The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Saturday, November 12, 2011

in the dark and distant dawn of years

people of the book
you are mine to the harrow
your dying will make the deserts bloom
where is your god now

these words
mark them well
as the stars fell

michael d higgins i have a dream speech for his inaugural address as president of ireland

The inaugural Presidential address by Michael D Higgins has won plaudits from Ireland's atheistic abortionist media groups, specifically Independent Newspapers, The Irish Times, RTE and the Irish edition of The Daily 150 Million Dollars In Debt Mail. (The English edition is a thousand million dollars in debt. Popular press indeed.) We print Higgins' full speech below without comment.


Michael D Higgins: "My fellow atheists. This is an auspicious day. I have been to the top of the mountain. And I have looked over. For me and my fellow atheistic abortionists there are no consequences. We can spend a lifetime cheerleading tyrants around the world, advocating the murder of unborn children, and sneering at the Catholic Church, and at the end of all that we can be elected President of Ireland. Hallelujah as Karl Marx always used to say during his more spiritual moments. My fellow atheists... I have a dream. I have a dream where my rich spoilt arrogant atheistic children will dine out for life on the massive pension entitlements I have accorded myself while waxing fat in the Irish parliament. I have a dream. I have a dream where the immigrants coming to our country from the four corners of the world will no longer be judged by the colour of their skin, but by the content of their bank balance, and by the amount they have donated to former Fianna Fail Prime Minister Albert Reynolds pet food factory. I have a dream. I have a dream where atheistic abortionist idolatrous pipsqueaks like me can after a lifetime of venal corruption walk into a sinecure like the Irish Presidency. I have a dream where an atheistic abortionist like me can be awarded plaudits by fake Catholics like Mary Kenny with whom I collaborated in my youth to bring abortion and contraceptive culture to Ireland. I have a dream where in spite of my life time as an atheistic apologist for the Soviet Union's attempt to enslave the human race, a goose like Mary Kenny in styling herself Catholic will still insist to the Irish farm animals, I mean people, that I am a spiritual man. I have a dream. I have a dream. I have a dream that there will be no Catholics left in Ireland except fake Catholics like Mary Kenny, John Waters, David Quinn and Breda O'Brien, all token niggers working for anti Catholic media groups to enable those bigoted institutions to hide in plain sight, and all of them singing my praises as a spiritual man. Isn't it simply hilarious. Oh I have buckets of dreams. I have a dream that the likes of me and the political class in Fine Gael, the Labour Party and Fianna Fail and our shadowy puppet masters in the upper ranks of the civil service and the judiciary will face no consequences for our bankruptcy of the nation. The wheel is rigged and we're the only game in town. Nyah, ha, ha G-Force. I have a dream. I have a dream where whore master atheists in the Irish Times and Independent Newspapers and RTE are perpetually bailed out with public money through Health Board advertising so that the Irish farm animals are forced to finance them whether they actually read them or excoriate them or not. I have a dream. It's a wet dream. I have a dream where paedophile Ian O'Doherty of the Irish Independent, a snivelling coward druggie famous for the grotesque mendacity wherewith he claimed that the Catholic Church was itself a paedophile ring, I have a dream that this concatenation of crap styling itself Paedophile Ian O'Doherty can be passed off as a respected political commentator praising me for my spirituality. I have a dream. I have a dream where every house in the land purchases a copy of Hot Press every week on pain of death. I have a dream. I can barely contain myself. I have a dream. I have a dream where there can be accusations of sex abuse against me and the police simply refuse to investigate them because they say they only heard about them third hand. Oh right that's not a dream. That actually happened. I have a dream. I have so many dreams. I have a dream where a worthless atheistic Nazi bitch like Katie Kerrigan after a lifetime betraying the ancient faith, can claim in the Daily Mail to be a Catholic in one breath and admit she doesn't believe in God in the next. I have a dream. I have a dream. Where the whole notion of truth is wholely derided. Where I and my fellow atheists can conceal all the sex abuse in the world in order to falsely label the Catholic Church the prime locus of sex abuse. I have a dream. I have a dream where RTE can post a test transmission of the final results of the Presidential election on one of its websites while people are still voting, a full day before counting commenced and a full day and a half before the tabulations were completed, and no one ever asks how the hell did that happen. I have a dream. I have a dream. I Darth Vader. I mean Michael D Higgins. There are no consequences for my lies. Fine Gael has closed the Irish embassy to the Vatican and there's nothing you can do. Ruairi Quinn is seizing control of Catholic run schools. Alan Shatter is introducing legislation that neither the Nazis nor the Stalinists nor even the Brits in their imperialist phase ever dared in order to compel Catholic priests to report to him what is said in the Confessional. A cosmic gombeen like Charlie Flanagan is calling for the expulsion of the Vatican ambassador. A vacuous vapid hairstyle of a Prime Minister called Enda Kenny is falsely maliciously and malignly accusing the Catholic Church of obstructing sex abuse enquiries. And there's nothing you can do. Nothing any of you can do. You are mine. I own you. We have won. We the spiritual atheistic, abortionist, Maoist, Marxist, scum of the earth. We are the scum who have inherited. You will bow down to us. You will bow down. We have inherited the nation. We will reap no whirlwind for we are masters of the wind. We are Titanic. Nothing can sink us. Nyah, ha, ha. No one can stop me now. People of the book. You are mine to the harrow. Your dying will make the deserts bloom. Where is your god now?"

