The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Saturday, October 17, 2020

an open letter to irish judge peter charleton

Good morning Judge.

During your conduct of tribunals of enquiry into corrupt Chief of Police Martin Callanan's frame up of hero cop Maurice McCabe on false charges of child abuse, you correctly concluded that corrupt Chief of Police Martin Callanan was guilty of framing hero cop Maurice McCabe on false charges of child abuse.

Well du-h-h-h-h.

I mean well done.

However you incorrectly exonerated Callanan's successor as Chief of Police, Noirin O'Sullivan for her part in the frame up.

Why did you do this?

You also exonerated Independent Newspapers journalist Paul Williams regardng any possible role through his newspaper writings in Martin Callanan and Noirin O'Sullivan's frame up of hero cop Maurice McCabe on false charges of child abuse.

Judge Charleton why exactly did you exonerate Paul Williams?

What was your reasoning?

Have a read of Williams' articles again.

All of them.

Just tell me.

What on earth were you thinking of?

James Healy

Friday, October 16, 2020

dynamics of discourse

"There's too many people in the world," said the fine meats vendor. "The planet is overpopulated."
"Ah no, no, no," I cried like a heffalump in pain.
In truth I'd been hoping to purchase my steak before falling out with the owner of the business.
"I'm serious," said he.
"I'm serious too," said I. "The fruits of the earth are sufficient to feed the children of the earth. It's just we haven't found a way to share them with each other yet. The planet can support any number of people. It's the wars and the dictatorships and the communisms and the atheisms and the islamisms and the sorceries that keep us poor."
A distant look came into his eye.
"You might have a point," he said mollifyingly.
He had the aspect and gait of a man who wanted to sell me the steak before falling out with me.

Thursday, October 15, 2020

apologia pro vignettes mea

Rounding a street corner amid the bustle of life I almost collide with Antoinette Broward.

She's a woman of middle years, not bad looking, athletic, attractively proportioned, never previously of any interest to me as a potential Aroogah, because of her, er, modest er, connections to, er, gangland.

I hold with comedian Eddie Murphy on these matters. If the bitch is in the mafia, there's something wrong with the pussy.

In the best sense of an old fashioned phrase, Antoinette is a moll.

Her family is related to one of the border clans famous for mayhem related activities in Northern (alright, ho hum, for the sake of accuracy, and Southern) Ireland, that is to say, basically up to its neck in everything listed in the Judaeo Christian tradition generally and the Book of Leviticus particularly, as being a no no.

I suppose she and I haven't said twenty words to each other in the course of our lives although we grew up in the same small Irish town and there has never been any personal enmity between us.

I've seen her on acting stage a few times and thought she had a good theatrical presence.

Of course I wouldn't turn my back on her in a theatre.

Or on a dark night.

Or indeed in plain day.

Or at any time, anywhere.

I went to school with some of her brothers and I would consider them scary doods although in a paradoxically innocent, charming, countrified way somewhat less scary than the Border based branch of the clan.

I'm nearly half sure they've never actually killed anyone.

Her brother Ron was the most naturally gifted athlete among us young lads growing up. He could have been a professional sportsman if he hadn't chosen to enter the family business.

The legend goes that when Ron was facing court charges for one of various incidents involving his use of violence, the main witness in the case was sitting outside the courthouse and Ron's brother, known locally as the Parrott, walked up out of the crowd, punched the witness in the face and walked away. The case did not proceed.

Lovely lovely people.

With regard to Anoinette herself, I would always greet her if we passed each other in the street, hence the twenty words in a lifetime, and she would always reply.

Today she had halted abruptly as we met.

Her face became poignant.

A raven tress fell on her cheek.

Suddenly she put a hand on my chest.

Her voice when it came, was a sigh: "Oh James."

This was not physical attraction.

I know what physical attraction is because I've read about it in books and seen it in the Titanic movie.

This was something else.

This was genuine concern.

She couldn't help herself.

The human being in her briefly overcame the moll.

Not physical attraction.

But very feminine.

My eyes widened.

All the more impactful because she's tough and well walked and knows the way to the court house.

"Hi there Antoinette," I said brusquely as per my usual form and moved quickly on, leaving her lily hand flailing unremarked in the breeze.

I gotta tell you bold readers, when a gal from the Broward gang puts her hand on your chest and looks at you as if she's worried about your safety, you can feel the devil bite your ass.

(cf: When a herd of bullocks comes thundering towards you across a field in the dark...)

(cf: When Rah poet Des Egan gives you a dirty look in Newbridge Church...)

