The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Saturday, February 07, 2009

an open letter to the irish people

Normally I would be angry with you.
Normally I would be angry that the teachers, nurses and police officers had thieved so much money from our nation that the nation is now facing economic collapse.
Normally I would excoriate the teachers, nurses and police officers for the fifty grand a year salaries plus ridiculous bonuses we don't even know about, which they have extorted from the government in return for taking six month holidays and doing no work.
Normally I would be angry with them.
Normally I would attempt to highlight the crass incompetence and ever yet more crass pay packets of our monopoly excercising electricity and telephone company employees.
Normally I would attempt to expose the disgraceful work practices at CIE, Iarnrod Eireann, Bus Eireann and Dublin Bus, the State sponsored transport companies who have used their monopoly to build a massive monument to rudeness, idleness, inflated wages and just occasionally psychotic murderousness, such as that time when a bus driver drove his bus through a crowd of people standing on a Dublin quay killing five of them and claiming afterwards to have no recall of the "accident," while Judge Liberal of course accepted a voodoo style explanation for the killings, namely that the bus itself must have suffered a mysterious power surge in the engine which most improbably forced the memory impaired bus driver to swerve onto the pavement and mow down those five human beings, whose lives must have counted for something, mustn't they.
Normally I would fume at the egregious anti Catholic agendas of our bloated State run television and radio companies.
Normally I would castigate our government for allowing these broadcasters to pay themselves vast sums of money while having no viewers or listeners.
Normally I would try to expose the corrupt banking and corporate and stock exchange b--tards who have run every single large publically quoted company in the Republic of Ireland to the brink of collapse.
Normally I would rage at the bankers for their four million a year pay and bonus deals, money they have received for doing no work.
Normally I would spit fire at the Board members of stock exchange quoted companies who, through their unearned wages and extortionate benefits, have destroyed the integrity of shares as a unit of value, and by extension, have wiped out the pension investments of the free world.
Normally I would curse the mediocre parvenu scruff of the Johnston Press for firing me from my job at the Leinster Leader, a company where I'd worked for ten years, and a company which the Johnston Press had owned for one year having arrived on our shores from Britain flush with cash from banks who clearly haven't a bloody clue what they are doing or who they are giving money to.
Normally I would try to alert the general public to the necessity of preventing millionaire Dermot Desmond from making any profit on banking shares which he bought after the government had bailed out Allied Irish Banks and Bank Of Ireland.
Normally I would call for Dermot Desmond's shares in these banks to be seized and for Dermot Desmond and any like him to get a good kick in the arse.
Normally I would be furious at anyone trying to ride the imminent economic collapse of Ireland for a few sharp bucks.
Normally, in spite of my lifelong criticisms of socialism and communism, I would try to tell you that the government should now own any bank it has bailed out.
Normally I would be furious that the banks had received free money from the government without the government insisting on a proper return for the citizenry whose money it actually was.
Normally I'd be climbing the walls about the fact that the banks would have ceased to exist without the citizens' money, and even more furious that for some arcane reason the government had not insisted on a controlling stake in the banks whose very existence it was so generously preserving, and without which governmentally provided tax payer doubloons, let us say it again, those banks would have evaporated into nothingness.
Normally I would have called on the government to immediately issue free shares in the banks it should now rightfully own, to the citizens whose government has so generously bailed out those banks.
Normally I would be hopping mad with the whole satanic free masonic pseudo intellectual atheistic theft of our nation.
Normally I'd be bloody furious.
Normally I'd warn you about the perilous threat to our society being caused by the trade union movement and student bodies and other pressure groups, who won't accept that the present crisis requires new thinking from all of us.
Normally I'd shout long and loud about Judge Liberal releasing one of the murderers of a Nigerian teenager, and giving the other murderer a few years in jail for something Judge Liberal calls manslaughter.
Normally I'd at least try to preserve the honour of Ireland and do my bit in defence of the sanctity of life by calling Judge Liberal a scum and calling for the permanent incarceration of Judge Liberal alongside the three murderers of that Nigerian teenager.
Normally I'd fight the Irish government's reduction of our nation to a tawdry third world kleptocracy policed by thugs that would be an embarassment to Robert Mugabe.
Normally I'd blow a f---ing gasket trying to alert the people of Ireland to the catastrophic dangers we face.

