State of South Sudan, is a significant causal factor in any and every famine there?
Plus Sudan's earlier forty years under their own Soviet backed Islamist dictator who incidentally is still in power today though now a lot more Islamist than Soviet?
Plus Sudan's own thousand year wallow under the jackboot of Muslim psychopathy?
The charities are not helping here.
I'm suggesting we should factor in the actions of self important and self promoting aid agencies like Trocaire in actually extending indefinitely civil war conflicts in Africa by feeding those taking part without insisting they cease to murder their own countrymen.
And by extending the conflicts the charities are helping create the famines.
Shouldn't we at least be aware that Western aid agencies and their ilk routinely hire local Islamist gang members and thug militia men as their security teams in Africa with the net result that the Islamists routinely hijack the charities' convoys of food aid and routinely use those to provision their armies in the field.
There is no food shortage in Somalia or Sudan.
Somalia and Sudan are awash with Western Food aid and have been for nigh on thirty years of the last fifty.
The problem is distributing food in countries where the natives on behalf of the Prophet Mohammed keep murdering, shooting, raping and blowing up everything that moves.
Western charities end up provisioning the very murder gangs, clan mafias and Islamist terror groups which have plunged Africa into a nightmare that is showing no signs of coming to an end.
Without Western food aid, there's no way the armies of Somalia and Sudan could have kept on inflicting mayhem on their own people with such gay abandon for half a century.
Here is the news.
Psychopathic Islamist murderers have to eat too.
No Jihadi on earth could wage fifty years of mayhem without meal breaks.
They kill all the farmers who grow food.
And lo and behold.
Here comes Trocaire to make sure killing all the farmers is a viable proposition.
So I'm saying that Trocaire and its ilk are currently the main provisioners and propagators of Africa's permanent half century long blood bath.
It's the bleedin obvious folks.
No Islamists, no Al Qaeda, no Muslim Brotherhood, no Isis, no Taliban, no (insert Islamic nut job here) can shoot a country to pieces for fifty years without stopping occasionally for a bite to eat, that is to say without hand wringing Western charities (Quangos surely - Ed note) cooking them a meal each evening.
If we weren't feeding them, they'd at least have to pause now and then to grow something or trade something.
If the charities stop feeding them, and if we stop Chancellor Angela Merkel of Germany and Pope Frances of the Catholic Church from giving them citizenship of Europe, why then the Civil Wars, and the famines mark you, in both Somalia and Sudan, and every other country under the oppression of Islam, will end before the year is out.
At the very least they'll become a whole lot less fun for the people causing them.
The supposed do gooders of Western Charities are now the principal perpetuators of African civil war and famine.
This should stop now.
You people are starting to annoy me.
As for Climate Change.
Oh come on.