from the heelers mystical experiences

 

James: "God?"

God: (somewhat frazzled) "What?"

James: "Could I have..."

God: "No."

James: "How do you know what I'm going to say?"

God: "I'm God. And you're very predictable."

James: "Could I have a..."

God: "No."

James: "...a  sensual..."

God: "No."

James: "...sexual..."

God: "No."

James: "...vumman?"

God: "I told you, no, no, and no."

James: "Just one."

God: "You think if you ask for five it would make a difference? The answer is no. We're all out."

James: "You're all out of sensual sexual vimmin?"

God: "They've very popular. We had a run on them before Christmas. Everybody wanted one. Sorry."

James: "You said sorry there just like John Cleese."

God: "Well maybe I enjoy a bit of Fawlty Towers as much as the next Supreme Being."

James: "Maybe you do. But I mean that was a perfect impression. It was too good."

God: "I can do anybody."

James: "No. It's more than that. God. Are you John Cleese?"

God: "Alright. Fine. You got me."

James: "But that's incredible."

God: "Oh come on. You must have realised by now that John Cleese fans think he's God. They just happen to be right."

James: "But that there's been a second coming and we barely noticed."

God: "The clues were there. Same initials as the first incarnation. That sort of thing."

James: "God was working in the BBC in 1975. Wow."

God: "What's so strange about that?"

James: "You wouldn't get a job there now."

God: "I think I would."

James: "I know you wouldn't."

God: "Look Heelers. I'm omnipotent. Omnipresent. Omniscient. I am the source of all light, life, hope, glory, truth, grace and blessing."

James: "They hate that at the BBC."

God: "They'd hire me in a second."

James: "You'd be weeded out at the first interview."

God: "We'll see. I fancy a comeback."

James: "Don't do it God."

God: "You sound like you're worried about me."

James: "I have it on, er, good authority, that those conformist lefties can be very hurtful when they're rejecting people."

God: "A good smiting will soon sort them."

James: "Oh right. And the other thing. You know. Sensual. Sexual. Vumman sort of thing."

God: "Smities."

James: "Cool, cool."