I'm not going to bother.

Those of us who are willing to take voluntary pay cuts, or to be unemployed without claiming benefit, or to make whatever sacrifice it is in the name of the broader community, those of us who aren't seduced by the utter falsehood of trying to preserve a marginal financial advantage over our neighbours through ever more extortionate pay claims, those of us who have rejected class sytems and racisms and achieverisms and their attendant pseudo intellectual bigotries, those of us who believe nobody should have to live in fear of their neighbours, those of us who believe in life, those of us who believe in God, somehow we must reach out and start talking to each other.
Our country is dying.
The old order changeth giving way to the new, lest one just principle destroy the world.
If we don't find out what we have in common, we will indeed be destroyed along with the corrupt world order which is currently passing away before our eyes.

the full extent of my relationship with the popstar sinead o'connor

A few years ago Dublin was engulfed in the heaviest rainfall it had ever seen.
That is to say, the heaviest rainfall in living memory.
The streets were empty of people and virtually empty of traffic.
The citizenry had sought safe haven in the warmth of hostelries and homes.
I, long a lover of storms, was walking through the downpour.
As I turned up D'Olier Street, I saw a lone figure walking towards me through grey light and drenching rain.
The figure wore a body length anorak.
The figure's anorak had a large fleece lined hood pulled up tight, totally obscuring the head.
We drew level.
Alone on the rainswept street we halted and looked at each other.
I saw past the fleece lined hood.
Her eyes were bright.
She gave me a thrilling smile.
She moved away, vanishing into the curtain of rain around Trinity College.
I walked on in the direction of O'Connell Street bridge.
This is the full extent of my relationship with the popstar Sinead O'Connor.

Friday, February 06, 2009

watching the detectives

This week in the media...

1. The American television channel CBS announced that hero pilot Chesley Sullenberger would shortly be appearing on one of its current affairs programmes. A month after successfully landing a jet airplane on the Hudson River with two stopped engines, Mr Sullenberger is finally going to answer some questions. I wonder will CBS ask him why he has been avoiding facing the media up to now. Even heroes have to tell the truth eventually. Mr Sullenberger made a public appearance a few days ago at the American Superbowl sporting event. No questions to be answered there of course. The capacity crowd in the stadium along with the millions of people watching on TV were delighted to see him. As of yet though, we have had no chance to hear Mr Sullenberger give a live account of what actually happened on his downed flight. There has been no explanation for Mr Sullenberger's non appearance before reporters. I have postulated that the authorities investigating Mr Sullenberger's miracle landing of a passenger jet on the Hudson River in New York are engaged in covering up a terrorist attack on the United States. Possible motives for such a cover up range from a misguided attempt to protect the aviation industry to a criminal attempt to allow President Obama to proceed with his Release-The-Jihadis-From-Guantanamo-Bay policy.

2. CNN and other news channels finally got access to and played a tape purporting to be Captain Chesley Sullenberger's conversation with air traffic control as his plane went down in the Hudson. Again, it is incredible that this tape wasn't released a month ago immediately after the event. The tape carries a laconic reference to a bird strike stopping both engines. In whose interest was it to delay the release of this tape until now? Did it take until now to create the tape? CNN presenter Kirstie Lou Stout remarked of the film footage of Captain Sullenberger's plane landing on the Hudson: "I'll never get tired of watching that." Fair enough. But in between times, she should try asking a few questions. Starting with the bleeding obvious.