Thursday, November 10, 2011

the satanic rites of the labour party

On the eve of Michael D Higgins victory in the Irish Presidential elections, I received yet another communication from Labour Party Headquarters.
It was like they wanted to score one last point.
One for the road.
Thumps up indeed.
I have done my best to educate these dessicated atheistic abortionist Marxist anti Catholic scum and their wreck of the hesperas Presidential candidate, and I have failed.
They don't know the difference between a thumb and a thump.
If I ever get a chance I'll give em a good thumb in the bawls to help them figure it out.
Ho hum.
The latest Labour Party missive was signed by Nora De Los Breastos.
With her personal office number enclosed.
Clearly I was intended to understand that nothing I could do would ever deter these sad sex maniacal abortionists from trying to contact me.
I suppose if the bitch ever stands for the presidency in America, I will be able to emerge from the woodwork and claim she's sexually harassed me.
Does sending persistently misspelled and woefully infantile emails to me about Michael D Higgins Presidential campaign amount to sexual harassment?
Does sending me her cell phone and personal office phone numbers in spite of my repeated requests that she desist amount to sexual harassment.
Or is the Labour Party just trying to p--- me off.
I'll have to ask Gloria Allred.
The next time we're having sex.
Arf arf.
A little Gloria Allred humour there for all you fembos.
Chance would be a fine thing.
But I digress.
I have tried everything to stop the Labour Party communicating with me.
I've pleaded, cajoled, threatened, begged, insulted, and made random charmingly salacious sexual advances to the aforementioned Nora Maguire.
Nothing works.
The humourless atheistic abortionist quasi Marxist Labour Party anti Catholic black propaganda just keeps pouring into my inbox.
This, note you, even after the Labour Party's chief Press Officer, Shitface du Bose (Dermot O'Gara surely - Ed note) last month sent me a formally worded warning that I was to cease contacting them!
Never mind the fact that the only time I have ever written to the Labour Party or its members was to tell them to stop writing to me.
Never mind that Shitface du Bose had himself promised me that my name was no longer on any Labour Party contact lists.
Bless the invidious c--- sucking c---s.
It is interesting to note that Michael D Higgins pre election tour of Kildare was attended by local parliamentarian Jack Travelling Expenses Wall and his horrendous son Snodgrass Wall who recently inherited Daddy's seat on Kildare County Council.
Dynastic succession, anyone?
Still. Why worry. That's socialism I suppose.
Incidentally Jack Wall is most famous for claiming travelling expenses of 200,000 dollars a year for driving up and down the road to Dublin.
I kid you not.
Back to Soon To Be President Higgins' triumphal progress through Kildare.
The Labour Party had also brought one of their appointees to the senate along for the ride.
A certain Mr John Baldy Bollocks.
(John Whelan surely? - Ed note)
John Baldy Bollocks formerly edited the now defunct Leinster Leader for about five minutes in 2007 during which five minutes he tried to make a name for himself by firing me.
He was turfed out on his ear by senior management when they found out what he'd done.
It took the f--king fart filled Labour Party to make him a Senator.
O tempera, o morons.
Someday they'll get what's coming to them.
Below is the latest communication from the Labour Party to me.
I publish it in the interest of completing the historical record.
I have not troubled to reply to them personally.
They are beneath my social class.

----- Forwarded Message -----
From: Michael D Higgins Press Office <>
To: nora maguire <>
Sent: Mon, 24 Oct 2011 16:07:24 +0100 (IST)
Labour Nominated Presidential Candidate
Monday 24th October 2011
Presidential candidate, Michael D. Higgins's campaign trail returned to
County Kildare again on Saturday.
Accompanied by the Tanaiste and Minister for Foreign Affairs and Trade,
Eamon Gilmore TD, Michael D Higgins was met by Labour Deputy, Emmet Stagg,
in Naas. Deputy Stagg was delighted to bring Michael D on a tour around the
town where Michael D received tremendous support from locals.
Accompanied by Jack Wall, Michael D was delighted to visit Athy and stop by
the Shinty Match in Geraldine Park.
"My vision for the Presidency for the people of Kildare and the rest of the
country is based on four fundamental principles, a Creative Society of
Inclusive Citizenship, in a Real Republic, promoting and strengthening
Ireland's place in the world. I will be a president for all the people
representing all the people.
"I will dedicate my abilities to the service and welfare of the people of
Ireland', this oath is my promise and pledge to the Irish people. I invite
you the people of Kildare to work with me and support me in creating an
Ireland we can all feel part of and proud of.
For Further Details
Nora Maguire
01 618 3462

Heelers footnote: If Nora Maguire turns out to be a sexalacious babe from the planet Rideatron, you are all going to see me eat some quite incredibly humble pie.

Wednesday, November 09, 2011


The rational is a narrow window set low to the horizon opening wide onto the spiritual.

Sunday, November 06, 2011


By Jackie Walsh