The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Saturday, July 31, 2010

greatest scandals of a newspaper called the leinster leader

Some years ago as a reporter it was my privilege to attend a public reception for a boxing champion in the dulcet unspoilt hamlet of Athy, murder capital of South Kildare.
Also in attendance were two of Ireland's most senior trade union officials, leading lights of the Irish Transport and General Workers Union.
Both these gentlemen were called Michael and referred to each other as they conversed as Michael.
It was Michael this, Michael that, and oh yeah Michael the other.
The effect was most curious.
There were several physical resemblances between the two trade unionists which added to their comic personas.
They both wore black suits and white shirts.
They both had silly greying trade uniony moustaches, one a Hitler, the other a handlebar.
They each had a grandiose self satisfied plush bottomed plummy verily invincible working class Dublin accent.
The two Michaels together put me in mind of nothing so much as a pair of bumbling CIA agents in some appeaserish Hollywood propaganda film for Al Qaeda.
Still I could not think ill of them.
I found the way they used each other's name in conversation added remarkably to the gaiety of nations.
The world has too much sadness in it for us not to occasionally applaud those who were born to make us smile.
At some point in the evening one of the Michaels approached me.
"Well young lad," said Michael importantly, "what newspaper are you with?"
"I'm with the Leinster Leader," I told him.
The effect was instantanous.
He began to cry out: "Michael, hey Michael," signalling to the Michael across the room.
His friend hove westwards.
"What is it Michael?" said the other Michael on arrival.
"Michael, this young lad works for the Leinster Leader," said Michael.
"So what Michael?" said Michael.
"Michael!," exclaimed Michael. "Do you not remember? The Leinster Leader? The court case? A few years back. The editor asked a journalist to do a story for him and the journalist punched the editor in the face. Wah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha... Do a story for me on that please... Bam. Wah, ha, ha, ha, ha..."
"Wah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha," guffawed his friend agreeably.
I let them finish.
When the dust settled I spoke gently.
"It is reassuring," I said in a voice dry and droll as ditch water, "to see the trade union movement keeping such a close eye on the provincial press."