3. CNN presenter Raissa Valitseyeva announced on air that she was starting a blog. Irony of ironies. Only recently a CNN panel of sneering heads concluded that blogs were: "seventy five million people talking about what they ate for breakfast." Over to you Raissa. For God's sake, try to eat something interesting.

4. Sky News devoted hours of prime time coverage to the funeral of a World War One soldier. Sky is rather pathetically and rather belatedly attempting to identify itself as a patriotic British news station. This, after eight years manfully rooting for the Jihadis in the war on terror. I'd say the World War One veteran vomited in his grave when he heard those appeaserish scum eulogising him.

5. Muslim activists took over a BBC office in Scotland. The Arabists wanted to force the BBC to show a propaganda video about the Gaza Strip. The BBC, like Sky, has recently been attempting to resurrect its reputation as an objective reporter of events, having been tarred (mainly by me) as a shill for Islamic terrorism. It must be funny for the BBC. In forty years, the IRA never occupied a BBC office. But the peaceloving followers of Islam aren't shy about letting their feelings be known, are they. Like Sky, the BBC has done everything in its power to discredit President Bush and to win the War On Terror for the terrorists. Remember the phrase "sexed up dossier" with which the BBC attempted to create a perception of wrong doing on the part of Prime Minister Tony Blair in going to war with Saddam Hussein's Iraq. You know at one stage, British soldiers actually started referring to the BBC as the Baghdad Broadcasting Corporation. In any case the BBC is now discovering that the Islamic activists with whom it has shamelessly curried favour, aren't its friends either. I wonder how the champagne socialists of the BBC will enjoy Sharia Law. We're all going to find out soon enough.

6.The Daily Mail published An Open Letter to the Irish Prime Minister written by one Joe O'Connor about the economic collapse facing the Republic of Ireland. The Open Letter format has become something of a trademark on this blog but I can't really claim ownership of the idea. Joe O'Connor certainly didn't steal any of what he wrote from here. It was all his own work. A heap of verbiage. On the other hand if Joe O'Connor should happen to produce anything else that appears to be based on a format established in this blog, I shall be forced to publish a full account of my relationship with his sister the popstar Sinead O'Connor. That's something none of us wants to see happen.

7. Sky News invited the public to send in their photos and videos of the snow storm engulfing Britain. James Healy advised the public against working for Sky News unless Sky News is paying them for the work they do. "You can send us your photos," indeed. Er, thanks but no thanks. I'll send my photos to people who pay for them, you great free booting Rupert Murdoch worshipping gits.

8. The BBC reported that British Foreign Secretary David Milliband is a potential Prime Minister. Milliband, a teenager who wandered into politics for a bet, is most famous for his traitorous remark to a Hindu audience: "The war on terror was a mistake." This remark alone explains the BBC's championing of him this week. Here is the news. David Millipede will never be Prime Minister. Not unless Osama Bin Laden conquers the Free World, and gives Millipede the United Kingdom as a reward for his treachery.

9. Euronews, an anti American, anti British, pro Islamist, Marxian slanted news station, reported that Hamas was intimidating the civilian population in the Gaza Strip. I nearly fell off my chair. Even the left wing stations are getting a bit embarrassed about the growing public awareness of their hideously pro Muslim reportage. How else can we understand the truth showing up on Euronews? Even if it did show up only in passing.

10. CCTV, the Chinese government's English language news station, reported on the visit of China's Premier Hu Jin Tao, to Cambridge University. Rather charmingly, CCTV neglected to make any reference at all to an attempted shoe throwing incident while the great man was addressing the students. Funny old world. CCTV was quite obsessed with the Iranian backed Islamist coward who threw his shoes at President Bush a few weeks ago. One would have thought this fresh example of shoe throwing would be equally fascinating for them. Perhaps the fact that this shoe thrower was campaigning against the Chinese annexation and oppression of Tibet, led CCTV to omit his gesture from their reportage. We can only guess.

