The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Saturday, May 04, 2019

job interview at RTE

Interviewer: "I'm Ron Baines, Head of  Commissioning at RTE. You may remember me from such wives as Miriam O'Callaghan whose programmes I used to sell to RTE even while she was receiving an annual salary from RTE. That old gag. (Hag surely? Ed note.) Afterwards I was hired as Head of Commissioning. Nothing to do with my, er, connection to Miriam. Ha, ha. Hilarious no. So Mr Healy."

James: "Okay. I've about forty years experience in journalism. I've edited an internet website for 15 years. I've worked in print journalism as feature writer, editor and journalist. I've presented radio programmes and produced them. My play has toured Ireland. I've published a book."

Interviewer: "Yes but are you Ted Walshe's daughter?"

James: "What do you mean?"

Interviewer: "Are you Ted Walshe's daughter? It's a requirement for this job."

James: "I don't understand."

Interviewer: "There's a quota you know."

James: "You mean like gender balance. Equal numbers of men and women?"

Interviewer: "No. I mean we're just hiring members of Ted Walshe's family."

Friday, May 03, 2019

RTE advertisement for a new journalist

For position on daytime television
Must be daughter of Ted Walshe

Thursday, May 02, 2019

mary robinson's new charity video in aid of climate justice

Flicking through the channels on the sexevision.
I alight on MTV.
And lo!
What shite through yonder television screen breaks.
It is climate change fooboon and Mary Robinson is the sun.
A new music video performed by former Irish president Mary Robinson no less to promote her charity, an outfit styled Climate Justice and financed by the government of the Republic of Ireland using my money to convince the proles that the weather is the cause of every ill on earth.
Ah yes.
A charity called Climate Justice.
What's their slogan?
Equal rights for raindrops.
No condensation without remuneration.
Pension entitlements for snowflakes now.
Freeze Nelson Mandela.
And so on.
Mary Robinson you are an empty bellows full of conformist wind.
Robbo's thesis is that something she calls anthropogenic climate change has impoverished swathes of the planet, and that all the wars, terrorism, societal break down, Putin attacks, and famines, are nothing to do with anything except climate change.
Her new song is catchy though.
It's a cover of the only really good hit by Dublin band Bewitched, a song called Blame It On The Weatherman.
Mary Robinson sings:

"There's poverty in Sudan
Not because Omar Ahmed Hassan
Killed four million men
There's hell in Mozambique
Not because communism's weak
Another answer we must seek
Wo oh oh oh
The mayhem goes on
And on again
The blood shed goes on
And on again
Don't blame it on the Mahdi's
Don't blame it on Jihadi's
Blame it on the weatherman
Don't blame psychopathic Islamism
Don't blame command control communism
Blame it on the weatherman
And the mayhem goes on
And on again
The killing goes on
And on again
The murders go on
And on again
Don't blame it on tribalism
Don't blame Mugabe's fascism
Don't blame black magic satanism
Blame it on the weatherman
Let's get more obscuro
Don't blame Nicholas Maduro
Nor even the Chinese politbureau
Blame it on the weatherman
Don't blame the wars in Georgia and Ukraine
Or the downing of the Polish President's plane
On Putin being insane
Blame it on the weatherman
Wo oh oh oh
The rain goes on
and on again
The rain goes on
and on again"

I quite like this song, both Mary Robinson's version and the original Bewitched thing which I commend to your attention.
With Mary Robinson's Climate Justice charity promoting itself through songs like this, the state of public discourse regarding purely fictional climate change is reaching elevated levels of openness and accountability.
Seriously though, she's doing a wonderful job.