The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Saturday, June 09, 2012

holier than thou

"Will you be going to the Eucharistic Congress?" enquired the Clerk of Works over tiffin.
I shook my handsome head.
"Anything to do with the Eucharist has got to be good," I explained. "So I'm not begrudging attendance to anyone who choose to attend. But for me I just can't go. The whole thing is being turned into a showcase for Archbishop Diarmuid Martin's power play within the Irish Church. And Arcbishop Diarmuid Martin and his leftist allies in the media have just ruined Cardinal Sean Brady, a decent venerable hero of faith. They ruined him for no other reason than they thought he stood in their way. And Arcbishop Diarmuid Martin and his accomplices will be using the Eucharistic Congress to spotlight themselves as great men. I couldn't go along with that. Archbhishop Diarmuid Martin and company have casually murdered Cardinal Sean Brady's reputation by falsely labelling him a concealer of child abuse. I can't tolerate this. I can't. If I did go to the Eucharistic Congress, I would be acquiescing to the crime Archbishop Diarmuid Martin and his atheistic media pals have committed against Cardinal Sean Brady. I mean, it's just monstrous what they have done. They really have deliberately set out to destroy him. It's important to me that Archbishop Diarmuid Martin and his Marxian fellow travellers should know I have opposed them every step of the way. Every calumny they have perpetrated against Cardinal Sean Brady they have perpetrated in spite of me. I allow them nothing. I accept no lie they have told. I bow to no innuendo they have propagated. I defy them. And there's no way I could attend the Eucharistic Congress which they are hijacking. There's no way I could look the other way while these hounds of hell trahaise and despoil by their very presence the Ceremony of Communion, the most sacred most ancient most mysterious most impossible ritual at the core of the Catholic religion."

Friday, June 08, 2012

Gavin O'Reilly has received a two million dollar severance pay out from the anti Catholic Independent Newspapers, the company over whose collapse he has presided.
The last time the anti Catholic Independent Newspapers made such a pay out was after Monica Leech's libel award.
Monica Leech got two million from em because she felt libelled by their reportage of the circumstances in which she'd received hundred thousand dollar contracts to design websites from a goverment Minister.


Dear Uncle James.
Why do you keep insisting that Vladimir Putin won't help resolve the Syrian crisis?
Ernst Von Steinervortzel (The Third)

Dear Ernst.
I do indeed suggest that Vladimir Putin will continue to obstruct any direct action against Bashar Assad's dictatorship in Syria.
You are well aware that I believe Mr Putin to be a psychopath intent on resovietising Russia.
I also suggest that the preponderance of probability points to Mr Putin as an assassin who has ordered the murders of sundry politicians in countries on Russia's borders, countries which I believe Mr Putin wishes to subvert.
I also suggest that Mr Putin was responsible for the attempted murder of a Ukrainian presidential candidate, the invidious arrest and detention of the current legitimate President of Ukraine Mrs Yulia Timoshenko, and the installation in Ukraine of a puppet ethnic Russian gangster as President, one Mr Viktor Yanukovich. (Two Viktor Yanukoviches would have been excessive even by Mr Putin's standards.)
I further suggest that Mr Putin was responsible for the murder of the legitimate President of Poland and a hundred leading Polish polticians who had themselves been responsible for seeing off the Soviet domination of their country, and were themselves in effect the living Conscience of Poland. I suggest that Mr Putin murdered them by shooting down their plane in Russian airspace and labelling the subsequent crash an accident.
I would add, that the occasional pro Putin Russians with whom I have managed to consult on what I allege is Mr Putin's asssassination of the Polish President, get very uncomfortable when I mention my analysis and attribution of the murders.
They can barely look me in the eye.
This is what I'm saying folks.
Even his fans think he did it.
I assert that subsequent to his murder of the Conscience of Poland, Mr Putin inserted a pro communist pro Putin, leftist as President of Poland through a gerrymandered election.
None of these assertions which I make freely about Mr Putin whenever the mood takes me, none of them I say, are the reason why I have concluded he will not be a party to any action to facilitate the rescue of the Syrian people from the Assad family murderocracy.
There is another quite distinct allegation which I wish to bring into the public domain with regard to Mr Putin's motivation for supporting Assad's Soviet style police state in Syria.
I assert that the reason for Mr Putin's ongoing protection and propagation of the Assad dicatorship, relates to the assistance the Assad dictatorship gave to Mr Putin in taking Saddam Hussein's chemical weapons out of Iraq on the eve of the American liberation of Iraq in 2003.
Mr Putin's aid to Saddam Hussein and Assad's collusion in this aid, was an attempt to terminally embarrass and ultimately derail the movement towards American style democracy in the Middle East.
My source for this analysis is American journalist Kenneth Timmerman, who has compiled a dossier attesting to the removal of chemical weapons from Iraq into Syria by Russian KGB controlled commandos in 2003.
The witnesses cited by Kenneth Timmerman include senior Iraqi military men from the Saddam era.
His allegations are sensational but not sensationalist.
They are credible.
Mr Timmerman is no saint. He is not without a horse in these races. He has a fondness for certain Muslim Iranian backed politicians that is worth noting but which I think does not discredit his investigations.
And the fact remains.
Vladimir Putin is right this moment defending, upholding and extending the dictatorship of Bashar Al Assad at precisely the time when Bashar Al Assad is slaughtering the people of Syria in the streets.
If I'm wrong about Mr Putin, and frankly I hope I am, then I ask you this.
What the hell is he doing it for?
James Healy

