confucius he say

No beautiful girl in the history of beautiful girls was ever impressed by a man struggling to open a bag of crisps.

poem and parody

Base Details
by Siegfried Sassoon

If I was fierce and bald and short of breath
I'd dine with scarlet majors at the base
And speed glum heroes up the line to death
You'd see me with my puffy petulant face
Guzzling and gulping at the best hotel
Reading the roll of honour 'Poor young chap,'
I'd say, 'I used to know his father well
Yes we've lost heavily in this last scrap.'
And when the war is done and youth stone dead
I'd toddle safely home and die - in bed


******


base infidels
by James Healy

if i was left wing and atheistic and marxian and short of breath
i'd dine with scarlet liberals at the Beeb
and speed glum secretaries up the line for their abortions
you'd see me with my standard feminist screed
about rights to choose and the empowerment of women
guzzling and gulping in the best hotels
toasting the generation we've murdered with ever more abortions euthanasias and assisted suicides
and the generation we've muzzled with anti depressants
good sceptics the lot of em
never listen to priests
but willing to superstitiously prostrate themselves
before mengelic doctors who tell them to drink drug poisons
hilarious no
and when our civilisation is gone
and the next generation anulled
i'd give citizenship to a hundred million muslims
er that's it