11. The Times (the Brit paper, not the Irish clap trap), tentatively likened President Barack Obama to former President Jimmy Carter. I have no way of proving that the ultra conformist Times lifted their comparison from this blog. My exact words were: "Barack Obama is a black Jimmy Carter."

12. Newsweek Magazine carried the following headline on its cover: "Why China Works! Inside The Command Capitalism Model That Will Outrun All Rivals." The article was written by a Muslim called Rana Foroohar. Newsweek is edited by a Muslim called Fareed Zakaria. Interestingly enough Fareed Zakaria also presents a programme for CNN, which owns Newsweek's main rival Time Magazine. You can see how if all these people are in bed together, we're going to be lacking something in the discourse. It'll be a cold day in Helvetia before any of these quislings write something recognising the greatness of President Bush. But I digress. What the Muslims who wrote and edited this article, fail to understand is that wealth does not come from capitalism, communism, Arabism, or even from rich resources. Wealth is possible only when nations respect the rights and dignities of individual human beings. Hence countries even vaguely influenced by Judaeo Christian values, are exponentially and observably more wealthy than their neighbours. African dictatorships, Russian dictatorships, Chinese dictatorships, and you bet your sweet bippy Arab dictatorships, can never really be wealthy at all. Because there is no respect for the person in those countries. Persons can't own their own homes, their own jobs, their own businesses or even their own lives. The Arabs are a case in point. In their countries, the toughest man in the tent gets to run the country. And he takes whatever he wants from whoever he wants. The Arab and Muslim dictatorships have delivered an extraordinary miracle to their people. They own all the oil on the planet. The whole world has been throwing money at them for fifty years. And their citizens are still dirt poor. The reason being that their citizens have no rights, no freedoms and no dignity. Ergo no wealth. I do not think Western countries are superior to the impoverished regions of the world. I think and I assert only that Western wealth and Western pre-eminence as a civilisation, has been based on values rather than on any system. I would add in all humility that as the Free World has become progressively more atheistic, our wealth has overnight virtually ceased to exist. Gone on a voodoo wind, blowing east from Wall Street. Yes. As the Free World continues to wallow in atheistic abortionism, our own formerly unassailable cultural position, our glittering riches, our sublime vanities, all are evaporating around us. Anyhoo. Memo to Rana and Fareed: You people owe President Bush and me an apology. And if you think China's so great, why don't you go live there?

13. The Irish Times published a cartoon by Martyn Turner depicting President Obama at his desk gleefully reversing President Bush's policies. The policies were shown with pictures of large folders beside President Obama labelled "Stem Cells," "Guantanamo Bay," "Torture," etc etc. Yet Martyn Turner and the Pro Abortion Irish Times had neglected to depict any folder labelled abortion. I cannot understand why people who believe there is absolutely nothing wrong with abortion, who campaign tirelessly for its availability and practice, who champion its most extreme infanticidal forms, I cannot understand why such people as the Irish Times, and Martyn Turner, and indeed President Barack Obama, who veritably love abortion, I cannot understand I tells ee, why they're so coy about actually mentioning it.

14. The Leinster Leader appointed a new editor. Yes, another one. I guess we're all going to be wishing him well. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ho, ho, ho, hee, hee, hee, ha, ha, ha, ha, haaaaaaah, haaaaah, hoo, hoo, heeee, heeee, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, chortle.

15. This week Ian O'Doherty's excellent I Spy humour column in the Tony O'Reilly worshipping Irish Independent, bore no resemblance to anything ever written, thought or uttered by me.

16. Several log ons to The Heelers Diaries from CIA remote monitoring stations in the past two weeks. Are these related to ongoing attempts to end speculation about the downing of Chesley Sullenberger's plane? Or are the spooks at Langley just big Paddy Pup fans?

17. The New York Times went bust. The newspaper which did so much to weaken America in the face of the Jihad onslaught, had to borrow 250 million bucks from a Mexican loan shark in order to keep trading. The wheels really are coming off the liberal wagon. Whatever next? CNN brought to you by the Gambino family?

