irish folklore commission turns up previously unknown version of molly malone ballad

 

(a Heelers Diaries exclusive)

In Dublin's fair city

Where the girls are not all that pretty

I first set my eyes on sweet Tony O'Reilly

As he wheeled his bankrupt newspaper group

Through bank loans and ready ups

Crying abortions and condoms

Alive alive oh

Alive alive uh oh

Alive alive uh oh

Crying abortions and condoms

Alive alive uh oh

His staff hated Christians

And thought it was bitchin

To slander and malign the old Catholic Church

With incitements to hatred

And transgenderism feted

Abortions and condoms

They'll never besmirch

Alive alive uh oh

Alive alive uh oh

Crying abortions and condoms

Alive alive uh oh

Now a new white collar criminal

With bigotries subliminal

Has taken Tony's newspaper

And made it his own

With billion dollar losses

Amid reviling of crosses

Maybe it's time for another bank loan

Alive alive uh oh

Alive alive uh oh

Crying abortions and condoms

Alive alive uh oh

ireland in the year 2014

(lines written after the commencement of yet another pogrom by pseudo liberal atheists in the media, judiciary and political sphere against the ancient beautiful and true catholic church)

it was the first day back
for the new parliament
even the prime minister was smiling
and the corridor was packed
with the inane the insane and the beguiling

all seemed right with the world
a sort of silence fell
a strange silence mid the pomp
and splendour
of parasites and parvenues
as though the abortionist throng
felt some shame
for the destruction they had wrought
and soon would wring
upon ireland
the debauching of the citizenry
the cretinisation of children
the impoverishment of generations
the persecution of the ancient faith
sundry other infamies
yes it might have been shame
but these had no shame

everybody suddenly burst out sieg heiling
they sieg heiled
and sieg heiled
and sieg heiled
oh how they sieg heiled
and hugged one another
and sieg heiled again
as though sieg heiling could somehow
change what they were
the destroyers of ireland
body and soul

they'd legalised abortion
propagated condom culture
institutionalised fornication
and criminalised the catholic church
in the eyes of the peasantry
through the perpetual recycling
of old child abuse cases
by bankrupt state subsidised newspaper and television groups
and through the concealment of the vast preponderance
of actual child sex abuse cases
still going on
which involve no catholics
and through the cover up
of the activities of devil worshippers
in dublin and elsewhere
particularly the cover up of the satanic murder by Lorcan Bale
of a little boy called John Horgan
in the attic of the Bale family home
in 1973
a case covered up by the Irish Times the Irish Independent and RTE
for forty years
as a death in accidental circumstances
while Canadian newspapers were able to report quite explicitly
that the satanist Lorcan Bale had ritually slaughtered and crucified
a little boy called John Horgan
in the attic of the Bale family home
in 1973
like i say
there was nothing accidental about it
no accident either
in the Irish media failing to mention it
for forty years
i assure you
for cathal goan head of RTE and the Irish Language Channel
T na Satanists
was a former work colleague of Lorcan Bale's Daddy Snodgrass Bale in the civil service
i kid you not

except about his name being snodgrass
and Lorcan Bale's Daddy had prominent links to the Irish language movement
as well as having infiltrated prayer groups in Dublin
and having written copious letters to the press
on pro life issues
all as a cover for the Bale family's satanism
i ask you
what the cops didn't even trouble to ask him
about his son's satanic altar in the Bale family garden
or his son's predilection for murder
or his son's disappearance to meetings of a coven
or his sons torture and slaughter of animals
as he readied himself to torture and slaughter a little boy
for weeks on end
such lack of concern
from the police
is hard to explain
dontchya think
free pass for the Bales
i wonder why
or how about members of the Irish Judiciary
for thirty years
repeatedly adjourning the inquest
into Lorcan Bale's slaughter of little John Horgan
in order to keep details from becoming public
or how about Irish cops failing to investigate or publicise in any way what was done
to John Horgan
or newspapers to report it
and how about Irish parliamentarians and the courts service
facilitating Lorcan Bale with a new identity

