De Ploribus Unum

(inside the Trump presidency by a source close the president... himself)

Bolton had to go.
He's a disagreeable man.
He kept disagreeing with me.
So he's gone.
He made a lot of bad decisions.
He caused the Iraq War.
I think he might have been responsible for Nine Eleven.
Have you ever asked yourself why all the Nine Eleven hijackers had silly moustaches?
It's too much to be a coincidence.
Bolton is a hater.
He hated Mike Pompeo one of my drones in Sector Seven Gee.
So he's gone.
As the best president since Abraham Lincoln (Honest Abe) I sometimes have to make tough decisions like that.
Now it's back to the mundane chores of running the Free World.
The Jewish question still bedevils my Administration.
Why did Ivanka marry that guy?
As it happens I am one of the most knowledgeable presidents ever about Jewish history and culture.
I've watched most episodes of Seinfeld and a good few Larry Davids as well.
They're both Jews.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
All I'm saying is that my knowledge of the Jews is Yu Jeh.
Seinfeld had a stand up routine in the 1970s before he was famous.
He described visiting an exhibition at the Smithsonian where the display included a tooth brush used by Neil Armstong on the moon.
The sign beside it said: "On loan from the collection of Neil Armstrong."
And Seinfeld said: "Neil... Give them the toothbrush."
I also remember a Larry David episode where his native American gardener Wandering Bear, who was played by real life Indian activist Russell Mears, gave Larry a herbal remedy for Larry's wife's va China.
Incidentally my Administration has done more to change stereotypes about Indians than any other.
For a start we promoted Nickie Haley. Her Indian name should be Big Chief Sexy Bum.
(It's not sexist if I like them and appoint them as ambassador to the United Nations.)
Anyway Larry David's gardener met Mrs David a few days later in the garden and said: "Mrs David, how is your va China?"
She frowned with embarrassment and said: "It's fine Wandering Bear."
Then she told Larry and he went to the gardener and said: "Wandering Bear, it might not be a good idea to ask the white man's wife how her va China is. It's a cultural thing."
And Wandering Bear said: "If you bring her to the white man's doctor, he'll not only ask about her va China, he will look."
And Larry David says: "Good one Wandering Bear. Good one. And might I just say what I wonderful job you've been doing."
I know everything about the Jews.
And the Indians/
Some tribes are talking about making me a full blood brother.
They do it with some sort of a ritual.
Or you can do it yourself if you're Senator Elizabeth Warren just by wishful thinking.
The media called her Fauxccahontas but I believe her real Indian name is Sitting Bullshit.

considerations of medjugorje

There are plenty of reasons to dispute claims that the Virgin Mary has appeared regularly in supernatural extensions of reality for 38 years to several individuals at Medjugorje.
As a thought experiment I wish to propose reasons to believe the apparitions may be real.

1. I have heard first person testimony from a priest, ie directly to me, that people at Medjugorje avail of the sacrament of confession in a quite distinctive way. "I have never heard confessons like these," he told me. "Really incredible. People baring their souls. Crying their eyes out. And such joy." This claim is often made about Medjugorje but the instance I am citing is of interest to me because I have a passing acquaintanceship with the priest and I consider him somewhat credible.

2. I visited Medjugorje in 2013 and I quite liked it.

3. The Bosnian War which swept the region between 1992 and 1995 is said to have killed more than 90,000 people. Cities and infrastructure were bombed. Some say that two million people were displaced. There is a claim that Medjugorje was never bombed during this conflict.

4. The purported six visionaries Mirjana, Ivan, Vicka, Ivanka, Marija and Jacov, have never retracted their initial claims of seeing the Virgin Mary. They seem nice.

5. People who visit Medjugorje sometimes claim to have become penitent in regards to their errors of life.

6. A substantial amount of prayer takes place at Medjugorje among visitors and locals.

7. The tradition of fasting has been somewhat to the fore at Medjugorje. This is a tremendously respected tradition within the ancient church.

8. There appears to have been some genuine and durable reconciliation among neighbours at Medjugorje. This sort of claim impresses me because I recognise the deep seated conflicts that can permeate a small town. What I've heard about such conflicts at Medjugorje rings true. The spiritual challenge to renounce unforgiveness even at small town level seems powerfully relevant.

9. Medjugorje has inspired works of contemporary art which adorn the town at various locations. Some of them are not bad.

10. Much of the theology emerging from Medjugorje's purported visions is sound enough particularly in its call for respect for people of all faiths and cultures. Some of the critiques of this theology are in my assessment based on legalistic, vexatious or frivolous wordplay.