The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Friday, November 20, 2009

apologia pro parakeets mea

Driving Miss Lily through the heartland of South Kildare.
Wild, wet and windy day.
"Did you by any chance happen to buy a pair of budgerigars?" she enquires pleasantly.
"What would make you think that," quoth me all innocence.
"Because when we were praying the Our Father this morning, I distinctly heard you say Forgive us our trespasses, and then you added particularly ones like buying two budgies and smuggling them into the house without telling anyone."
"Oh Mother, that's an approved variation of the Our Father, it's the Tridentine budgie rite."
"So if I go down to your room I won't find any budgies?"
"No you won't find them," sez me confidently.
She gave me a piercing stare.
"Your father is going to have a canniptian," she mused.
"I know," sez me.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

russian for beginners

Even if you study the russian language for many years she will still be a mystery to you
Verily beautiful though the russian language is, its beauty is a lifelong quest
Gracious and glorious are the musicalities of the russian language
Exuding warmth in icy mysteriousness
Nurturing your spirit towards strange fantastical visions
In time she may prove a harsh mistress

The russian language will seduce you
As though she has waited many years only for you
Right up until the moment you met
And if you are true to her
She will smile on you sometimes
Only to withdraw her favour at a whim
Virtue is poor reward for this

in the brooding shadows

fifteenth century statues at kilcullen graveyard

the waiting

grey light upon sleeping fields
the stillness i have come to love
time and tide cease surcease
peace sits like a glove
shadow sifts like memory
the dog stirs at his chain
and whines and lifts his eyes
for the walk he knows we'll take
thought storm clouds steal the skies
and grey light curtains into rain
so waits the world tonight
in darkness and in pain
the world waits for christ

my blushes

Me and the Mammy munching dinner in the Cafe Des Beaux Parvenus at Newbridge Silverware.
Mary Maloney, my second cousin once removed, approaches.
"Jamie," she cries, "are you still writing for the Leinster Leader."
My refined preraphaelite features go a bit gothic.
I allow myself a gentle sigh.
In truth bold travellers of the internet, I am beginning to wonder if the Leinster Leader actually has any real readers. No one I know seems to be aware of my departure many moons ago from that august organ. (I am of course using organ in its genitalic sense.)
"Mary," I tell her wearily, "I was fired from the Leinster Leader two years ago."
Her eyes go wide and round.
"Why did they fire you?" she exclaims.
Ah yes.
My relatives are nothing if not tender and diplomatic.
Why indeed.
"They caught me embezzling funds," I answer without hesitation.
Mary stares.
It is not entirely flattering to me that she doesn't seem to doubt for a minute that I was indeed embezzling funds from a newspaper that doesn't have a pot to piss in.
After a bit, she regains the power of speech.
"Well your brother is a priest," she announces cheerily, "maybe he'll give you absolution when you go to Confession."
I shake my head.
"Not possible Mary," I muse. "You see Jesus has put a little codicil into the Christian religion. Any person can be absolved of their sins. Any human being can be forgiven no matter what they have done. While we yet live it is a time of mercy. But the one tiny proviso is... you have to be sorry."

the monica leech laugh in

Question: When is a Muslim not a Muslim?
Answer: When he's torching a French city, he's a "youth."
When he's rioting in the streets of London, he's an "anti fascist protestor."
When he's murdering fourteen people in Fort Hood, he's a "victim of bullying suffering post traumatic stress disorder."
(Copies to: All defunct media groups, namely The Irish Times, The Guardian, the BBC, ABC, CBS, NBC, CNN, Newsweek, Time Magazine, the New York Times, the Washington Compost, et al.)

