The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Saturday, June 18, 2016

the emperor li yu held captive at kaifeng

(from the chinese)

silent and alone i climb the west tower
the moon is like a sickle
a tree in the courtyard
personifies autumn herself imprisoned there
what ties me to the world is being cut but is not yet severed
my thoughts run wild
i have lost everything
the sadness of what i have lost
the memory of it in my heart

Thursday, June 16, 2016

the story of my quarrel with american film director michael moore

Michael Moore: (Speaking in an interview with radio presenter Matt Cooper) "If you look at other modern advanced countries, Ireland is, like, the only one even talking about abortion."

James Healy: "Memo to self: Steady James. Steady. The last time you had a tantrum with a Matt Cooper radio broadcast, you crashed your car... Ah Michael Moore. So if all the countries in a region are killing unborn babies, we should conclude it must be good. Held true for the Aztec and Inca empires with ritual human sacrifice. So why not for us? I suppose if Michael Moore visited Muslim majority countries or Third World countries. he might note that very few of those are even discussing whether or not female genital mutilation should be prohibited. Everyone else is doing it, so why can't we, eh Mike?"

when lightning strikes in ireland

The country lady greeted me pleasantly as I walked down Main Street.
Then she leaned close.
"Christine warned that the lightning would hang low in the sky," she said conspiratorially.
She was referring to an Irish woman called Christine Gallagher who claims to have visions from heaven.
Someone got struck by lightning in Ireland last week and the more suggestible of our citizenry are claiming Christine Gallagher predicted it.
I smiled.
"Any fake prophet or real prophet could say there'll be lightning strikes and they'll be right thousands of times a year," I opined. "Or they could predict earthquakes, or tsunamis, or tornados. They're never going to be wrong. These things call for discernment. I also think God may sometimes speak directly to us through holy people and that in doing so he may include warnings about future events. But caution, caution, caution. Question everything. Pray for guidance."
"You don't believe in Christine Gallagher?" she challenged.
"The only act of faith I attempt to make is in Jesus Christ and him crucified and him risen from the dead for the forgiveness of sins and the salvation of all human beings," I replied.
"Why don't you believe in Christina?" quoth she.
I sighed.
"The newspapers have tried to ruin her," I mused. "They've thrown a lot of mud. I don't think they found the smoking gun. But it looks bad."
"So why don't you believe in her?"
"She was claiming to have the stigmata, the marks of the crucifixion of Christ, a few years ago. That seems to have been let drop. The stigmata is not something people get for five minutes and then never mention again."
"She mentions it in her book."
"I'd like to see that book. But I don't understand why there is no public discussion of whether or not Christine Gallagher has the stigmata. She either has them or she hasn't. Which is it? Did she get them for a short period? Okay. Well let me hear her assert that. Let the experts investigate it."
"She doesn't want to build herself up by talking about the stigmata."
"It's a biggie. If she's got them, the church would want to investigate."
"You still haven't given me one good reason not to believe in her."
"We're to test the spirits. Some of you guys believe everything you're told. Listen. You will be meeting evil in your daily lives. The evil is not that important. The devil likes to appear more powerful than he is. But in cases of claimed apparitions or prophecies, I counsel spiritual caution at every level."
"One good reason James. Give me one."
"I saw her show marks on her head over a decade ago which, if I understood her correctly, she was implying were mystically transposed on her body by the grace of God in symbolic closeness to the sufferings of Jesus on the cross. It was a television interview. She was claiming to have the marks of Chris's crown of thorns. The marks in her forehead were a series of gashes which her hair covered until she drew it back. And the marks were just too regular. Regular depth. Regular shape. Regular spacing. They were like works of art. They were perfectly shaped. Yes. Perfectly spaced. I'd postulate that she and her accomplices produced the effect with some sort of specially made metal band which they could tighten around her scalp to produce the desired wounds. I'm no expert but the regularity of the markings looked man made. I've also seen photos of her with wounds in her feet which at the time were being touted as evidence she had been mystically accorded the marks of the nails that were driven through Christ's feet on the cross. Again her advocates, such as they are, were suggesting these marks came about through a closeness to God. These are not the sort of claims one can make for a few weeks in 1995 and then never mention again. I counsel extreme caution in any assessment of Christine Gallagher."

Wednesday, June 15, 2016


Muhammed Ali's Funeral
Principal Mourners

1. The Viet Cong.
2. The Gambino family.
3. President Recip Tayip Erdogan of Turkey.
4. Don King.

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

scenes from a jihad

1. Chatting with farmer Dave amid the lush green pastures of County Kildare. "Ah James," quoth he, "calm down. They're hardly going to bomb the field out there."

2. Coffee with XXXXX. Today I asked her what she thought of the latest news. She answered: "I don't watch the news anymore."

3. A Jihadi has murdered around fifty people in Orlando Florida.

4. A Jihadi in France has butchered a man and wife, both police officers. He is said to have tortured the wife in front of her young child. Some reports suggest he broadcast the torture of the wife over the internet.

5. Security sources are now suggesting that the wife of the Orlando Jihadi is a prime suspect as an accomplice in her husband's slaughter of fifty people in the night club.

6. Tim Cooke, the Chief Executive of Apple Computers, has spoken out in sympathy with the victims of the Orlando Jihadi. This is the same Tim Cooke who in February refused to help the FBI unlock the computer codes on an Apple phone belonging to yet another Jihadi who with his wife as accomplice had just killed 14 people at San Bernadino, California.

7. President Obama continues to pretend there is no link between Islam and the worldwide Jihad war against humanity. President Obama suggests that the present attack in Orlando could have been prevented with gun control regulations. President Obama refuses to use the phrase 'Islamic terrorism,' preferring more neutral terms such as 'violent extremists.'

Monday, June 13, 2016

star bores scene five

Luke is flying a star fighter along a narrow surface trench leading to the only vulnerable spot on the Death Star. He's feeling a bit tense. The window of opportunity for scoring a direct hit on the vulnerable spot will last about two seconds. Luke steels himself and furrows his brow in concentration. Suddenly a strange, ethereal, disembodied voice enters his consciousness. It is clearly the voice of his old friend, the late Obi Wan Kenobi.

Obi Wan Kenobi's Voice: Trust in the Force Lu-u-u-u-ke.

Luke: Ah for crying out loud. The last time you said that, I lost an arm.

Sunday, June 12, 2016

star bores scene four

A poignant moment.

Luke: Is Darth Vader my father?

Obi Wan Kenobi: No.

Luke: My first cousin?

Obi Wan: No.

Luke: Second cousin once removed?

Obi Wan: Why are you so obsessed with being related to Darth Vader?

Luke: Well, he's Number Two in the empire. If the blood tests come in positive, I'll be on easy street.