resettling him in secret in the united kingdom
and turning him loose on the English
and facilitating the Bale family coven with a new identity
and turning them loose on the rest of us
my sources say some of them are in the aran islands
where the irish language is still spoken
and a predilection for serving satan by  killing children
is less of a stigma
than it might be anywhere else
outside of the muslim world
ho hum
so satanists killed a little boy in dublin in 1973
and to date they've gotten clean away with it
1973 was a bit of a beano year for them
of course
as has been each year since
irish cops remain determined to do nothing
about Lorcan Bale and his family
sacrificing children to satan
what was the secret of the Bale family's influence
over the politicians, the cops, the judges and the press
IRA members perhaps
it would explain a lot
or just a satanic paedophile ring at the upper echelons
of what passes for high society
in ireland
and i tell you
irish cops remain determined to do nothing
either way
just as they remain determined to do nothing
about the Dalkey devil worship ring
the somewhat recent exposure of which by journalist nicola tallant
whose analysis i tend to accept
is the source for what i now claim
yes
a devil worship ring in the dublin town of dalkey
which included police officers
and taxi drivers
all readily identifiable
as they wander round dublin today
a devil worship ring whose members serially raped and twice impregnated
eleven year old cynthia owen
and murdered both her babies
back in 1973
that big year for satanists in ireland
remember
not so big for their victims
and so it goes on
as yet another satan worshipping coven
has turned up at Naas Hospital
Naas hospital more correctly understood
as a charnel house
than a hospital
for Nurse Mulholland liked to kill patients on the wards
having terrorised them first
with the assistance of the security staff?

maybe
who knows

the question should be asked anyway
and other as yet unknown devil worshippers
in the Naas hospital coven
and all the cops charged Mulholland with
all they charged her with
i tells ee
for her two known barbaric slaughterous torture murders
of innocent human beings
whom she sacrificed on the wards
to satan
was assault causing bodily harm
hoo baby
i suppose death is a kind of assault and does cause harm
i mean it is fairly harmful isn't it
all concealed
move along quickly now
all concealed
no jihad here
never mind satanism
all concealed
by all the sieg heilers

oh everybody sieg heiled
as they invented new crimes
to stampede the people from the catholic church
the only power in the land
that might have saved their souls
or given them a vocabulary to know what was happening
everybody sieg heiled
as the pseudo elites of atheistic judiciary faux academia and allied media
fashioned an interpretation
of the symphysiotomy medical procedure
which had formerly been considered a safer alternative
in irish hospitals
for pregnant women
to caesarian sections
but was now being attributed
falsely maliciously and malignly
by the sieg heilers
to the catholic church's concerns
about contraceptive culture
it was a safer bloody alternative
to Nurse Mulholland

i can tell you

oh everybody sieg heiled
and then sued the catholic church
money for jam they thought
where's the harm in profiting
from the vilification of heroes
from the destruction of all that is good
in propheting as prime minister enda kenny might say
from the murder of reputations
everybody sieg heiled
then sued the church again
on yet more specious grounds
for not looking after
indigent women well enough
in magdalen laundries
when nobody else in ireland
was looking after
indigent women
at all
oh everybody sieg heiled
they really had a ball
as Finance Minister Ruairi Quinn
seized catholic church run schools
and handed them over to
his nice sieg heiling marxian atheistic friends
while simultaneously glomming on

to 20 billion dollars
of public funds
to bail out his brother Lochlainn Quinn's
collapsed gangster bank AIB
and shaking down ageing priests and nuns
in old folks homes
to pay limitless sums of money
to anyone claiming to have been sexually abused
and their lawyers of course
of course
of course

of course

everybody sieg heiled
and Justice Minister Alan Shatter
sieg heiled most of all
as he furthered the pogrom
against the church
with a kristalnacht of his own
introducing legislation
against the catholic ritual of confession
legislation that neither hitler nor stalin
ever dared
stoop to
too low for hitler and stalin
not too low for Alan Shatter
and at the same time
this same Alan Shatter
this corrupt venal Alan Shatter
soon forced to resign for his cover ups of police corruption
yeah that's the Alan Shatter I mean
the one who drew a severance fee
higher than the annual salary of the president of russia
for getting fired from a job he was too corrupt to do
in the first place
the one and only Alan Shatter ya might say
just before he was fired
attempted to restrict free speech
on the internet
because
because
because

because of me

in all modesty

everybody sieg heiled
their sieg heiling rose above the roof tops
of my beautiful ireland
into the purple night
aloft the ocean opalescent blue
over verdurous green mountains
drenched with dewy balm
their sieg heiling rose like a new anthem
distracting themselves and the irish people
from imminent damnation
oh everybody sieg heiled
it was all such fun
everybody suddenly burst out sieg heiling
their sieg heiling will never be done

are you a principled thinker

 Take this fun Heelers Diaries quiz to find out...

