The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Saturday, June 11, 2016

star bores scene three

Luke and Darth Vader are having a dramatic light sabre duel. They battle back and forth. Suddenly their swords are locked together. Luke and Vader are wrestling face to face. Luke hears a strange disembodied ethereal voice. It is the ghost of Obi Wan Kenobi.

Obi Wan Kenobi: Lu-u-u-ke. Trust in the Force. Give him a root in the ba-w-w-w-ls.

Luke: (Excited) Ben! Ben! Is that you?

(Darth Vader gives Luke a root in the bawls. Sound FX: Vunnchhhh.)

Darth Vader: Great idea. Thanks for very much.

(Luke keels over clutching his cules.)

Friday, June 10, 2016

star bores scene two

Scene: Obi Wan Kenobi (Ben) is discussing matters with the young Luke Thighstalker.

Ben: Darth Vader was my most promising student. And my greatest failure.

Luke: In what way?

Ben: He became consumed by the Dark Side of the Force.

Luke: You mean it ate him?

Ben: (Like Captain Mainwaring) Stupid boy. No. He became morbidly obsessed with it. Couldn't talk about anything else. It was 'Dark Side of the Force this, Dark Side of the Force that, here a Dark Side, there a Dark Side, everywhere a Dark Side, old McDonald had a Dark Side, Eee, eye, eee, eye, ohhh.

Luke: Oh.

Ben: It was very annoying.

Thursday, June 09, 2016

star bores scene one

Reveal camera shot: Darth Vader is standing alone on the gantryway of one of his Star Cruisers. He is silhouetted dramatically enough by an interesting lighting scheme.
Enter an underling wearing typical underling uniform. He is a Corporal of some sort.

Corporal Baines: (Officiously) Lord Vader!

(Darth Vader turns.)

Darth Vader: Yes-s-s-s-s.

Corporal: (proffering a tray) Cuppa tea?

Darth Vader: Thank you. Don't mind if I do-o-o-o.

(Standard stage business with Darth Vader banging the tea cup off his face visor.)