18. The Irish national broadcaster RTE has announced some of its "stars" will be taking pay cuts. RTE has a monopoly on broadcasting in the Republic of Ireland. In a system that would shame Joe Stalin, any citizen owning a television set is required to pay RTE for the privelege of owning a television set, even if most of us, never in our lives so much as look at RTE. The station receives hundreds of millions a year to finance its anti Catholic agendas. It is in no way accountable to the general public. It has almost no viewers. The wheel is rigged. But the citizens still have to divvy up the cash. How does RTE spend its millions? An unwatchable presenter called Pat Kenny receives a million a year. A million. That's what they admit paying him. Some of us believe the true figure is higher. Up until last year RTE refused to publish any of the amounts it says it pays its employees. Now senior management types at RTE also claim they are taking pay cuts. It is impossible to verify this as their salaries are not still not disclosed to the public who finance them. Here is the news. Pat Kenny would still be working for RTE if he was paid 50,000 a year. There is no market for Pat Kenny. No other television station is trying to poach him. RTE could have created a hundred new job opportunities in television for the sum of money they waste on Pat Kenny. We need to deregulate the broadcasting industry in the Republic of Ireland. We need to stop forcing the citizenry to finance the propaganda wing of a liberal atheistic left wing rump who spent the Cold War rooting for the Russians.

19. The BBC welcomed back its disgraced "star" Jonathan Ross. Like RTE, the BBC is financed by a licence fee, this time imposed on British citizens who dare to own TV sets. The BBC has no viewers and is completely unaccountable to the general public. I have watched two minutes of Jonathan Ross over the course of my whole life. By accident I came upon his show one evening. He was telling a Hollywood starlet that he "would like to f--- her." I switched off Jonathan Ross forever. But of course these licence fee funded television stations never have to worry about people switching off. They never have to worry about the people who are required by law to finance them. The BBC, like RTE, has no values. No values beyond a vague Marxian urge to surrender to militant Islam and a vague nihilistic urge to champion neo pagan hedonism. Otherwise it's just wall to wall porno. Jonathan Ross did get kicked off the BBC briefly, in a token punishment, after he and a fellow skank left debased and demeaning messages on the answering machine of a 78 year old man, and then broadcast those messages. Now he's back. He ain't goin nowhere. Nor is the BBC.

20. Ah I grow weary of mist and dark and lanes where there's never a house or bush. And tired I am of bog and road. And the crying wind. And the lonesome hush. Well, you know what I mean.

Thursday, February 05, 2009

the invitation

forget the calls of woe and wealth
the wind is still
the ground rock hard
behold god's wonders darkness pluming breath
the fields the fens the ditches and the stars

bold traveller
come to ireland in the wintertime
see the plough pitch and yaw across a jeweled sky
orion's goat wander back and forth
you'll say
healy's was a trivial rhyme
but it brought me here
and i'm grateful just the same

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

another dazzling prediction from the mighty heelers

The Mammy and me sitting in the front room at the old chateau some days ago.
"There's snow coming," said the aged parent.
"What makes you think that?" sez I.
"The weather forecasters are predicting it," quoth she.
I shook my handsome head.
"Pshaw Mama," proclaimeth I with some asperity. "Have you ever known those half wits to get it right? If they're predicting snow we're almost certainly about to have a heat wave."
"They seem fairly confident," ventured the Mammy.
"Oh yes?" quoth me.
"Yes," said she.
"And why's that?" quoth me.
There was a moment's pause.
"There's been a ton of snow in England," she explained cautiously. "The wind is blowing in this direction. The weather forecasters don't have to be geniuses to conclude we're going to get some."
I made a few tut tut sounds.
Pitying ones.
"The weather forecasters are clueless," sez I grandly. "I tell you there will be no snow. I'd stake my reputation on it."

