The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

My Photo
Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Friday, August 03, 2007

they serve also who only stand and grimace

Coffee with Bunton.
No, still not the Bunton I wish it was.
"Jamie," sez she. "I'm trying to think of ways to raise money."
A cold and clammy hand fastened around my heart.
Baby Spice studied me closely.
"Are you alright?"
"I'm fine."
I took a swig of coffee which restored me somewhat.
She who knows not kismet continued with her train of thought.
"I was thinking of trying to sell some of my art on Grafton Street?" sez she.
The noble Heelers breathed easier. No mention of loans. Has to be a good thing.
"What do you think?" sez Bunty.
"Hey Hod as long as it doesn't involve me, you just knock yourself out."
"But do you think they'd sell?"
Ireland's greatest living poet paused for thought.
Really in these circumstances the ancient proscriptions against lying could surely be suspended.
No Deity in the universe could hold it against me if I dissimulated just a little to spare her feelings.
Ah dissimulation, disshmimulation.
We owe it to ourselves to live a little.
"Annie," I said honestly, "If people see your paintings when they're out for a peaceful stroll on Grafton street, they're going to riot. You could get hurt."
"Oh come on. My paintings aren't that bad. You don't really hate them."
"Hod to be honest they're terrible. Okay. No. Listen. Draw something now. Anything. Just not terrible."
I opened my diary and thrust it across the table to her with a pen.
Hodders with a defiant look on her regal features doodled briefly and pushed the diary back.
A forlorn looking Goofie stared up at me from the page.
"Suffering sagotash," I cried warmly. "Walt Disney used to have cartoonists shot for drawing Goofie like that."
There was a beautiful moment of pristine silence.
My gentler nature reasserted itself.
"Anyway," I said in a mollifying tone. "You don't want to be selling on Grafton Street. For one thing it's hard work being a street vendor. For another it really is dangerous. The city is full of street urchins and druggies and cops and druggie cops in league with street urchins. I mean it's hell out there. It's not safe."
"I thought you might help me," murmured Big Hair distantly. "You know. Like stand with me and keep watch."
And somewhere not too far away the ghost of Ennio Morricone's soundtrack to The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly went: "Aiiiiiiaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

Thursday, August 02, 2007

goldener august

Coffee with Rapunzel in the Insomnia Cafe near Trinity College. Her glorious golden hair glowed gorgeously in the half light. No, really it did. Spun gold. Mutual contemplation for two hours.
Afterwards met Mary M on Grafton Street. She told me the pope is her cousin.
"Which one Mary?" sez I. "John Paul or Benedict?"
"Pius," she shot back.
I have no idea if my travelling woman thinks I'm an idiot or if she feels she has to entertain me before she robs me.
It's one or the other.
Back home took an evening stroll with Paddy Pup. Saw a little bat flying through dusk on the avenue. Paddington found a hedgehog and stood back very respectfully when I approached. As the darkness thickened around us, a screech owl who has moved into the Dad's chestnut tree, began his overture with a couple of plaintive cries. He'll keep it up half the night.
I was immensely cheered by the bat, the hedgehog and the screech owl.
Such creatures show something of the fun the creator was having when he made the universe.

Sunday, July 29, 2007


Wondering how on earth I could keep the three year neighbour's kid entertained.
His parents, obviously for a bet, had left him in my care.
What to do?
I settled on washing the car.
The kid wielded the water hose and I did the scrubbing.
The day was going down.
Long shadows over the lawn.
Paddy Pup watching us from a safe distance.
The kid laughing delightedly each time he accidentally drenched me with the hose.
We washed my car, the Dad's and Doctor Barn's.
Both of us ended up soaked amid much chaos, laughter and magic.
I wonder will the child always remember this day.
I know I will.