The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

My Photo
Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Thursday, June 15, 2017


The horses walk over and wait to be stroked.
They know by their very being that they praise the creator and they bring joy to his creation.
The sky touches the Wicklow mountains.
The wind whispers the good news.
This earthly amphitheatre of rock and scree and forest and rivers is a mighty cathedral of light and grace and hope and blessing.
The very air is holy.
I can almost hear the great black preacher Bishop George Bloomer proclaiming in his magnificent cadences:
"Satan will not define me. This is not the place of my defeat. This is the place where God has made me a king over the mountains."
And hours earlier back in the city Bainsy had leaned across the table and demanded: "What about evolution? What about Dawkins?"
And I had answered: "If evolution was true in the atheistic sense, our magnificent conversation, our weighing of ideas, our back and forth of mystique insight, everything we say and everything Mr Dawkins says would be nothing more than a herd of bullocks going Mooooooooooooooooo at each other in the twilight. Mr Dawkins doesn't even believe that himself."

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

the reverse take over of saint vincent's hospital by left wing atheistic abortionists against the bomb i mean i don't want to go casting no aspoyshuns

Some months ago the Sisters Of Charity, a venerable and ancient, much respected and much loved, order of nuns who have run Saint Vincent's hospital Dublin for generations, making it one of the most famous and respected hospitals in Europe, agreed to allow another hospital styled the National Maternity Hospital to be a part of their campus.
The National Maternity Hospital was controlled by anti life activists Doctor Rhona O'Mahony and her brother in law Doctor Peter Boylan along with several of their abortion advocating colleagues,
It should be noted that the National Maternity Hospital has as its patron the ultra leftist Archbishop of Dublin Diarmuid Martin who has imposed no vestige of a Christian ethos on its running, apparently content to let policy be defined by the atheistic abortion advocates he has employed there as doctors.
Under Archie's patronage, the National Maternity Hospital has been rigorously controlled by Rhona O'Mahony, her brother in law Peter Boylan, and several other doctors who were styled Masters of the hospital.
It was not a Christian hospital in action or ethos.
I would suggest that Rhona O'Mahony and her Brother In Law Peter Boylan had in fact turned it into something of a charnel house.
I would instance the still unexplained death of Syrian woman Malak Thawley on the operating table as a measure of the murderousness, competency, skills and ethos created by Rhona O'Mahony, her Brother in Law Peter Boylan and their colleagues at the National Maternity Hospital.
You all know I believe Malak Thawley's death was murder and that the official pattycake enquiry into it was a disgraceful piece of obfuscation.
Get this.
After the nuns who owned Saint Vincent's hospital had formally agreed to let the National Maternity Hospital be a part of Saint Vincent's campus, Peter Boylan began a media campaign (he claims at the behest of his Sister in Law Rhona O'Mahony who herself denies she put him up to it) to have the nuns excluded from the ownership and running of their own hospital.
Let me be clear about the parenthetical bit: Doctor Rhona O'Mahony denies her Brother in Law Doctor Peter Boylan's claim that she had asked him to begin lobbying to have the nuns removed from the ownership and running of their own hospital.
Between them it is.
Lovely people.
In multiple media outlets Peter Boylan claimed that the nuns should not be allowed to own their own hospital and that Saint Vincent's hospital should not be permitted to have a Christian ethos or any ethos coming from the nuns.
Peter Boylan expressed strong personal distaste for the Sisters Of Charity in general and for nuns in particular.
The nuns' hospital which as a favour to the Irish government had agreed to include Rhona O'Mahony and Peter Boylan's charnel house of a hospital on its campus, was now the subject of a smash and grab by this same Peter Boylan and Rhona O'Mahony.
You couldn't make it up.
Peter Boylan was assisted in his scurrilous publicity campaign to slander the Sisters Of Charity by the most anti Catholic media groups in Europe, namely the bankrupt Independent Newspapers group, the bankrupt Irish Times, and the bankrupt State owned broadcaster RTE.
It should be noted that although RTE is owned by the State, and financed through compulsory taxation on the citizenry, it is still as bankrupt as the other media groups and while government owned it is effectively controlled from the shadows by an unaccountable ultra left wing board of management and by a coterie of IRA mafia infiltrators who joined the staff from the 1960's onwards.
Any reference to the IRA in this assessment and ultra leftists in RTE in particular, would be incomplete without noting again that ultra leftist Archbishop Diarmuid Martin, the putative promoter of the influence of Rhona O'Mahony and Peter Boylan in Irish medicine, is a brother of the famously pro Soviet former Irish Times political correspondent Seamus Martin.
I ask you.
If Archbishop Diarmuid Martin is not a pro Soviet infiltrator of the Catholic Church, what the hell is he?
But I digress.
The upshot of Peter Boylan's campaign against the nuns owning the hospital they established and ran and made into the finest hospital in Europe for more than a hundred years, is that the nuns have been excluded from ownership and management of Saint Vincent's hospital.
A coterie of abortion advocates running a hind tit charnel house of a hospital having taken over Saint Vincent's.
Oh pale Peter Boylan.
How thou hast conquered.
A question for you.
Since you were so outraged that the nuns might impose any ethos on their own hospital.
Might I ask.
What ethos will you and your abortionist Sister in Law impose on Saint Vincent's hospital?
Where will your guiding principles come from?
Will it be as the bankrupt Irish Independent claims "international best practice," a meaningless essentially non existent concept on which no one agrees?
Or just whatever pops into your head or your atheistic abortionist Sister in Law's head on a given day?
No Peter Boylan.
Here's what I think.
Your ethos will be the ethos of the old devil worshipper Aleister Crowley.
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of your law.
And hell will follow with you.
I do not accept what you have done.