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

you wot guv

A night of strange and perturbed dreams.
I dreamed I saw Tony O'Reilly, formerly Ireland's richest man.
I was seeing him after his death marching towards the gates of heaven.
Saint Peter was waiting for him with a countenance ancient, wise and strong.
Saint Peter was anxious to do things by the book.
After a moment though he decided he owed it to himself to live a little.
He was genuinely unable to restrain himself.
A celestial rock group appeared at his shoulder and started to play the most heavenly music.
Saint Peter took up his best rock star pose and began singing.
He sang:

"Shakedown, shakedown.
Here you are O'Reilly and the chips are down.
Shakedown, shakedown.
You're busted."

Saint Peter sang it loud.
He sounded a bit like me.

Monday, February 02, 2009

amid eternal snows

Sunday, February 01, 2009

horatio i mean heelers on the bridge

Winterish day in Dublin.
I drove onto O'Connell Street bridge.
And lo!
My old pals the anti Israeli demonstrators were out in force again.
Those loveable terrorist sympathising goons.
They hadn't stopped traffic this time.
The reason they hadn't stopped traffic was because they didn't have enough people to stop traffic.
There were 70 of them walking up and down on the pedestrianised area which divides the two roads over the bridge.
A grand total of 70 Arabists turning out on a rainy day in Dublin to accuse Israel of war crimes.
Just 70.
I did a slow head count and then added 20.
Important to be fair.
Unlike the Irish Times, Independent Newspapers and the Irish national broadcaster RTE, I think the truth matters.
No more than 70.
It really is getting harder and harder for the Arabs to attract a crowd to these things.
The traffic lights were still red.
I was sitting in my car directly opposite the centre point of the demonstration.
I gauged the odds.
The demonstrators were mostly Paddy Whacks.
Very few true Arabs among them.
Wannabes, that's all.
Not a whiff of the Black Jackets Muslim Crime Gang which so often pervades these demos.
But then the Black Jackets haven't worn their black jackets in over a year.
They've gotten awful shy for some reason, perhaps to do with the mildly adverse internet reportage of their activities in Dublin.
It suddenly got to be so much less fun for them hiding in plain sight.
They're still here mind.
Still working in security firms at the Stephens Green Centre, Arnotts Department Store, McDonalds of Grafton Street, etc etc.
The Black Jackets have a veritable vocation to work in security.
I wonder why.
Still working as waiters in the Westbury Hotel, the Cafe Kylemore, etc etc.
They've a vocation to waitering too apparently.
Although they're not very good at it.
In point of fact the only thing that's changed in the past year is their fashion sense.
They don't wear their black leather jackets in public any more.
One of em wears a red anorak.
I kid you not.
Little Red Riding Hood.
Ah, Muslim fundamentalism isn't what it used to be.
But I digress.
The Paddies would be unlikely to kill me surely.
I wound down the window on my car.
It was a gesture imbued with strange high mystic significance.
The last knight of Europe taking arms from off the wall.
Such a simple gesture.
Winding down the window of my car.
I knew there would be no going back.
It seemed for a moment as though O'Connell Street bridge had fallen silent.
"No more Arab terror," I bellowed.
I waited for the mob to surround me.
No one stirred.
A few of them looked kind of sheepish.
Somewhat emboldened by the immediate lack of a murderous response, I decided to up the ante.
"No more Al Qaedas," I bellowed.
Honest to Murgatroyd, the 70 demonstrators looked at their shoes.
They didn't throw their shoes.
Just looked at em.
Why this was easy.
All this time in the Free World, we've been letting the terrorist sympathisers walk away with the discourse.
But they're not so scary.
The lights had turned green.
"No more Arab terror," I bellowed once more with feeling, not even troubling this time to come up with a new slogan.
Above the drizzling rain and sighing traffic, my voice rang out impassioned, resonant and clear.
The voice of the sleeping conscience of humanity.
I suppose I sounded like Minnie Mouse.