Friday, July 30, 2010

fifty billion dollars worth of journalism

Questions That You Won't Hear On CNN or Sky News...
A Japanese oil tanker was caught in an explosion at an Arabian sea port last week.
Authorities from the United Arab Emirates, in whose waters the incident occurred, claimed that there had been a gas explosion on the ship.
Film footage of the hull of the Japanese ship shows a large inward dent in the ironwork.
This indicates fairly conclusively that the explosion occurred outside the vessel.
Japanese news channels asserted that all interior damage to the ship showed a similar pattern.
Material and detritus inside the ship had been blown inwards by an explosion from outside.
There was no evidence of fragments from the ship being dispersed outward as would happen if the detonation had occurred somewhere on board.
The United Arab Emirates authorities later suggested that the ship had collided with another vessel.
The Japanese insist that no collision took place and that all evidence at the scene points to an explosion directed against the oil tanker.
Japanese reporters noted that the ship contained no internal gas supply or gas powered items.
You could be forgiven gentle readers for being unaware of the above information.
None of the main western news organisations gave it any prominence whatsoever.
But it is a cosmically important news story.
Listen folks.
Here is the news.
The explosion against the hull of a Japanese tanker in a United Arab Emirates sea port on Thursday, was an Al Qaeda terrorist attack.
Al Qaeda is now targeting oil tankers with a view to creating environmental disasters.
Al Qaeda was attempting to create an oil spillage by detonating explosives off the Japanese ship's hull.
There is no mystery.
It is clear that since Al Qaeda is trying to create environmental disasters while preserving for itself plausible deniability, we must ask ourselves whether any other environmental disasters have occurred recently in unexplained circumstances.
And lo!
Three months ago a British Petroleum oil rig was blown to kingdom come in the gulf of Mexico, precipitating one of the greatest oil spills ever.
And a month ago a mysterious explosion at an oil facility in China caused a slightly smaller, but serious enough, oil spill there.
And a month ago in Russia there was a huge "unexplained" explosion at a hydrolectric dam which killed at least 60 people.
What have American and China and Russia got in common?
Al Qaeda muslims are at war with all of them.
Bear this in mind.
Al Qaeda is no longer looking for the credit for every bit of chaos or for every mass murder it engineers.
Al Qaeda hasn't exactly enjoyed the sensation of getting its arse kicked by the American army all around Afghanistan and Iraq this past ten years.
And Al Qaeda is cognisant that there's always the risk the Americans will get rid of their present Clown In Chief and elect another President of the calibre of George Bush.
One who actually works for a living.
So Al Qaeda has learned.
When creating environmental disasters for the west or inflicting mass murder on humanity it is safer to do so by proxy.
Much safer than actually taking credit for its own vileness and thereby exposing itself to retribution.
I have seen no list of the names of the eleven people killed in the explosion at the British Petroleum oil rig in the gulf of Mexico.
I want to see those names because I want to know if there were muslims on board.
I want to know if investigators have identified any potential security risk among the staff on board that rig, the ones who were killed and the ones who survived, and among other staff, that is anyone in British Petroleum with a knowledge of the rig's logistics and location and/or access to same.
I want to know if investigators have bothered looking for such security risks.
I want to know if investigators have yet identified the precise cause of the explosion.
I want to know where exactly the explosion occurred.
And finally and most importantly.
Was the explosion on British Petroleum's oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico caused by Al Qaeda saboteurs?
Or was it just an unexplained external explosion?
Those are questions you'll never hear on CNN or Sky News or NBC, or CBS, or ABC, or Channel Four, or the BBC, or in the pages of the Guardian, the New York Times, the Washington Post, the Irish Times et al. (Particularly Al. He's useless.)
And let's face it, Barack Obama's homeland security apparatus is probably never going to go looking for a terrorist connection.
That's not the sort of thing Barack's people are interested in.
Remember the Fort Hood massacre?
The blood of the victims wasn't yet dry before Barack's people were telling us that an Al Qaeda murderer called Hassan Malik slaughtered more than a dozen soldiers and an unborn baby at a military base because poor little Hassan Malik had post traumatic stress disorder.
Remember the Al Qaeda attempt to blow up Times Square?
The Muslims wanted to avenge themselves on a cartoon called South Park which they didn't like and whose distributor Viacom has offices at Times Square.
As part of a damage limitation exercise Barack's people were telling us the night of that mass murder attempt (thankfully unsuccessful) that the bomber was a white man.
Mayor Bloomberg of New York went on air to inform us that the bomb was "amateurish," ie not up to the usual high standards Mayor Bloomberg expects from Islamist bombs.
Bloomberg also reiterated the nonsense lie that the police were looking for a white man.
Ain't nobody ever called Al Qaeda assassin Faisal Islam white before.
He's been called many things by many people.
But not white.
And so it goes on.
Al Qaeda is benefiting from the vapid posturings of an appeaserish hippy president to retrench and restrategise for its long war.
Barack's draw down of troops in Iraq and his announcement of a withdrawal timetable, has allowed Al Qaeda and its Iranian associates, to refocus their attentions on Afghanistan.
Barack's release of terrorists from Guantanamo Bay has allowed Al Qaeda to reclaim its best operatives.
Barack's dithering over the allocation of extra troops for Afghanistan has given Al Qaeda a sure sense of his weakness and a real scent of victory.
You know my analysis.
Al Qaeda bombed that Japanese tanker last week.
Al Qaeda has been bombing hydroelectric dams in Russia.
There is a significant possibility Al Qaeda bombed the British Petroleum oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico along with the oil facilities in southern China.
Al Qaeda is without doubt attempting to instigate environmental disasters as a new part of its ongoing strategy.
The Second World Jihad War is at hand.
Footnote: As we go to press, news has broken of another attack on a hydrolectric facility in Russia. This time Al Qaeda came out into the open. Two Muslim attackers were killed by Russian security personnel.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