Monday, June 12, 2017

remembrance of padres past

"What's the parish priest's name?" wondered Uncle Thaddeus.
I pondered.
"You know," I said, "I can't think of it."
"You can't think of it!"
"Well you can't think of it either."
"I'm 85."
"Touche Uncle Thaddeus. Touche. But I'm fairly sure you're only 84."
"You really can't think of it?"
"It's the darndest thing. I know the last PP was Father Des Dupple. I know the one before that was Fr Michael Grufferty. I know the one before that was the late Father Dunlea. I know there was a padre here called Father Baines who was found dead in the bath."
"Was it suicide?"
"No. Just death. There was a nice liberal padre before him called Fr Braithwaite. He used to give sermons about the latest episode of The Incredible Hulk on TV. He ministered to Granny when she died. I remember he nearly passed peacefully out as she was going croakies. And he used to tell us more than we really wanted to know in some of his sermons. He once began a discourse by saying: 'I was deeply in love with a girl but she refused to marry me. She never changed her mind as you can see because I'm still here.' Classic."
"Whatever happened to him?"
"He left the priesthood to get married."
"Then there's Father Towers. He was parish priest in the 1980's. He's the one who was found dead at the side of the road."
"Natural causes?"
"Please, please, cannot answer question now. Suicide and blackmail, permit me say murder."
"Charlie Chan."
"Ah James."
"Sorry Uncle."
"So you can't remember the name of the current parish priest."
"Isn't it strange. I can remember every padre in the history of Kilcullen except the one I'm trying to remember. I can remember the one who hit the editor of the Bridge magazine a box in the snot when he was a kid."
"When the priest was a kid?"
"No when the editor was a kid. That cost us dearly. Think what I could have accomplished if your man was on side with my light hearted pro Catholic political advocacies. For one thing there would have been far fewer pictures of Lord Kitchener surreptitiously placed beside my column in order to discredit me."
"You're off the subject. The parish priest... keep going."
"Then there was Father Tim O'Hara. He was the one praying beside the sick child in Naas hospital. That miracle I told you about. The mother had been told the child would die that night. Father O'Hara got up to go and whispered to her: The child is going to be okay."
"Was he okay?"
"Well he lived to become the worst skanger in the town so it's a kind of fifty fifty call as to whether he was okay or not."
"Did that really happen?"
"It really happened that the child was expected to die and he lived. The bit about him being a skanger is just a punchline that appeals to me."
"Keep thinking."
"There was Father Cassidy. He was famous for cursing on the altar."
"Did he curse much on the altar?"
"Once. That's enough in this town. I think he got a bit excited in one of his own sermons and he said shit or bastard or something. I was actually there for that one. I was eight years old. I remember he immediately started apologising to God. Everybody was sitting upright, eyes wide as silver dollars. But I'd missed it. The adults all looked thrilled to bits but no one would ever tell me what he'd said. I hadn't been listening to the sermon until he started saying sorry to the Almighty about his bad language."
"Okay. Now you're on form. You're bound to remember the one I'm looking for in a minute."
"My brain is sending me the name Nick Cusack. But I know that's not it."
"Why would your brain be doing that?"
"Because it wants to p--- me off."
"But why would the name Nick Cusack come to you?"
"I think we'll find that whoever the incumbent parish priest really is, his name will contain some of the letters in Nick Cusack. That's the way my brain works when it's really acting the sack."
"Niall Mackey!" exclaimed Uncle Thaddeus in triumph.
"There you go. Niall for Nick. And Mackey for Cusack. Well done Brain. You really stuck it to me that time."
"James," said the Uncle with sudden concern, "do you often have trouble remembering things?"
"Let me this way put it Uncle. Yesterday I rang my feminist cousin Pauline and when she answered the phone the first thing I said was: Who have I rung?"
"And what did she say to that?"
"I don't remember."
"You must remember what she said to you."
"No. But my brain is telling me that whatever she said contained some of the letters in the phrase Duck Cough. And by the way Uncle. Who the hell are you and what are you doing in my kitchen?"

from the heelers memos

Check out herbs. Find out what nut jobs say they do.

Sunday, June 11, 2017

mystic pizza

In the wee small hours I besought the Deity.
"Oh Lord," I cried, "what is the answer to this weight gain problem?"
And the God of the Hebrews, or possibly my imagination, replied:
"Listen Heelers, one thing's for sure. The answer isn't going to be rashers, eggs and chicken Kievs washed down with lashings of ginger beer and copious cups of coffee at five o'clock in the middle of the night."