the prime minister of australia apologises

Prime Minister Elmer Rudd of Australia apologised this week for what he said was the mistreatment of residents at State run institutions over fifty years ago.
Rudd's apology invented a whole new category of crimes ranging from "coldness" to "failing to provide love."
His apology was intended to imply blanket guilt for all those involved in the caring professions decades ago.
His apology is the latest and most blatent attempt by a leader in the present day to conceal currently sky rocketing levels of abuse, violence, murder of children in care institutions, rape of children in care institutions, exploitation of children for pornography in care institutions, suicide among children in care institutions and throughout society, compulsory incarceration of the elderly in care institutions, murder of the elderly in care institutions, torture of the elderly in care institutions, the debasement of an entire generation of young people through sex culture, abortion, life in test tubes culture, death in test tubes culture, promiscuity, revolving door prisons, drug culture, generalised criminal violence against the person culture, and the betrayal of the Free World to Jihadiism via turning a blind eye to the Muslim infiltration of our countries culture, all happening now, all abhorrencies that the present day generation is guilty of on a scale no generation before has ever seen, Rudd's apology conceals this while focussing attention on mostly imaginary crimes which he alleges were committed by members of the previous generation.
Rudd is the Al Qaeda favoured Prime Minister who pulled Australia out of the War On Terror when he stood for election on the appeasement ticket and recalled Australian troops from Iraq.
Rudd is the Prime Minister who is favoured by the Chinese Communist Party as a sound socialist who will acquiesce to China's dictatorship at every turn, never speaking out against Chinese use of North Korea as a province of China which retains vestiges of independence solely in order to plausibly threaten the West, never confronting China's sponsorship of Maoist terror armies in India and Nepal, never ever opposing China's support for the genoicidal (three million dead and counting) Arab Muslim psycho government in Sudan and its equivalent in other African countries.
Rudd is the Prime Minister who has failed to take action against the Al Qaeda members who set forest fires across Australia last year.
Rudd is the Prime Minister who has failed to deal with Al Qaeda's infiltration of maintenance crews at Qantas airlines.
Rudd is the Prime Minister so mired in his own delusional abnegations of the great humanitarian traditions of Australia and the Free World, that he is happy to kow tow to Nazis, Commies and Islamists while falsely and manipulatively inculpating those heroic people who lived lives of self sacrifice and service to the marginalised, he inculpates those decent honourable heroic people who worked for no financial reward in the orphanages and schools of Australia fifty years ago, he inculpates them in their old age, merely to allow a generation of scoundrels to feel good about themselves on the eve of their surrender to black Islamic night.
Rudd has indeed got something to apologise for.
But the apology he gave recently is not it.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

apologia pro atheismus mea

me and the ghost of charlie darwin
on a day of rain and wild wind
staring from the windows of mount carmel
at the gulls riding high in ecstacy
now says i to charlie darwin
look at that creature rejoice
riding high on rain and wild wind
and tell me there's no majesty in existence
says he to me
there isn't

from the heelers emails

Heelers To Michael Appourchaux. (Actor)
Monsieur Appourshocks.
Juste une vite email pour te souhaiter une jambe brisee sur scene ce soir pendant ton spectacle at la Sorbonne. J'entends dire pas, bon chance. J'entends dire que je veux honnetement que tu brises ton jambe.
(Translation: Just a quick email to say "break a leg" on stage during your forthcoming show at the Sorbonne. I do not mean by this to wish you good luck. I mean I really am hoping you break your leg.)
Appourchaux to Heelers.
Sorry it went brilliantly. I did not break a single bone. A bit of work on your French might help with your next effort.
Michael App.

From: Antonella Gentile
To: Heelers.
You are too pushy. I don't want to hear from you any more. Sorry for beings so direct. I have your number. If I want to hear from you, I'll call you.
Antonella Gentile.

Heelers to Antonella...
Wohhh Dude.
Bloody hell.
I thought Gentile was supposed to be Italian for "nice."
I may have seemed a little anxious to contact you this week for three reasons. Firstly, I rather enjoyed meeting you. Secondly, a friend of mine wanted to talk to you about your Paypal interview. Thirdly, an editor at our newspaper is looking for a Personal Assistant and I thought you might be interested in the job.
Anyway from now on your life will be entering the broad sunlight unplands of peace, joy and fulfilment, at Paypal or Ebay or whatever call centre you're working in, without the burden of ever seeing or hearing from me again.
James Healy
Editor The Heelers Diaries
PS: I hope they shrivel up and fall off.

----- Original Message -----
Sent: Thursday, May 07, 2009 8:17 AM
Subject: Re: from Ireland

Hello James, thanks for your message, with reference to your friend Rowena and depression.   I suffered bad from depression when I was about 27 years old.   When the G.P. explained what the symptoms meant I realised I had those symptoms at the age of 8 yrs.old.   I was given medication which needed more medication for the side effects of the first medication.   I decided to throw away the medication, and have counselling.   The first counselling started at 36 years of age and lasted 2 years.   Two years ago I started counselling in Plymouth.   The first was 12 sessions over 6 months then a break for 12 months during which time I put into practice what I had learned from counselling.   Then I had another 12 sessions with a qualified counselor and put into practice what I had learned.   The second counsellor explained I was acting out learned behaviour, basicly I had developed ways to protect myself as a child but the problem was I was still using those methods to protect myself as an adult and it was'nt working.   When I met a psychiatrist at 27 years old in Ireland her first decision was to give me medication, when I met a psychiatrist in England she explained I had been told most of my life I was useless and an idiot and unfortunately for me I believed it.   If one is told often enough one is useless and that is all you hear then one will believe it.   She told me I did not need medication and organised counselling sessions for me.   Here in Plymouth it is possible to get 12 sessions of counselling from your GP's surgery.   Then you have to take a break and apply for more if needed.   The NHS pays for it so it is basicly free.   I believe that your friend may need medication, but perhaps she could be guided to counselling.   The counsellling will do her no harm, but there is a possibility that the medication will have side effects.   Of course I will pray for her the most important thing she needs right now are good friends around her who tell her constantly that she is a good person and a lovable person.   I learned through counsellling to love myself.  Not in a selfish way.   If one cannot love oneself one cannot love anyone else.   I read a lot of buddhist books and took pieces from them that helped me.   I did not want to become a buddhist.   I believe it is possible to learn from other religions.  As Catholics we are lucky to have the rosary if this prayer is offered for Rowena miracles will have to happen.   God bless for now I will keep both of you in my prayers ,I will go to Buckfast Abbey to light a candle for Sylvia today especially for her.  Please tell her an Irish man who doesn't know her is praying for her.  God bless for now your friend Jim Delaney.
----- Original Message -----
From: James Healy
Sent: 07 May 2009 00:54
Subject: from Ireland