Wednesday, June 08, 2016

considerations of the pro life movement in ireland

There have been concerns recently about the extent to which the Pro Life movement in Ireland has been run by the IRA mafia as a means of disupting main stream political parties.
The IRA and its proxies in parliament Sinn Fein are advocates of abortion but this doesn't seem to have presented them with any moral quandries in setting up or infiltrating Pro Life groups in order to embarrass their electoral competitors.
My own information on this matter is as follows.
I spent a few Fridays over a six month period protesting against the legalisation of the killing of unborn children through abortion outside the office of Fine Gael parliamentarian Martin Heydon.
On the picket line with me was an attractive blonde haired mother of ten children.
She was identified to me as the sister in law of a priest called Father Ruairi O'Domhnaill.
I have no idea if she was genuinely married to O'Domhnaill's brother.
O'Domhnaill himself had spoken to me about being from an IRA family with very high connections in the organisation.
Several members of O'Domhnaill's entourage at the time in the town of Newbridge (who had prevailed upon me to join a prayer group over which he presided) had spoken to me of their own similar IRA Sinn Fein "sympathies."
Outside Martin Heydon's office, the blonde haired woman was joined on the picket line by a goodly number of her children.
Bright and shining and innocent.
And everyone of them an Untersturmbannfuhrer for the Rah, as I thought to myself somewhat ruefully later on.
I am content that the picket outside Martin Heydon's office was substantially manipulated by people with direct links to, (or "sympathies" for) the IRA.
I don't like being used.
I'd like to take this opportunity to apologise to Martin Heydon for allowing these scoundrels to associate with me in their feeble attempts to inconvenience him.
Furthermore I would counsel the general public to exercise caution in supporting any supposedly Pro Life group in Ireland.
I would point out to you that the supposedly anti abortion group Youth Defence appears to have direct links to people involved with the IRA splinter group styled Republican Sinn Fein. The founder of Youth Defence Niamh Ni Mhathuna, (now known as Niamh Ui Bhriain) comes from a family with direct ties to Republican Sinn Fein.
More troublingly Niamh Ui Bhriain's relatives seem to have enjoyed a relationship with a now deceased character known as Nora Bean Ui Chribin. Nora Bean Ui Chribin received posthumous notoriety when the Irish Independent newspaper alleged she had lobbied a Judge to prevent children being taken into care in the Roscommon House Of Horrors case.
The children were being routinely tortured and raped by their parents.
Bean Ui Chribin's supposed lobbying of a Judge to prevent the children being rescued, does not explain the lack of action by Judges, police and social workers for ten years, but it is the visible end of an extensive conspiracy, to wit the IRA using its rat lines in the Judiciary, police and civil service, to help IRA child murderers and abusers evade justice.
The Irish Independent and the Irish Times newspapers chose to label Bean Ui Chribin a Catholic activist, but any supposedly Catholic group of which she was a part was self styled and had received no sanction from the official church.
That is to say it wasn't Catholic.
It was IRA.
The Irish Independent and the Irish Times were reluctant to bring Bean Ui Chribin's subversive IRA connections (one of her sons served time for IRA activities) into the public domain.
They chose to falsely label her Catholic because it suited their own anti Catholic agenda, to associate such a character with the ancient church.
The truth will out.
The only further aspect of the situation which I want you to consider vis a vis possible IRA infiltration and control of Pro Life groups in Ireland, arises from the murder by satanist Lorcan Bale of a seven year old boy called John Horgan in the attic of the Bale family home in Dublin in 1973.
Bale crucified the little boy.
Then the cover up began.
Bale was given a new identity and set loose in Britain: Bale's family were given new identites and relocated within Ireland; The coroner's court was repeatedly adjourned whenever the case came up over a thirty year period to prevent details leaking out; And the Irish Independent falsely reported the little boy's death as an accident.
For the Irish speaking Bale family to get away with a devil worship killing required an extensive conspiracy.
I suggest this conspiracy to assist a devil worshipper in evading justice can only have arisen through the use of the IRA's aforementioned rat lines in the media, Judiciary, civil service and whatever.
Other incidental points to note.
Lorcan Bale's father was a former colleague of one Cathal Goan in the Civil Service.
Cathal Goan became head of  the State broadcaster RTE and the Irish language channel TG4 both of which are parties to the ongoing cover up of Lorcan Bale's murder of John Horgan.
In the early 1970's Lorcan Bale's father was also prominent in prayer group circles and in the Pro Life movement in Ireland.
This is what we are up against.

i say it here it comes out there

Commentator John Cooney, writing in the Sunday Times, has excerpted this blog, without permission or attribution, to describe the INLA as "a left wing terrorist group that has mutated into a full time drug dealing mafia."
I say it here, it comes out there.
Welcome to the party John.

Monday, June 06, 2016

our television listings

(Ireland's State run television company financed by compulsory taxation on the peasantry and run by IRA leftist atheistic abortionists against the bomb (I mean I don't want to go casting no aspoyshuns) so that government by the Bolshevicks, for the Bolshevicks and of the Bolshevicks shall not pass from this earth. We're all farm animals keeping these skangers in new BMW's. Seriously though. They're doing a wonderful job.)

