The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Saturday, September 01, 2018

the important things the things that matter the things that moveth men greed pride anger desire selfishness and then

Watching the box with Farmer Jones.
And lo!
There is a pulse in the universe.
The droner du jour newsreader on Sky News shuffled her papers.
"This just in," she said. "Tennis player Alize Cornet was fined today after stripping off her shirt during a game at the US Open."
I sat bolt upright.
"Yes, yes, yes!" I screamed calmly.
Farmer Jones also betrayed some interest, looking up from his Irish Times like an old bull who's just realised there's more to life than the Irish Times.
We both craned forward.
Good old Sky.
After twenty years ignoring the World Jihad War and pontificating prissily about purely imaginary climate change it seemed at last they had found something genuinely newsworthy.
Bring on the footage.
"Joining me to discuss the situation," continued the newsreader, "is feminist professor of Feminology Daisy Blinkington Smythe."
An ominous feeling of jamais vu crossed my mind.
The presenter and her guest began an epic peroration about feminist perspectives on the cultural and societal double standard whereby female tennis players are being unjustly penalised for whipping out Belle and Sebastian while males with impunity can brandish the long lad all around centre court, waving it at umpires and the press box whenever the urge takes them, the well endowed ones even occasionally using it as a tennis racket, without a hair being turned.
Boy tennis has changed a lot since I last watched it in the 1980's.
Still I leaned forward hoping against hope that the two crushing bores would cut to some actual footage of Alize Cornet waving em in the air like she don't care.
Sky didn't have the footage.
Not a jot.
(Tit surely - Ed note)
"No, no. no," I pleaded. "Not another of your wearisome conformist liberal left wing pseudo discussions. Show it. For crying out loud show it. She wants me Beavis. Show it. Let us make up our own minds without the intervention of some feminist gauleiters."
I paused in mild pensivity.
"You know, I bet she did it on purpose. For the publicity. That girl was in her dressing room before she came out on court and she thought: I'm number 31 in the world but in five minutes everyone's gonna know my name."
"I bet she didn't." said Farmer Jones who was ready to give her a chance and half his farm if it came to that.
The Sky News presenters continued to drone predictably about feminism and double standards and blah, blah, blah.
Not a glimpse of Alize Cornet's divine right (and left) did we get.
This is why Sky is bankrupt and dependent upon the Jihadist Royal Family of Qatar for its revenue stream.
Over at bankrupt Bolshevick atheistic abortionist CNN they had the footage.
A day later.
But they had it.
Their presenters and guests droned interminably and conformistly and feministically too.
But they had the footage.
And let me just say, hubba hubba, woof woof wooooof, whoarghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.