The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Saturday, June 11, 2011

the jurisprudence of judge eamon devalera

1. A little known self styled public relations consultant called Monica Leech has received an award of nearly 2 million dollars in Judge Eamon De Valera's court, after she sued Independent Newspapers for attempting to report the circumstances in which she had been paid hundreds of thousands of dollars by a Fianna Fail government Minister to design a website that no one ever visited. She had been given the money without any public tender process. The award of two million dollars in Judge De Valera's court room to this woman flew in the face of public concerns on the matter. Monica Leech claimed that various Independent Newspapers reports had implied she was having an affair with the Minister. In other words she sued Indpendent Newspapers for the crime of not stating, but somehow vaguely implying or leaving open to imputation, the bleedin obvious. Judge DeValera's handling of the case and the gratuitous sum awarded by the Jury under his direction, indicated possibly for the first time indisputably, that both Judges and Juries can be tampered with, and are being tampered with, in the Republic of Ireland. Judge Eamon DeValera is of course a direct descendent of the Eamon DeValera who founded the Fianna Fail political party.

2. A little known self styled business man holding a senior position with an Irish self styled exploration company presented himself at the door of a female underling during a company conference at a hotel in Africa. The self styled business man presented himself at the bedroom door three times on one night. He was seeking entry to the bedroom each time. Earlier in the day he had propositioned the female employee, suggesting they have sex. On each of the three occasions he presented himself at the female employees door, he was naked. The naked ape sued the company for libel after it released a damage limitation press release on foot of his disgusting behaviour. Judge Eamon DeValera and a Jury accepted the naked ape's ridiculous claims that he had no pyjamas with him at the conference. They accepted his equally ridiculous claims that he was sleep walking on the three occasions in one night when he sought entry to the bedroom of a junior female employee. They accepted his ludicrous lie that his earlier attempt to sexually proposition her had been a joke. The corrupt Judge DeValera and the equally corrupt Jury awarded the naked ape ten million dollars. Again I say to you. Fianna Fail and other political parties, aren't just rigging the Justice system through control of the Judges. They have found a way to load Juries in their favour.

3. Just a month ago Judge DeValera was in action again. The model Rosanna Davidson sued the airline company Ryanair for libel. I hold no brief for Rosanna Davidson. She seems to me to be well nigh cosmically superficial. She is the daughter of a pop singer, has won some beauty pageants, and is much given to sneering at the Catholic Church in the most cretinous conformist Independent Newspaper pleasing pseudo trendy kind of way. Naturally this has made her a darling of the anti Catholic media in Ireland. So I don't hold her in high regard. But I recognise that you can indeed make a fair case that Ryanair libelled her. Ryanair had called her a racist for daring to criticise one of Ryanair's low rent salacious quasi masturbatory calendars, a calendar which featured depressing depictions of scantily clad female Ryanair employees in postures intended to be sexually provocative. No Irish member of staff had appeared in the calendar. Ms Davidson had given a newspaper reporter a comment on the calendar in which she expressed reservations about the lack of Irish participants. For this Ryanair labelled her a racist. Now here's the rub. In court Judge Eamon DeValera advised the Jury to make only a limited compensation payout. Therefore while Monica Leech got two million dollars when no libel had been committed, and the naked ape got ten million when no libel had been committed, Rosanna Davidson who had probably been genuinely libelled received a scant hundred grand. I weep for my generation.

Friday, June 10, 2011

keys to the kingdom

Hungarian girls do not think it's funny when you call them The Hungarian Ghoulash.

500 hundred million dollars worth of journalism

E Coli, eh?
So with thirty people dead and thousands more poisoned, isn't it about time we asked whether Al Qaeda is washing our vegetables in sewage?
The wars of the future will be mafia.

Thursday, June 09, 2011

party piece

we are all dying more or less
in body in spirit
slaves to a process
not bitter or malign
but limitless
each moment each decade
unrolls in the shadow of the scythe
we laugh cry caress
doomed enough for ones so blithe
blithe enough for ones so doomed
revellers on a runaway train
exultant into the night

Wednesday, June 08, 2011

confucius he say

Man who make love to girl on side of hill, not on level.

Tuesday, June 07, 2011

our television listings

(The Irish national fraudcaster.)
9.00 Friends Morning showing of popular, though slightly played, American sitcom. This week Monica gives Chandler a blow job and then sues Independent Newspapers for implying they were having an affair.
9.30 Teletubbies. Light hearted mockumentary about the the fat cat atheist anti Catholic Bolshevicks who run RTE.
10.00 Murder She Wrote. Barack Obama visits Cabot Cove and Jessica has to use all her wiles to indict him for his plans to murder millons of unborn children via Congressional legislation.
11.00 Morning With Archie. Archbishop Diarmuid Martin gives live updates of his attempts to undermine the Catholic Church from within. Special guests: The Usual Four sex abuse victims from the 1970's. (One In Four surely - Ed note.)
12.00 The Midday News. Read by Joe Stalin or some other apparatchik or mistress of an Irish government Minister.
1.00 Neighbours. Australian kiddie porn.
2.00 Thelma Mansfield Live. Humorous Irish retelling of the Dracula legend.
3.00 Gay Byrne Presents. More serious version of the Dracula story. Dissolute Dublin 4 atheist maunders on in a welter of self indulgence. You couldn't get him off RTE if you were to ram a stake through his black heart.
4.00 Butch Cassidy And The Sundance Kid. Cowboy film caper where moderately agreeable bandits force a nation to finance their anti Catholic television station through compulsory payment of a licence fee.
6.00 Angelus. There will be no Angelus this week as Quasimodo is refusing to ring any bells on such a bigoted television station.
7.00 Kenny Live. New Pat Kenny current affairs programme which RTE has introducted to beef up its pogrom against the Catholic Church.
8.00 Tubridy Tonight. Yawnfest presented by the young scut scion of a Fianna Fail dynasty who dreams of being Pat Kenny.
9.00 Evening News. Read by Chairman Mao et al. (I really hate Al.)
10.00 The Exorcist. Film spoof where poet James Healy casts out the demonic Bolshevicks of RTE by compelling them to work for a living, ie by taking away the hundreds of millions of dollars the citizenry is forced to pay them via the annual television licence fee, forced to pay I tells ee, regardless of whether we approve of their atheistic abortionist ultra leftist free masonic satan worshipping agendas. I mean I don't want to go casting no aspoyshuns.
12.00 Closedown. I wish they really would close it down.

Monday, June 06, 2011

of mice and men and budgies

"What was God thinking when he gave hamsters tails?" enquires Fur Ham musingly.
I endeavour to handle the question with tact and diplomacy.
"Sorry Fur Ham," sez me. "He didn't really give you a tail. That thing's more a little shtumpeen really. It's like an afterthought."
By the way gentle readers, Little Shtumpeen is colloquial Irish English for little stump.
"Hey," sez Fur Ham. "There's no call to get personal."
"I'd say God had just about finished his first hamster," continues me. "And he was thinking, hmmm these aren't bad. And maybe there was a knock at the door. Probably someone from Porlock calling about the electricity metre. And God hadn't made up his mind what to do about the tail. But he had to answer the door. So he just zapped up a little shtumpeen and left it at that."
"Hey," cries Hammy again, and then after a moment: "What was he thinking when he made budgies?"
"God only knows," I answer fervently.