alice in muslimland

Teenage British Prime Minister David Cameron has been through the looking glass and down the rabbit hole this week.
He's solid gone.
And it's a stone groove.
Well you know what I mean.
Firstly he has spoken out to say he favours the accession of Turkey to full European Union membership.
Yeah Dave.
That's a real principled conservative stand you're making there.
I mean who wouldn't want an extra 80 million muslims in Europe?
That's just what we need to really get this party started.
One of my correspondents on hearing Cameron's latest cretinism, emailed me yesterday to say: "We're screwed."
But we're not screwed.
Just incredibly poorly led.
The Muslim Al Qaeda terrrorists seeking to colonise Europe will not gain victory through David Cameron.
They'll just be emboldened by him.
The surrender of Europe is not in David Cameron's gift.
Europe is not his to give away.
Neither is Britain for that matter.
Are you getting all this, Dave?
Having become quite a popular sensation with the Islamist anti Israeli pro Iranian Turkish government of Recip Tayip Erdogon, Teenage Prime Minister David Cameron jetted off to India.
In India he favoured us with a few more morsels of his expertise regarding Muslim nations.
To wit, he pronounced that India's neighbour Pakistan would not be permitted to express opposition to the Taliban one moment while actively supporting them the next.
An honorable enough statement on the face of it.
David mentioned a host of fiddly little Muslim terror groups operating out of Pakistan.
David didn't mention Al Qaeda.
Clearly David doesn't like to upset people.
Al Qaeda is so... so... so 2001, isn't it Dave?
In truth Al Qaeda pulls all the strings attached to the Jihad boys David was expressing slack jawed concern about.
From Lashkar Y Taiba to the Taliban, they're all just a cover for Osama and Company.
You gotta say it Dave.
They're called Al Qaeda.
And they're comin to git ya.
David Cameron's comment about Pakistan was well intended.
It was not nearly as crassly incompetent or flagrantly wrong minded as his remarks about Turkey.
It was only moderately incompetent.
And just a tad wrong minded.
Pakistan's government is led by a decent Prime Minister who is the widower of Benazir Bhutto, herself people's champion murdered by Al Qaeda to prevent her winning a Pakistani general election.
Those who had the most to gain from Benazir's murder were Al Qaeda itself and Pakistani Islamist politicians such as Nahwaz Sharif and the former cricketer Imran Khan.
My opinion has always been that Nahwaz Sharif and Imran Khan were party to the murder of Benazir.
Simply because they could never under any circumstances have defeated her in an election.
Nahwaz Sharif and Imran Khan along with their ally the Islamist Supreme Court Judge Ithikar Chowdrey and the Pakistani secret service (ISI), all of these are certainly capable, as David Cameron suggests, of speaking against the Taliban one moment, while doing everything they can to help the Taliban the next.
But Nahwaz Sharif and Imran Khan and Judge Chowdrey and the Pakistani secret service are not the elected government of Pakistan.
Ah Dave.
You may insult at your leisure Nahwaz, Imran, Judge Chowdrey and the ISI.
By all means. Go right ahead.
But bear in mind that they are Islamists who do not represent the people of Pakistan.
You see a significant percentage of the people of Pakistan when given the chance, have consistently voted for civilised politicians who advocate freedom and partnership with the West.
Despite the decades long infliction of mayhem on Pakistan by Al Qaeda and its allies in the Pakistani secret service, the people of Pakistan continue to vote for the Bhuttos, seeking a better life for themselves and partnership with the world.
Al Qaeda has singularly failed in its massive campaign of street bombings to stampede the people of Pakistan into fascism.
These are tricky issues Dave.
Don't get me wrong.
I wouldn't let a single Pakistani Muslim immigrate into Europe.
That game is over.
The fascist Al Qaeda terror army which is being generated by the dysfunctions in Muslim culture worldwide will not be permitted to infiltrate the west.
Maybe we'll allow immigration again when Islamic fascism has been defeated.
But I would recognise that there are many decent people in the government of Pakistan and in the general populace.
They deserve to be recognised Dave.
Not handed European passports, mind.
You need to make it clear that you're supporting them, even as you insist they destroy the power of the Pakistani secret service and all other Islamist terrorists lurking in the upper ranks of Pakistani society.
As for you and the British Conservative Party...
We're a long way from Maggie and Winston, aren't we Dave?
I don't despair Dave, unlike my very well informed email correspondent who knows just how strong the case for despair is.
I don't despair Dave.
I remember the Conservative Party was led by one Neville Chamberlain at the beginning of World War Two.
Thankfully he didn't last long.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

coo blimey

Dove and Dover, my ring necked doves relaxing at the Chateau.