9.00 Archie and Hutch. Remake of 1970's cop show with a modern twist. Archbishop Diarmuid Martin starts a second career as a New York police officer and is paired with psycho gangster Shiteface Hutch. The fun starts when they get a tip off from the new Huggy Bear character, a South American socialist called Huggie Pope. that the Catholic church is being hijacked by Bolshevick Jesuits who've gone rogue. Far fetched. But some likeable cameos.
10.00 Murder She Wrote. Jessica is arrested after Sheriff  Teasle realises that everywhere she's been for the past twenty years, there is at least one murder per week... An RTE interviewer actually tried to use this joke on the actress Angela Lansbury when she was in Ireland a few months ago. The RTE interviewer said: "Angela I've been told to be careful because every where you go there is at least one murder a week." Well folks. Now I know how Eddie Murphy feels when white folks (not Gerry Adams obviously) come out of his stage shows and try to tell his jokes to their friends at home. As Eddie puts it: "Don't you all go out there saying: He's so funny. He said: The black man has a big d-ck. It was hilarious. Just you all leave that sh-t alone." Still kind of reassuring that I still have readers in RTE. Wouldn't it be fun if some of the plagiaristic schlubbs were so influenced by me that instead of lifting and destroying my endlessly recurring joke about Angela Lansbury, they might actually defend the life of the unborn child, or oppose Jihad, or advocate the duty of all human beings to turn to God, or express an honest opinion about anything that wasn't formulated for them first by a secret brotherhood of evil! We live in hope.
11.00 Friends. Rachel marries Brad Pitt but he leaves her for Angelina Jolie who then mutilates herself because some idiot doctor told her she might get cancer. These people need to go to church.
12.00 Midday News. Read by Joe Stalin.
1.00 Ramadan Meditiations. I'm not joking. RTE is broadcasting these. They love the smell of Islam in the morning.
2.00 Judge Jihadi. New Muslim friendly version of Judge Judy.
3.00 The Bourne Identity. Film. Secret agent Jason Bourne finds himself working as an Irish Judge giving get out of jail free cards to IRA gang bangers. The plot concerns his attempts to regain his memory and to figure out why the Irish have handed over their country to the blah, blah, blah.
6.00 The Anschluss. Nightly celebration of Ireland's union with the Caliphate.
7.00 Current Affairs With Miriam O'Callaghan. Investigative journalism at its leggiest. She just keeps waving them in the camera. It's like aversion therapy. And have you seen the character on TV3, trying to do the exact same thing? Same intonation, same faux piety, same Kenny Everett style thunder thighs. At least Kenny Everett was funny. Mercy. Please. Tonight's instalment probes the corrupt commissioning process for programme making at RTE and examines how a high profile presenter can effectively double job by gettting paid to work full time at RTE while her husband charges RTE for programmes featuring her but made by his independent production company, and then how when the scam runs out of steam, that same husband can get a job in RTE as commissioning editor for new programming.
9.00 Evening News. Read by Chairman Mao. Round up of the day's general strikes involving 150 tram drivers holding the country to ransom and the latest court decisions releasing mobsters onto our streets.
10.00 UEFA Football Live. Commentators John Giles and Eamon Dunphy examine hoodlum Fifa chief Sepp Blatter's ongoing attempts to evade justice. There will be coverage of actual football games complete with Jihadi attacks if there's time.
11.00 The James Healy Comedy Hour. Featuring my excellent impressions of John Giles and Eamon Dunphy. I knew Eamon Dunphy's daughter Maia years ago. I mean I was in a play with her once. She was absolutely luminous.
12.00 Midnight Closedown. They'll never close down. Not while we're paying their bills.

the IRA sinn fein pantomime

Martin McGuinness: (Standing centre stage) "Sinn Fein is not some sort of cult."

Audience: "Oh yes it is."

Martin McGuinness: "Oh no it isn't."

Audience: "Oh yes it is."

(Enter Gerry Adams dressed as the Widow Twanky carrying an M16. He begins to machine gun the crowd.)

Gerry Adams: (Singing) "I'm a soul man. Doo doo doo doo. Doo doo doo doo. A soul man."

Sunday, June 05, 2016

today they said

Gerry Adams (leader of the IRA mafia): "I've never felt white."

James Healy: "Having your hands red with blood doesn't count Gerry."


Mr Adams' soul bearing followed his own statement via internet that a character in a Tarantino film was like "a Ballymurphy n-gg-r." Mr Adams appears to have used the racially sensitive term as an attention getting device in claiming kinship with the sufferings of black people rather than as a result of any racist disposition.