Hey Jim.
Glad you liked the latest bit of waxing poetical!
I thought The Heelers Diaries needed lightening up.
Still teaching a few English lessons to overseas students in Dublin. Rather pleased with them. I could get good at this!
An acquaintance of mine called Rowena is having some problems at the moment. Her doctors have put her on medication for depression. She doesn't want to be on medication. I suspect she might be right. Other friends think she should take the medication no questions asked. But I think the answer is probably somewhere else.
If you're talking to the Lord put in a word for her Jim.
God's blessings to you.

Antonella to Heelers.
Oh James, you misunderstood me. I didn't mean to be offensive. I do want to meet you again. If you don't want to, I will understand.

Monday, November 16, 2009


The lamp of your body is your eye.
If your eye is in darkness then  your whole body will be darkened.
See to it then that the light within you is not darkness.
Then you will be in the light indeed as when the lamp shines on you with its rays.


Morning in the garden at the old chateau.
Ring tailed dove and robin and chaffinch and numerous little tweety birds.
Most cheering.
I decide to drive into Naas.
As I drive a cat bolts from the hedge in front of the car.
I brake.
She makes it to the other side.
That's good luck.
Particularly for the cat.
A wave of delight sweeps over me.
Not just that the cat survived.
But that I didn't cause an accident with the car behind me by braking to save the cat.
Make for the Costa Cafe which is located in Barkers Rude Dude Where's My Car Booksellers Bookshop.
Happy few hours quaffing.
Get up to go to the loo.
You need to obtain a key at the counter to use the toilets here.
I don't bother.
Sometimes it's open.
So it proves.
I'm leaving the loo as another chap arrives clutching the key.
I recognise him from somewhere.
"How the f--- did you get in without a key?" he cries jovially in a profane Liverpool accent.
"Ah there's ways and means," I answer without fear or rancour.
I'm still trying to figure out who it is.
The answer comes to me.
It is the British comedian Roy Chubby Brown, who is a tad famous for the vulgarity of his stage act.
I return in a state of bemusement to the Costa for one more coffee.
Roy Chubby Brown.
Well I never.
Roy Chubby Brown asked me how the f--k I got into the toilet at Barkers without a key.
It's a rum old world.
It was much later tonight when I realised the guy was actually Mr Paul Winters, formerly Lights and Effects Man at the Riverbank theatre, Newbridge, and yes, also a native of Liverpool whose appearance is not entirely dissimilar to Roy Chubby Brown's.
My disappointment was palpable.

to the overthrow

the worm things from the soft earth
in the rainfall night crawl forth
onto pavement doorstep or road
into the concrete certainty of death
they do not think but they know
that in a darkness yet to fall
there will be an overthrow
and those who rule will crawl
and those who crawl will rule
though tonight in their impossible thousands they die
crushed under wheel trampled under foot
conquered by a nation that knows them not

a rooskie in dublin


By Irina Kuksova

Ever wondered, standing in an art gallery on a sunny Sunday, why does one painting cost X whereas one next to it – even a bigger one - costs X/10? Yeah, I keep wondering too. Sometimes, I try to ponder how much time it'd take me to make something similar. Rarely does the result of my calculations justify the indicated price. 

It's not just the technical skill that effects the price. As much as I like painting "realistic stuff", it is not really a challenge. Once I make my mind up on all that there is to be captured on my canvas, executing the plan is only a matter of time. There is no rush as there are no doubts about the outcome. The whole process is pretty relaxing. It's a bit like washing dishes really. And – I like washing dishes. But I wouldn't charge too much for that.