hot cross bunnies

The Irish Red Cross organisation receives at least a million dollars from the Irish government each year.
The Irish Red Cross organisation is at present taking a court action seeking to compel an internet service provider to identify an anonymous blogger.
The Irish Red Cross is using donations provided to it by our government, funds intended to alleviate human suffering, for the purposes of silencing an anonymous critic.
The anonymous critic who uses the blogger system has highlighted shortfalls in the Red Cross accounts involving hundreds of thousands of dollars.
And the Red Cross wants to shut him up.
Any which way it can.
I expect the liberal judges of the Irish courts system to back the Red Cross in this venal and vile attempt to stifle the growing culture of free speech on the internet.
This a preemptive strike, a test strike, by Ireland's liberal dictorship against internet free speech in Ireland.
If they can silence a humble anonymous critic of the Red Cross, they will then come after the rest of us.
Up to the present day, the elite cadres who have subsumed power to themselves in Europe, who rule us really, have been able to insulate themselves from virtually all serious criticism through an artificially imposed monopoly on discourse.
Look around you.
Television stations are mostly state run and controlled by liberal left wing atheists.
Newspapers are either blatently Bolshevick or surreptitiously Bolshevick.
All of them traffic in the same bland sex culture, atheism culture, anti Catholic culture and pleasure culture. 
Most of  them spring from a mindset marked and defined by an odiously dishonorable left wing Marxian orthodoxy. This category applies to The New York Times, the Washington Post, Time Magazine, Newsweek, The Guardian, The Observer, The Times of London, Le Monde, and many others.
Radio broadcasting in Europe and Ireland is more tightly controlled than its equivalent was in Soviet Russia.
Get this.
Under the rulership of the British empire, the nationalists of Ireland who set up newspapers all over Ireland to oppose that same British empire, had more freedom to say whatever they liked, than radio stations have in Ireland today under rules of broadcasting drawn up by our supposedly freely elected democratically accountable Irish government.
I tell you again.
We are living in a liberal leftist atheistic dictatorship.
We are ruled from the shadows by faceless elites of the Civil Service, the Judiciary and their lickspittles in the Old Media. By media lickspittles, I am referring to the Bolshevick feminist abortionist Irish Times, to the atheistic Tony O'Reilly worshipping Independent Newspapers, and to the virulently anti Catholic broadcaster RTE.
These grand panjandrums of Civil Service, Judiciary and Old Media, have been licking their chops in anticipation of establishing control over the internet.
Their liberal leftist pseudo intellectual atheistic monopoly on discourse, ie on what is said, on what we say, on what we can say, has been shattered by the burgeoning culture of free speech on the internet.
People are turning to the bloggers when they want to know the truth.
Or when they want to hear an opinion that hasn't been titrated through the mindset of some Maoist apologist for Communist and Islamic mass murder at the Irish Times.
Or when they want to hear an assessment of events that isn't presented through the lenses of some drug addicted idolator at Independent Newspapers.
Or when they want to savour a debate that isn't gerrymandered in favour of atheistic liberals through the tortured mendaciousness of some fascist IRA supporting bitch in RTE.
I mean I don't want to go casting no aspersions.
The CNN's, the NBC's, the Guardians, the Johnston Presses (owners of the Leinster Leader from which I was fired three years ago), the Le Mondes, the Time Magazines, they're all melting away before our eyes.
They have built a house of straw.
We don't need them.
We never needed them.
And millions of us now know we don't need them.
The internet is self censoring.
Like the provincicial press in Ireland and Britain before the Johnston Press bought up all the provincial titles and turned them into a monolithically incompetent and unaccountable corporation.
Before the advent of the corporatists to the provincial newspaper scene, those of us who worked in the provincial press, had kicked the internet's arse.
Because our newspapers had a direct relationship with the public.
Because we knew our readers.
And they knew us.
Anyone able to name a journalist from the Leinster Leader today?
I thought not.
On the internet we live or perish by our merits.
The only web sites which attract any lasting attention are those which create a real relationship with their readers and provide a real service.
The sensationalist ones flare up and die quickly.
The leftist ones and celebrity ones which are shell sites for the Irish Times, The Guardian, CNN, Sky News, et al, (particularly Al, I hate him), are more and more seen for what they are and wilfully ignored by the general public.
The porno sites are also floundering as the human race returns to the God of the Hebrews and receives by his grace the power to repudiate lies and to speak the truth.
Here is the news.
The present attempt by the Irish Red Cross to reestablish control over commentary on the internet should be seen as arrantly egregious and foul.
The liberal judges will support them.
Because the liberal judges know free commentary and free speech threaten liberal elites in our society more than they threaten anything else.
We all should be aware of this Red Cross attempt to stifle commentary.
We all should oppose it.
Footnote: My own assessment of the Red Cross is as follows. The Red Cross is not a Christian organisation although it uses Christian symbols to mislead the public into thinking it is. The morality and ethos of the Red Cross is summed up clearly in the present Red Cross attempts to control what is said on the internet. If liberal leftist atheists can control what is said, they can control what is thought. I would remind you all gentle readers of the numerous archival photographs of Red Cross officials in smiling poses with Nazi soldiers during World War Two. I would also remind you of the actions of the head of the Red Cross in Germany in 1945. As the Allies closed in on Berlin, the head of the Red Cross in Germany called his wife and family around the dining table. Then he produced a grenade and pulled the pin. The head of the Red Cross in Germany preferred to die rather than live in a Germany not controlled by Hitler. Personally I wouldn't let these people control a toilet. Let alone control free speech on the internet. I urge you all to libel the Red Cross as freely and merrily as possible. The liberals need to understand that we will not accept any incursion of Statist control onto this new medium, certainly the first last bastion of free speech on the planet earth, and perhaps even the first last hope for the world.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

