the secret life of pope francis the first

Pope Francis is greeting a row of special guests at the Vatican.
He comes to one distinguished looking gentleman in a black suit.
The Pope: "And who are you?"
Gentleman: "Yo Yo Ma."
Pope Francis leaps at the gentleman. The two fall to the ground in a combative clinch. There is much scuffling and kerfuffling.
Several dark suited aides intervene and separate them.
Pope Francis is still trying to get at his guest who looks nonplussed.
As the Pope struggles he mutters things like: "Y tu mama tambien," "I keel you gringo," and so on.
Among the dark suits, the Pope's personal secretary pleads with him to desist.
Personal Secretary: "What is it your Holiness? Why are you doing this?"
The Pope: "He insulted my mother. He did. He really did. He said: Your Mama."
Personal Secretary: "He said Yo Yo Ma, your Holiness. It's his name. He's a famous pianist."
Pope Francis calms down.
But as he walks away he looks back at Yo Yo Ma who clearly mouths "Your Mama," and the Pope runs back to him and the two fall to the ground fighting again.

(Cut to music segment with Wasp singing Mean Man.)

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If The Joke Needs An Explanation, It's Not A Good Joke: The above vignette was written in the year 2015 after a Muslim terrorist attack on the Charlie Hebdo newspaper offices in Paris. Pope Francis had issued what I regarded as an improperly ambiguous statement appearing to blame the victims of the Muslim attack who had, the Pope implied, brought their own murders on themselves by daring in print to criticise Islam the religion of Muslims. A dozen people had been massacred at the newspaper offices and additionally four Jewish people had been murdered in a related attack at a supermarket. The section of the Pope's statement which  in my view appeared to justify violence, noted that if the organiser of his Papal trips his good friend Doctor Alberto Gasparri insulted his (the Pope's) mother, "then a punch awaits him."

don't fear the bleepers

 

Flicking through the channels on the sexevision.

And lo!

What's this?

It is a 1970s music combo styling themselves the Blue Oyster Cult releasing a rehash of their greatest hit.

It's very catchy, the famous guitar riffs as eerie as ever.

The hipster songstrels catterwaul as follows:

"All our times have come.

Here what's lost is won

Seasons don't fear pharmaceutical corporations

Nor do the wind and the sun and the FDA

We should be like they are

Come on baby

Put on your face mask

You'll be able to fly

Don't fear the vaccines

Come on baby

Don't fear the vaccines

There are worse ways to die

Don't fear the vaccines

Baby take my hand

Don't fear the vaccines

Baby I'm your man

La la la la

Ner ner ner ner ner ner ner 

Ner ner

La la la la la

Nerdle ner ner ner

Nerrrrrrrrr

Nerdle ner ner ner ner

Valentino is done

Here what's lost is won

Canadian teen athlete Sean Hartman

And British BBC broadcaster Lisa Shaw

Are together in eternity

Sean Harman and Lisa Shaw

Forty thousand men and women everyday

Like Sean Hartman and Lisa Shaw

Reading their numbers

Another forty thousand men and women everyday

We can be like they are

Come on baby

Don't fear the vaccines

Another forty thousand men and women everyday

Losing their numbers

Come on baby

Another forty thousand men and women everyday

Bleeding their numbers

We can be like they are

Another forty thousand everyday

Taking their vaccines

We should be like they are

Don't fear the vaccines

Come on baby

Put on your facemask

You'll be able to fly

Come on baby

Don't fear Big Pharma

There are worse ways to die

Come on baby

Don't fear the vaccines

Baby take my hand

Don't fear Big Pharma

Baby I'm your man.

La la la la la la

La la la la la la

Ner ner nerdle ner ner ner ner ner ner ner ner

Ner ner ner ner

Ner ner ner

Dirdllllllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Ner ner ner ner ner

One and one is one

Here what's lost is won

Came a last night of sadness

And it was clear that she couldn't go on

Then the door was open and the wind appeared

The candles blew and then disappeared

The curtains flew and Albert Bourla CEO of Pfizer appeared

Singing don't be afraid

Come on baby

Don't fear the vaccines

Take my hand

Come on baby

Don't fear the Bourla

And she had no fear

And she ran to him

Don't fear the bleepers

They had started to fly

Then looked backward and saw

She had become like they are

She had taken his hand

She had become like they are

She was wearing a facemask

She had become like they are

She had accepted the lockdowns

She had become like they are

She was insisting on standing two metres from everyone else and deferring to government in every aspect of her personal health

Come on baby

She had become like they are

She had given up her right to bodily autonomy

Gulping down her vaccines

Don't fear Big Pharma

You'll be able to fly

Don't fear young athletes inexplicably dropping dead on the football pitch

There are worse ways to die

Ner nerdle nerdle ner

Ner nerdle nerdle ner

Ner ner ner ner ner ner ner

Nerdle nerdle ner

Nerdle nerdle ner

She had become like they are

She believed in climate change

She had become like they are

Don't fear the bleepers

She had taken his hand

She had become like they are

Don't fear the bleepers

Let CNN and the BBC do your thinking

Gulp down your vaccines

You'll be able to fly

Don't fear the Pfizer

Come on baby

Ingest your vaccines

There are worse ways to die

Ner ner nerdle ner ner.

Come on baby

Don't fear the rapers

Come on baby

You'll be able to fly"

The esoteric and occultish notions implicit in the original version notwithstanding, I quite like this song.

But it needed more cowbell.

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Footnote 1: The FDA or Food And Drug Administration is an American body charged with overseeing certain aspects of public health policy.