On the other hand, more "artistic" staff – and I mean any artwork which is not a classic portrait/landscape (and much of the image is left to chance) - demand constant decision-making. The artist has to somehow justify the existence of such work. Not to the viewers, but to him/herself. It's much harder to define when the piece is "done". In the absence of a clearly defined desired result, the only guidance the creator has is a "gut feeling", that says: " looks and feels a bit better now…oops, a bit worse now…". Often, in the middle of such "feeling your way", it looks like there was a murder on canvas. It's important not to lose heart, as once the "murder" stage is over, it's all down hill from there. In this case, the painting experience is more like a novel with its twists and turns, losses and victories. 

Thus,  I can understand why some artists would value some paintings more – even though the latter looks like a puddle of colours. It'd cost them to find a way to make this puddle feel right for them. It's not a story of a whatever image on the canvas, it's a much more intimate story of the painter's creative adventure.

who is roland emmerich and why is he trying to help al qaeda

Roland Emmerich is the director of Independence Day, Godzilla, The Day After Tomorrow, and the new movie 2012.
When I saw Independence Day it occurred to me that the director appeared to enjoy showing the destruction of iconic landmarks in the western world.
I was concerned that his depictions could be incitement to terrorism for Jihadis.
It is interesting to note that the lead actors in Independence Day (Will Smith, Jeff Goldblume and Bill Pullman) who so heroically fought against non existent space aliens in that movie, have been much shyer about taking a stand against the very real Muslim Jihad terror army that threatens all our freedoms at the moment.
In fact these brave actors have spent the years since Nine Eleven sitting at home in their plush Hollywood pent houses, making snide remarks about President Bush.
I only saw a few minutes of Godzilla.
It starred Ferris Bueller.
Ferris also has been about as useful in the War On Terror as a reticent Jeff Goldblume on a bad hair day.
It seemed to me that in Godzilla director Emmerich was deliberately contriving set pieces where American soldiers were killed in humiliating ways.
I was disquieted by these representations.
They were not subtle.
I was not surprised a few years ago when Emmerich released The Day After Tomorrow which was a film intended to uphold failed Presidential candidate Al Gore's cretinous ideas that the weather is our real enemy and not the Muslim terror armies committing mass murder in our midst.
Now Emmerich has released another apocalyptic disaster movie entitled 2012.
The left wing Guardian newspaper and Mr Niall O'Dowd writing in The Star have pointed out that 2012 features a lot of destruction directed towards Christian icons and Christian people such as when the huge statue towering above Rio De Janeiro collapses, or the Vatican is destroyed, or fireballs engulf Christians praying with the Pope.
I am not a fan of the Guardian or the Star or Niall O'Dowd.
But at least in this instance they have pointed out a truth other newspapers and writers have been content to ignore.
There are no scenes of destruction and death involving the Muslim religion, Muslim buildings or Muslim people in the trailers for 2012.
This is not an accident.
Roland Emmerich is a director whose sole purpose for the past ten years has been to anaesthetise and distract the Free World with defeatist spectacles while giving succour any way he can to Al Qaeda.
The Guardian points out that Roland Emmerich's plush pent house apartment contains admiring portraits of mass murderers Chairman Mao and Saddam Hussein. It also contains caricatures sneering at Catholicism.
There's a clue there somewhere.
Roland Emmerich an enemy of freedom and an ally of Al Qaeda.
The movie 2012 is Al Qaeda propaganda.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

blast from the past

The Heelers Diaries, 31st December 2004.
New Years Eve.
The day began with a few international emails. Miho had sent me a computerised picture of roses. There was some Muslim proselytising from Count Leonardo Clerici. And an interesting little message from Monika Kozub in Poland.
I spent the afternoon in Athy. Took a few photographs. Got nice ones of collectors raising funds for victims of the Asian tidal wave disaster. The people of Athy at their best. Politicians had organised the collection and the citizens were giving it full support. I ate my dinner in Bradburys.
Coffee later with Diana Becerra, the Spanish Onion. She told me the names of characters from American television shows as they are presented on Spanish TV. Side Show Bob in the Simpsons was Actor Secondario Bob. Kermit The Frog in Sesame Street  was Gustavus Frog. Sesame Street itself was Bario Sesame. I found all this highly amusing.
Tom and Jackie were over with their two children. Little John seems to draw enormous confidence from me. I photoed baby Tom sleeping. That pic is a beaut and will be passed down through the generations.
The new year dawned while I was in the shower. Ah well. At least I'm clean.
After midnight watched a film called Man In The Moon about the life of comedian Andy Kaufman. I found it very moving. A work of art really. Jim Carrey played the lead role.
Now in the wee small hours with Jess in the front room. Bathing my spirit in the music of Deep Purple, Sibelius and Eric Satie.