this sporting life

Evening at the Chateau De Healy.
Doctor Barn is in the kitchen doing a crossword.
Enter the noble Heelers, stage right, looking tired.
"What's up with you?" says Doctor Barn.
"The Rose of the Orient is over for the Hopkins poetry festival," I explain wearily.
"So?" quoth he.
"So I'm ferrying her around like a taximan," sez me.
"Why are you doing that?" quoth he.
"In return for sexual favours," sez me.
"Really?" quoth he.
"Yes," sez me, "I act as her personal chauffeur and in return as a favour she desists from pestering me to have sex her."

two scum in conversation by phone

Tony Hayward (Chairman of former oil giant BP): "So if we get the Lockerbie bomber released, you'll allow us to drill for oil off Libya?"
Colonel Muammer Gadaffi (Libyan leader): "Tony, Tony, Tony. Of course we will. If you can get my mass murdering agent Abdul Bertie Basset Al Magrahi released you can drill as much as you like... (Hangs up. Gadaffi now muses aloud to himself.) Of course if you find anything, we'll just nationalise the oil fields again. Nyah, ha, ha. You'll be just like Jack Welch of General Electric helping arm the Islamic Republic of Iran. You'll end up with nothing for selling your soul. Nyah ha. Nyah ha ha. Nyahh haah haah haaaah, Gee Force."