Question 1: When the FBI raided former President Donald Trump's home on Monday with at least thirty agents swarming the property and a motorcade of police vehicles converging outside in addition to helicopters hovering overhead (where else would they hover, in the rosebushes, the swimming pool?) and purportedly additional reinforcements approaching by sea, all under the watchful eyes of trusty CNN cameramen with high security clearance who had been usefully tipped off that the raid was about to happen so that it could be broadcast live on air, was the intention...

(A) To criminalise President Trump in the eyes of the public.

(B) To stop President Trump using illegally retained nuclear codes on his mobile phone to blow up the world.

(C) To counteract the catastrophic effect on current President Joe Biden's public standing caused by President Biden's deliberate importation of a new Demmycrat voting proletariat via the systemic collapse of immigration law, along with his attempts to ruin the oil industry through pseudo environmentalist "Green" prohibitions on energy independence, and his gambit to risk runaway inflation while borrowing immeasurable billions of dollars to create a new leftist voting bloc via mass hirings in the civil service and lunatic spending programmes on  white elephant style public works.

(D) All of the above.

HOW DID YOU RATE?

Mostly A's: You are a principled thinker. Well duhhhhhhhhhh.

Mostly B's: You're the head of the FBI or President Joe Biden or any demmycrat.

Mostly C's: You're me.

Mostly D's: You are a relativist.

tryst with an old flame

 

A copy of a newspaper styled the Irish Independent on a cafe table.

I glance towards it warily.

How long has it been?

Yonks.

It must be years since I've read any of their atheistic abortionist contraceptivist hedonistic anti Catholic maunderings.

Well why not browse through it today over a cup of tea?

What harm can it do?

I pick it up and begin a browsing.

An article on the inside page by one Frank Coughlan (two Frank Coughlans would be excessive even for the Indescuzzdent) lays out the case for a reassessment of some of the supposed hate figures of Irish history.

His main preoccupation is with the seventeenth century English ruler Cromwell whose reputation he says is being rehabilitated somewhat by the author of a new book. In setting his scene for considering the newly published book about Cromwell, Mr Coughlan mentions other historical villains too.

Most notably by his absence from Mr Coughlan's eclectic list of baddies supposedly held in low esteem by the people of Ireland, is William Martin Murphy former proprietor of the Irish Independent  newspaper itself and founder of the Sunday Independent edition, who in the early years of the twentieth century famously attempted to organise the employers of Dublin to starve out the city's working men in what became known as the 1913 Lockout.

No mention of him from the great Coughlan.

Shume mishtake shurely.

But I found it hilarious reading the article's list of traditional Irish villains as enumerated by Mr Coughlan and realising I knew nothing about any of them except for Cromwell and of course except for the one Mr Coughlan deliberately omitted because at the height of what may have been crimes against humanity he was the owner of the very newspaper Mr Coughlan works for today.

The article also contained a fairly standard yawn inducing Indo sideswipe at the ancient beautiful and true Catholic Church when Mr Coughlan urged his readers to bear in mind that while Cromwell was committing his depredations in Ireland, "Catholics were butchering Protestants all over Europe."

Really?

I haven't heard this contrived excuse for Cromwell's massacres before. It seems untrue to me as a general assertion and frivolous as an explanation for anything Cromwell did.

For the record the British state of the 1600s uner Cromwell and others, was inimically disposed towards Lutherans and Lollards as well as Catholics and did not regard itself as Protestant at all.

So it is unlikely that Mr Cromwell was in any way motivated by Mr Coughlans casual assertion that Lutherans and Lollards were being persecuted by Catholics in other jurisdictions.

Still opinions will differ I suppose.

I turn the page.

There is an article about Dillon Quirke a 24 year old star hurling player who a few days ago dropped dead on the pitch.

I read the article very closely.

There is no mention of Covid 19 vaccines in it.

(Heelers note: A few days later the same newspaper will carry a two page report on the star hurler's funeral. Again there will be no mention of the vaccines which are killing and maiming people all over the world. In the last two lines of the funeral article there is mention of the hurler having a bout of myerdarditis when he was a child with the clear implication that this is probably what killed him as a 24 year old adult star athlete. No need to even consider the vaccines, eh Indo?)

I turn the page.

And lo!

My eyes widen.

Not with surprise exactly but with that emotion of experiencing a new low in abjectly manipulative pseudo journalism.

Anthrax Outbreak In Siberia Being Attributed To Climate Change.

I slowly fold the inaptly named Irish Independent and place it back on an adjoining cafe table.