(cf: Tuco's feelings in The Good The Bad And The Ugly when a rope goes round his neck...)

Wednesday, October 14, 2020

it's a ****ing flu virus

Today they said...


Doctor David Nabarro (ridculously and officially styled World Health Organisation Special Envoy on the Covid 19 virus):  "We in the World Health Organisation do not advocate lockdowns as the primary means of control of this virus... The only time we believe a lockdown is justified is to buy you time to reorganise, regroup, rebalance your resources, protect your health workers who are exhausted... By and large we'd rather not do it... We really do appeal to all world leaders, stop using lockdown as your primary method of control... Lockdowns have just one consequence that you must never ever belittle and that is making poor people an awful lot poorer."

James Healy: "You're arriving a little late at this party David. The damage is done. As you will now be aware the Swedes didn't have any lockdown whatsoever and although they have had like the rest of the world a second surge of cases heading into winter, they have had no second surge of deaths because unlike the rest of world which has relied on society and economy destroying lockdowns as recommended by yourself and the World Health Organisation up till yesterday, the Swedes have developed herd immunity. I would note also that there are those in the international community and the World Health Organisation and America who appear willing to use lockdowns for political agendas. The great Jane Fonda no less has declared that the virus represents an opportunity for leftists and that they must take this opportunity. Some of your WHO staffers, in common with Jane Fonda are not exactly in love with the Western World or Freedom or the Judaeo Christian tradition or even, gawdelpus, with the shibboleth Marxists call Capitalism. Across the great wide ocean, Speaker of the House of Representatives in the US Nancy Pelosi, barely pausing from her ludicrous intimations that President Trump somehow caused the Corona virus itself and deliberately maybe mystically caused (perhaps through voodoo) all its fatalities, has been blocking a Trump proposed bailout involving direct financial assistance to the American people, she's opposed it I tells ee, until such time as she can oust Trump himself from the office of President. I commend the attention of the citizenry to an interview by Mr Wolf Blitzer of CNN who like David Nabarro of the World Health Organisation, suddenly grew a conscience yesterday and gave an object lesson in real journalism (one doesn't expect this from CNN or Wolf Blitzer or David Nabarro or the World Health Organisation) while interviewing Mrs Pelosi and drawing attention to what looks like her cynical and opportunistic blocking of any relief to American individuals, families or businesses until after the forthcoming Presidential election. Back in neurotic sclerotic Ireland the incoming Dalek government and its predecessors have now admitted to using a series of accountancy tricks to inflate the early death toll figures. Deceased persons who had never been tested and had no positive reading for the virus were routinely labelled as Covid 19 deaths. Additionally persons who had been tested for Covid and had survived but later were killed in car accidents or by a heart attack or any other way, were again routinely included as Covid 19 deaths. In other countries this scandal of artificially inflating the Covid19 death toll in order to justify the sovietisation of our society, would lead to a change of government. But in Ireland we're reduced to choosing at election time between a permanent coalition of groovy Fianna Fail Fine Gael Green Party tax and spend abortionists or the IRA mafia's proxies in Sinn Fein, the Anti Austerity Alliance and the hilariously monickered People Before Profit group . And finally Esther. This is a flu virus. We're all going to get it."

Monday, October 12, 2020

incoming irish prime minister micheal martin makes his heelers diaries debut


JH: "Where does your government stand on current legislation to legalise euthanasia and assisted suicide which has been placed before parliament by parliamentarian Gino Kenny, a man famous for his previous attempts to legalise drug dealing on behalf of IRA gangland?"

Prime Minister Micheal Martin: "Exterminate."

JH: "Do the Ten Commandments apply to you? Thou shalt not kill, remember?"

Micheal Martin: "We are the superior being."

JH: "Has God any authority over you?"

Micheal Martin: "We obey no one."

JH: "Health Board figures show that the previous Fine Gael government's legalisation of abortion, a law passed with your help, resulted in the deaths of more than 6000 unborn children last year. How do you feel about all those lives you and former Fine Gael Prime Minister Leo Varadkar have taken?"

Micheal Martin: "You will bow down to us."

JH: "How do you respond when I assert to you that legalising euthanasia and assisted suicide is a charter for Nazism?"

Prime Minister Micheal Martin: "Exterminate. Exterminate. Exterminate the elderly. Exterminate the vulnerable teenagers. Exterrminate anyone feeling a bit depressed. Exterminate. Exterminate. Exterminate the babies. Exterminate the Heelers. Exterminate. Exterminate. Exterminate. Exterminate."

JH: "You're a dalek, aren't you?"

Micheal Martin: "Yes."