Monday, July 26, 2010

white washed sepulchres

Dropped around to the Dominican church in Newbridge this evening.
I arrived just as mass was ending.
The congregation was streaming from the door.
I stood to one side letting the people pass.
A grey haired countryman of wiry build stepped from the throng and stood along side me.
He might have been fifty years old.
"Look there," he cried jovially tugging my arm and indicating another man exiting. "That's the man we need playing football for Kildare."
The person he had indicated was Alan Dukes, former leader of Ireland's main opposition party Fine Gael.
Alan Dukes has recently accepted a job from Ireland's corrupt kleptocratic governing party Fianna Fail whereby Alan Dukes receives hundreds of thousands of dollars for giving faux bipartisan credibility to Fianna Fail's decision to force the Irish nation to bail out Fianna Fail's personal bank Anglo Irish Bank, which is the singlemost corrupt and indebted bank on the planet earth, and whose full net indebtedness and full list of multi million dollar thieving Fianna Fail supporting borrowers has yet to be revealed.
I kid you not.
Even the corrupt American giant Citibank during its recent collapse lost less money than Anglo Irish Bank.
That is to say Citibank lost less money than former Anglo Irish Bank chief Sean Fitzpatrick and his board members and his wife and members of the Fianna Fail party, stole from Anglo Irish Bank.
Sean Fitzpatrick is no longer head of Anglo Irish Bank.
He has not been arrested by the Irish police who are too busy summonsing me to court on charges trumped up by a corrupt scumbag in the Naas traffic division called Sergeant James D O'Mara, too busy summonsing me I say for the crime of allowing a light to break on my car, too busy facilitating James D O'Mara's thuggish clownish indolent vileness, too busy doing that to actually enforce the laws of the Republic of Ireland.
Here is the news.
Fianna Fail are spending Ireland into the third world in order to cover the thousands of millions of dollars stolen by Sean Fitzpatrick, his friends and his wife.
And Alan Dukes as the current Anglo Irish Bank chief is the propaganda tool enabling them to pull off this monstrous con under a veneer of bipartisanship and cross party solidarity.
The money Fianna Fail are paying Alan Dukes to help them fool the nation into paying Fianna Fail's gambling losses will ultimately entitle Alan Dukes to draw a third pension from the Republic of Ireland.
Just in case the other two pensions he gets as a former parliamentary idler weren't keeping him in the style to which he's become accustomed.
This is the Alan Dukes who had just exited Newbridge church before my eyes.
This was the Alan Dukes whom my sleeve tugging friend was trying to jolly me into greeting.
The same Alan Dukes who was caught up the mountains a decade ago philandering with his secretary.
The same Alan Dukes who a few weeks ago called on every Catholic Bishop in Ireland to resign.
Ah yes.
This beacon of probity and moral rectitude Alan Dukes.
It was unlikely I would have anything to say to him.
A mildly disdainful look flickered across the handsome features of Ireland's greatest living poet.
The wiry countryman who was jovially tugging at my sleeve while eulogising Alan Dukes supposed skills as a footballer player, was in all probability part of Alan Dukes entourage. (Such as it is.) A chauffeur maybe. Or a bodyguard.
Some of these people are a bit late getting the news.
Listen scruff.
I haven't worked for the useless loss making defunct vomitous Leinster Leader for three years.
I have no influence.
I am of no use to you.
Message ends.
I didn't say this to the gentleman tugging my arm.
I remained silent for another moment.
I looked from the wiry grey haired Dukes enthusiast to Dukes himself.
"I don't know what Alan Dukes is doing in a Catholic Church," I said evenly. "Since he hates Catholics so much."
The wiry fan took a step back.
"Sure isn't he entitled to be there the same as the rest of us?" he said turning away.
"Is he?" I murmured.
And I meant it to sting.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

purple hues


an open letter to general petraeus

You need to end the rules of engagement which are getting our soldiers killed on the battlefield by muslim scum who couldn't fight their way out of a wet paper bag.
You need to end the situation whereby muslim scum can saunter safely around the battlefield simply by shouldering a shovel and pretending to be farmers.
You need to end the minimum force and positive identification of weapons requirements which are preventing our soldiers from blowing the heads off muslim scum who are signalling to other muslim scum the location of our soldiers prior to detonating road side bombs.
You need to end the requirement whereby our soldiers are compelled to inform muslim scum prior to searching the houses of muslim scum.
You need to end the suicidal practice whereby our soldiers must inform corrupt muslim scum Afghan politicians before launching any major operations.
You need to end all the practices orchestrated by politically correct idiots who are forcing our soldiers to fight with both arms tied behind their backs.
You need to recognise that the current strategy being pursued by President Barack Obama is to lose the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, and then criminalise President Bush for bringing us in there in the first place.
General Petraeus you cannot keep asking our soldiers to spill their guts for a hippy President who has no intention of winning.
When you read this email, if what I've said seems true to you, then you have to take action.
It's time to shit or get off the toilet.
I hope you're feeling better after your bout of "faintness" before that recent congressional enquiry.