They have delighted me enough for one lifetime.

uncle jayums sorts it out

 (the problem page where you the readers get to offer your own solutions to daily life conundrums tackled by our resident expert in eveything)

Evening in the heartland.

The air dry and humid.

I wandered into a neighbour's house.

A raucous enough group met my gaze.

There was a game of cards in session with all generations taking part: a Granny who happens to be a Bridge Grand Master but is not too proud to play to win with the kiddies; her daughter who is a scientist and has inherited the Granny's competitiveness gene, also a teenager, the teenagers parents who are a banker and social worker respectively, and a bunch of younger kids for whose entertainment at least theoretically, the game was being played.

The game in case you know it, was Knock, where each player gets seven cards and is allowed to lay down their cards by turns going round the table one by one.

The card you lay down must be the same suit, diamonds say or clubs or whatever the suit is, of the last card that was played.

The exception here is that if you have a card with the same number or court face as a card that has just been played, you can play it even if it is a different suit. That is to say, you can play a Ten of Hearts on a Ten of Spades, or a Three of Diamonds on a Three of Clubs, or a Queen of Hearts on a Queen of Spades.

If you can't play a card, you must pick up one.

If you have a Seven or a Jack you don't have to follow suit, as these cards are changers and allow you to nominate a new suit.

If someone next to you plays a Two, you have to pick up two cards unless you have a two. If you have a Two and play it on a two played before you, the player after you has to pick up four cards unless he has a two in which case the player after him has to pick up six cards and so on.

If someone plays an Eight, the player after them misses a turn.

The object of the game is to lay down all your cards.

If you have only two cards left, and you are about to lay one down, you must say: "Knock knock."

Failure to do this means you pick up two cards.

Each card has a numerical value so when a player gets rid of all his cards, the others tot up the value of the cards they have been stuck with.

If your points total exceeds a hundred you are out.

When I got there a controversy was in sway.

It emerged that the teenager, the banker, the social worker, and the younger kids had all been knocked out.

Only the Bridge Grand Master (the Granny) and the Scientist (mother of the little kids) were still in the running.

The controversy emerged arising from a rule that did not exist when I played Knock.

The rule I was not familiar with stipulated that if a person plays an Ace, the direction of play around the table immediately reverses. If play was going clockwise, it now goes anti clockwise. A player on whom an Ace is played will thus miss a go as when an Eight is played.

In the opening mooments of what looked like being the final game, the Scientist had now played two Eights in a row on the Bridge Grand Master. Then without pause she had played two Aces and maintained that this meant the Bridge Grand Master should miss her first four goes in what was likely to be the final round.

The Bridge Grand Master's tally was 85 points and the scientist stood at 75. Whoever's cumulative total reached the hundred as calculated on card values left in their hands in this round would be the loser.

The Bridge Grand Master was arguing that Aces merely change the direction of play and do not cause anyone to miss a go in the way an Eight does.

The Scientist maintained that changing the direction of play in a two man game meant the other player missed a go.

A hush fell on the raucous assembly as the Granny and her daughter argued the toss.

So gentle travellers of the internet what would you advise, if you were Uncle Jayums?

The playing of two Eights causing the Granny to miss two turns, one after the other is perfectly fine. But do Aces which formally change the dirction of play amount to Eights or do they merely mean that the direction of play, right to left say, which is purely notional in a two man game, switiches to left to right, and no turn is missed?

Take a minute to ponder this vital issue before I share my ruling...

(******Intermission*******

The music from the Virginian plays.

Ner ner nerdle ner ner.

Nerdle ner

Nerdle ner

Nerdle nerdle ner ner

Ner ner ner

Ner ner ner ner ner

Nerdle nerdle ner

Nerdle nerdle ner

Nerdle ner ner

Nerrrrrrrrrrrrr

Nerdle ner ner

Nerrrrrrrrrrrr"

********End of Intermission*******)

 

And we're back.

Heelers Judgement:

My decision was that all an Ace did was to notionally change the direction of play around the table. It did not formally cause a player to miss a go as an Eight does although with more than two people playing, missing a turn would result. In a two player game the notion of changing the direction of play is irrelevant. Therefore the Ace should have no effect.

And what did the players actually decide?

They decided to ignore my judgement and to consider that the Ace caused a missed turn for the Bridge Grand Master. The Scientist therefore got four extra chances to lay down cards. The Bridge Grand Master still won the game, although the scientist was not over the hundred total at the end of that round and two more rounds were necessary before the game concluded with the Bridge Grand Master the clear winner.

The moral of the story:

They rear Grannies tough in the heartland.