Thursday, June 07, 2012

subterranean eucharistic congress blues

Timetable for the Eucharistic Congress.

9.00 Opening Ceremony led by Archbishop Diarmuid Martin and a few also rans. Archie will speak about child abuse and apologise for it on behalf of those of us who have never committed it.

10.00 Prime Minister Enda Kenny, a weak vapid vacuous hairstyle of a man, will lead the assembly in his own rendition of Deutschlund Uber Alles before presenting a Nazi Of The Year award to Archbishop Diarmuid Martin.

11.00 Confessions will be heard by Gauleiter Alan Shatter. Followed by tribute to Archbishop Diarmuid Martin from Karl Marx.

12.00 Atheistic Irish government Justice Minister Ruairi Quinn will speak on the topic What The Eucharist Means To Me. This talk will take five seconds and consist of the word: "Nothing." Followed by silent adoration for half an hour of Archbishop Diarmuid Martin.

12.30 Ruairi Quinn will explain the Irish government's decision to pay ten billion Euro for a bankrupt bank, styling itself Allied Irish Bank, of whose board of management his brother Lochlainn Vineyard Quinn is a member. Followed by crowning of Archbishop Diarmuid Martin as honorary (titular) High King of Ireland.

1.00 Atheistic Marxist arsewipe Gary O'Sullivan will tell the audience where he got the cash to buy the liberal atheistic newspaper styling itself The Irish Catholic. The Irish Catholic (sic) had up till yesterday been a business run for profit by the Farmers Journal corporation. I kid you not. Afterwards Archbishop Diarmuid Martin will speak about the Gary O'Sullivan he knows and loves.

2.00 Archbishop Diarmuid Martin will apologise for the dreadful job he claims every Bishop in Ireland has done up until his own accession to high office. Spittoons will be provided for those wishing to vomit.

3.00 Parade of Fine Gael with Swastikas and veneration of original icons of Archbishop Diarmuid Martin.

4.00 Crowning of Archbishop Diarmuid Martin as Pope. The investiture ceremony will be carried out jointly by the editor of the anti Catholic Irish Times and by the editor of the anti Catholic Irish Independent and by the programme controller at RTE who is himself an unfrocked priest with a lifelong detestation of the Catholic Church. You couldn't make it up.

5.00 The apotheosis of Archbishop Diarmuid Martin. (ie His ascension into heaven and elevation to Godhood.)

6.00 Tea.

Wednesday, June 06, 2012

upper echelons

Oh pale Archbishop Diarmuid Martin.
How thou hast conquered.
Now thou hast it all.
King, Cawdor, Glamis
And a eucharistic congress in your bailiwick.
And I fear thou paid most foully for it.
What will these hands never be clean!
Fie my Lord fie.
Yet who would have thought ousting a generation of Bishops
By murdering their reputations through your atheistic media allies
At the anti Catholic Irish Times
And the anti Catholic Irish Indpendent
And the anti Catholic RTE
Would have been so easy.
And who would have thought Cardinal Sean Brady
Would have so much blood in him
And could be so crassly destroyed
Eh Archie

Tuesday, June 05, 2012


in the garden of my father
i first heard the gunshots from tiananmen square
i will never drink again this beauty
without hearing first the crying of the dying there

we will pray sometimes in the evening
as the shadows lengthen into years
for there are prayers much softer than silence
and silences softer than tears

Sunday, June 03, 2012


in the pool of evening
quick silver
ripples widening

cold water thing
risen to exult
in some unthinking imagining
ordinary is wonder enough

what do fishes dream