The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

kilcullen easter

the lambing time
evanescent leaves
provincial poets stitching worn out rhymes
into patchwork quilted semaphores of praise
all of these
mist like matting on muddy fields
old men rejoicing in campaniles
all of these
everything that breathes is on its knees
for the coming of the lord

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

the hens of august

Wandered into the local vegetable shop.
"Morning Barkeep, have you got any free range eggs?" I enquire full of the joys. "I don't want any eggs from hens that are not being paid a living wage.. I want the sort where the hens get full union rate and three weeks holiday a year. I don't want my hens working in sweatshops and not being remunerated for their overtime. I want to know those hens have full lifetime contracts, healthcare coverage and are free to ride the range on horseback during their evenings off. Give me free range eggs or give me death."
"I've got the eggs," said the proprietor, "but we're not allowed call them free range. They have to be labelled barn fresh instead."
"You're joshing."
"It's a European Union ruling. Something to do with fighting bird flu. All hens have to be kept in barns and we have to label them barn fresh until further notice. It's now illegal to call free range eggs free range eggs."
My mind flew to a Woody Allen film called Bananas.
One he made in the early 1970's when a certain charismatic joy was still a part of his work.
Woody has helped a rebel group seize power in San Marcos, a small South American country.
The leader of the revolution whom Woody has helped is a Fidel wannabe. Following their ouster of the dictator, the rebel leader is making a speech to the people in the market square.
The great leader proclaims:
"From now on the official language of San Marcos will be Swedish."
He raises his hand and bellows:
But the crowd are only cheering in his head.
He continues his liberation speech:
"From now on all the men of San Marcos will wear women's underwear. And all the women will wear men's underwear. Underwear will be worn on the outside so we can check."
And the camera zooms in on Woody Allen.
Woody nudges the leader.
"I suppose we'll be holding elections soon?" says Woody.
"These people are peasants, they are too ignorant to vote," he answers.
Woody Allen looks shocked.
He murmurs directly to us:
"Power has driven him mad."
That's the European Union today.